[britani2011]

I was with my ex for almost 6 yrs,,,, well we broke up and I got pregnant by someone else… well recently I have been staying with my ex, and he’s been telling me that he would like to get back together eventually… well the other day he was sleeping and I needed to print something off on the computer, and he happened to leave his facebook up, and curiosity got the best of me, and I looked… I was blown away,,, he has been talking to this woman and telling her how much he wants to see her again, and how he wants to pamper her..and how she is the cutest thing he’s ever seen, and this woman is married, which i know doesn’t mean anything to some people.. but I just can’t believe how much he lied to me… from the messages it appears that they have had sex before.. I can’t confront him bc then he’ll get mad bc I was on his FB which is understandable but what can I say, I knew he was lying.. I’m afraid if he knows I was on his FB, he’ll kick me out, and I have no where else to go, but it is killing me not to say anything.. I haven’t spoken much to him, because he makes me sick now… He is playing with my emotions and I don’t understand why… What should I do?

[April Masini, your AskApril]

I’m a little confused, so help straighten me out by clarifying and then I’ll give you my advice: It sounds like you’re living with your ex-boyfriend with your baby by another man, but you’re not dating your ex-boyfriend, just living with him. Are you having sex with him? Sharing a bedroom? Why are you living with him and not a family member or a girlfriend or the father of your baby?

Clue me in — and then I’ll do the same for you! 😉

[britani2011]

Yes… We broke up for a short period of time, and in that time, I met someone and had a baby… The father of the child is not in the picture, so I couldn’t stay with him, and I don’t have much family or friends, so I didn’t have anywhere else to go.. Although, this is not permanent, I am leaving in a couple weeks, just waiting on my new place to become ready… No, we don’t share the same bedroom, but we are intimate on occasion..I justget confused bc he tells me that he wants to be with me one minute, then the next he says that he has nothing to offer me… Then I find that on Facebook… I love him, and have loved him for a long time, but I don’t want to play games. I would like to “try” and work it out, but if it’s a lost cause, then I have no choice but to move on.. I just can’t handle the mix signals.. It’s taking a toll on me emotionally.. I have this guy friend I talk to , and my ex is so jealous of this friend..I just would love to hear an outsiders opinion..

Thanks!

[April Masini, your AskApril]

Thank you for clarifying. I can help you.

The first thing you need to do is to stop playing games. I know you think he’s playing with you, but the truth is, you’re playing, too. If you moved in with him because you had nowhere else to go (although now you’re moving out in two weeks), then live with him, but don’t have sex with him. And secondly, having sex with him “occasionally” 😯 when you’re living with him, an ex-boyfriend, is probably your biggest mistake. Sex changes everything and women use it to leverage emotions; men have it because they can.

That you found out he’s interested in other women is actually a gift to you because now you can be one hundred percent clear that he’s not interested in a monogamous relationship with you, and he’s probably been lying to you, too. Don’t bring up the fact that he’s flirting with someone else or even dating someone else because this relationship with him isn’t going anywhere — it’s not worth fighting about. Plus, it’s ending in two weeks (with any luck). Stop sleeping with him now. Focus on your move out date which is not too far off and put all your energy into becoming a great mom and in becoming as independent as you possibly can (which means making some good friends) since you don’t have friends or family nearby.

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