[stuckalways]

I’ll start this off by saying I had a kid at 17 after me an the mother were together for just over a year. Me and her were together for a total of 4 years and we have been engaged for two of them. She left her family behind to move across country and live with me and my family when they moved. But this past year we haven’t really been together. The only couple like thing we do is sleep in the same bed. She’s been kind of. Seeing other people this past year but nothing serious. She says she still wants to get married but I’m. not so sure how I feel about her anymore. At the same time I feel obliged though because we have a kid and she has nowhere else to go. On top of this I started talking to girl recently and I’m really starting to like her but its only been talking and if anything were to happen between me and the new girl who is also a few yeara younger then me it would be kind of serious… and baby mama also has a thing with jealousy. Basically she can flirt and do whatever but if I talk to a single girl its the end of the world. Needless to say baby mama doesn’t know about new girl.
If anybody can give me ANY tips or advice it would be sohelpful.
Thanks

[kai]

I notice that you have placed your question in the forum for Guest Writers and Advice Column Contributors.

[b]This is not in the forum where April answers readers questions. [/b]

If you want to get a response from April, please repost your question in the proper forum, the Q & A Advice Forum:
https://www.askapril.com/forums/viewforum.php?f=1

[The_Jester]

Double standards are never good. She does not have the right to enforce rules that she breaks.

Both of you are entitled to true happiness, however you define that. Point out the reasons both of you are unhappy with one another, then make sure it’s mutually agreed that seeing others is in everyone’s best interest. I’d leave it at that because there’s no reason your old relationship must meet your new one. And do not forget child support. This is your kid’s future.

If she lacks the stability to support herself, present her with a list of remedies ranging from job suggestions to unemployment. Then map out what you feel is an appropriate due date for the two of you to move into separate residences.

Your child need not be burdened by the drama you two are causing by ignoring the obvious signs that this relationship is over. And make sure you be as diplomatic as possible for the kid’s sake. Fair custody arrangements can be made without the hassle of hiring lawyers. The child needs both parents.

[someoneinaustx]

Get on the same page with regard to the kid ASAP. Tell her that you are her best friend and biggest supporter, but that you two are kidding yourselves if you think that you should be in a committed relationship just because you have a child. Tell her that you want her to go out into the world and live life (while being a mother) and that you want to do the same. Fight hard to keep your friendship intact and move away quickly from the idea of being a couple. If you two mature a bit and decide that you do belong together, then you can always get back together, but right now it doen’t seem that either of you want to be together in a committed relationship, so there is no reason to pretend like that’s what’s going on.

[kai]

I notice that you have placed your question in the forum for Guest Writers and Advice Column Contributors.

This is not in the forum where April answers readers questions.

If you want to get a response from April, please repost your question in the proper forum, the Q & A Advice Forum:

[Ask April Masini]

Happy New Year! Let me know how things are going for you. 😉

[Natalie Noah]

You’re in a complicated emotional and logistical position. You’re living with someone you’re no longer truly invested in, and there’s a child involved, which naturally makes the idea of leaving feel complicated and heavy. At the same time, you’re developing feelings for someone new, which highlights your emotional detachment from your current partner. The core issue here isn’t just about feelings, it’s about honesty, boundaries, and taking responsibility for your life and the life of your child. Pretending that your current relationship works because of obligation only prolongs unhappiness for everyone involved.

Your baby mama’s double standards with jealousy also point to an unhealthy dynamic. Relationships based on obligation or control rarely create a stable, respectful environment especially when a child is involved. It’s important to separate romantic feelings from parental responsibilities. Your commitment to your child doesn’t have to mean you stay in a failing romantic relationship. Co-parenting can be handled respectfully while both of you pursue your separate lives, provided there’s open communication, clear boundaries, and a mutual focus on the child’s well-being.

The healthiest path forward is to have an honest conversation with her, setting expectations about your romantic future while solidifying your commitment as co-parents. Lay out practical solutions for her independence and living arrangements, while clarifying that the relationship between you two as a couple is over unless both of you genuinely decide otherwise in the future. This way, you protect your child from unnecessary drama, respect both adults’ emotional needs, and create the possibility of a healthy friendship or co-parenting partnership. Avoiding the issue or sneaking around with the new girl will only complicate everyone’s life, including your child’s.

[Author]

Posts