[Ty.webb]

Yes April, I totally agree. I am all about the actions, which led me to my first walk from this situation.

This time, after all the heartfelt talk, I have said the same thing. I agreed to hold on for time for her to do this since it was an awkward situation with family and friends. She actually did break with him over the phone a few days ago, but he is out of town until this week. He needs to talk, I guess and she needs a good bit of her stuff out of his home.

So with that said, although I am not seeing total action as there seems to be some loose ends, is there an amount of time I should wait until pressing for her to by my side. She has mentioned she didn’t want to make this seem like she had been cheating to her friends and family. (although she admitted to emotionally cheating with me).

Me, I am ready NOW. I don’t want to wait for her to sit in post-breakup at all regardless of what other people may see or think. Once he returns, has his last say, she denies him, gets whatever items from the home, and gives full closure (which she says she hasn’t been able to do with him out of town) – then I want her with me that moment. Is that too much to ask or should there be a space of a few days? Given everything she has told me and feelings she has for me – I don’t see how or why someone needs any further time.

Do you agree?

[April Masini, your AskApril]

I would give it a couple of weeks, but that’s it.

[Ty.webb]

Hi April! I’m checking back in after considerable time has passed to give an update and ask for some advice.

I walked away from the girl when I just couldn’t get her to commit to giving us a chance. It was tough. During that time, I went on to date others and kept pretty busy. However, she constantly tried to rekindle our friendship despite me basically saying ‘no’ and that I was only interested in more.

Several ‘no contacts’ later, I finally let her in and started talking to her a little but after I heard she broke it off with her ex-boyfriend for good. I made it clear what I wanted and was cautious not to fall back into the same back/forth that landed me in the friendzone before. She told me that her ex-boyfriend from the original post was trying to make things right again with her, but she felt too much water has went under that bridge. I told her never-the-less, while he is in the picture – I wouldn’t be and went no contact again. She tried numerous times to break this with ‘I miss you’ and ‘I’m confused but I still love you’ type attempts, but I stood strong.

Anyway, I had a brief exchange with her one night where we were sharing some of the great things we have said/done/gave one another. I said it was all great and it’s sad a lot of it was in a bag sitting in my garage. I went on to say she is losing me more everyday where there will be a point I will no longer even acknowledge her as I don’t appreciate how she works so hard to get back into my life, but offers no attempt at a relationship. She said she thinks about that every day and it’s been killing her. I shot back – actions speak louder than words. She only said that she’s been depressed where she is in life, feels like she made a huge mistake with me, and agrees it was time to try this because she couldn’t ignore her feelings. It’s just her depression of late that has been keeping her from running into another relationship. It sounded like a sad story, but I stuck to my guns… actions speak louder that words.

So, she came over two weeks ago to my home. It was her idea. We ended up becoming intimate and she stayed the night. The days that followed were great and I could see a turn for the better. Yet, she still said she was still hurting a little and needed to take things slow. She cancelled a dinner plan for later in that week, but the next day invited me to come hang out with her and her cousin. We were intimate again. Then, Valentines Day, she cancelled dinner again at the last minute, but I snuck something into her car that she found later with her mother. She sent me a pic of them both in years as it was a special gift I had made especially for her. Things went very well for the next few days and she stayed over on Tuesday (intimate again). We had made plans for this evening, but after visiting the doctor about her depression on Thursday – she cancelled again. Yet she comes and kisses me, made plans for me to hang out with her brother & his girlfriend.

The bottom line is I am having a hard time dealing with how she cancels special evenings I have planned, but still is intimate and has me do stuff with her family. It’s like dinner scares her off like I’m going too fast, but somehow staying over and doing things in a bigger circle is OK. It seems so bi-polar. She says it’s because she still has moments and she gets scared/nervous then wants to take things slow. I know she’s been hurt, but it’s never been by me. It’s also confusing how she gets over this fear some days and stays over while talking about things in my home as if she would eventually be living here.

I just don’t know what to do. I’m rolling with everything and not giving her any pressure. I am also not reacting badly when she cancels. I simply say I understand, to take her time, and have plenty to do instead. Any suggestions? I do love his girl and want it to work or I would have left for someone else easily.

[April Masini, your AskApril]

She’s made who she is and how she behaves very clear to you. Instead of pointing the finger at her — saying her behavior is bi-polar — decide how [i]you[/i] want to conduct your own life. 😉 In other words, look in the mirror, figure out what you want, and go for it. This young woman may be attractive to you in many ways, but the two of you are incompatible for a long-term, committed, monogamous relationship because she’s not interested in one right now. When you’re not sure whether to trust words or behavior, look to the latter to guide you. 😉 Instead of telling you about how rude or troubling her behavior is, let’s look at yours, instead. If you want to be in a healthy, romantic relationship, then you have to do just that. Who [i]you[/i] choose to spend [i]your[/i] time with reflects on [i]you[/i]. 🙂 If you’re in love with someone who’s not healthy, who’s rude, who’s troubled and inconsistent, then you’re the one with the problem at hand — not her. Time to treat yourself better. 😉

I hope that helps.

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[Ethan Morales]

You’re in a tricky but very human situation. You clearly care deeply for this woman, and she clearly has strong feelings for you but she’s coming out of a relationship that ended badly and is emotionally fragile. That means she’s torn between wanting to be with you and needing space to properly process her feelings and end her previous relationship. Her creating a dating profile while she’s “not ready” is not necessarily a sign she doesn’t care about you; it can be a way for her to explore options safely while emotionally disentangling herself. It’s frustrating, but it’s not unusual in post-breakup transitions.

From what you describe, your past interactions flowers, notes, messages of love show that she values you and feels regret about choices she made. The problem isn’t a lack of care; it’s timing and emotional readiness. If you push for exclusivity or an immediate relationship before she’s resolved her previous attachment, you risk repeating the same cycle of pressure and withdrawal that happened before. That’s why April Masini would likely advise patience and emotional steadiness.

Right now, the key is maintaining presence without pressure. That means you continue to show care and interest in ways that don’t force decisions: thoughtful gestures, light communication, emotional support. You’ve already backed off in some areas, which is good it reinforces that you respect her pace. Resist the urge to ask “where do we stand” constantly, because that creates pressure she isn’t ready to handle, even if her feelings for you are real.

Another important aspect is managing your own emotions. Feeling anxious, impatient, or worried about being “on the back burner” is normal, but it’s also your responsibility to regulate. Keep yourself engaged in your own life friends, work, hobbies so that your happiness isn’t entirely dependent on her pace. This will help you approach her with calm, confidence, and patience, which she will notice and appreciate.

When she’s truly ready to be with you, she will initiate the shift. You don’t have to chase or demand it; your consistency and respect for her emotional process makes you the safe, steady choice. Think of this as creating the environment where she can arrive at you willingly rather than out of guilt, pressure, or convenience.

Continue being supportive but hands-off regarding commitment, manage your own emotional investment carefully, and allow her the space to complete her breakup fully. Keep demonstrating that you’re consistent, patient, and emotionally strong that’s how you “win” her without forcing the issue.

[Tara]

She is not your future girlfriend, she is using you as an emotional crutch while she heals from her breakup. You are the convenient ego-boost, the on-call therapist, the free entertainment, the guy who gives her attention so she doesn’t have to sit alone with her feelings. That’s why she texts you all day, sends you flirty crumbs, and gives you “just enough” to keep you hooked but not enough to make a move on you. If she actually wanted you, you wouldn’t be sitting here writing an essay begging strangers for permission to ask her out. She’d already be making it clear.

You’re acting like you’re in some magical soulmate connection, but what you really are is the rebound safety net. Women flirt when they’re insecure, vulnerable, lonely, or just enjoying the attention. It doesn’t automatically mean you’re the “next guy.” She’s 25, cute, newly single, learning her power she’s not committing to the 40-year-old office dad two minutes after dumping her boyfriend. And no, you cannot “assure yourself you’re next.” That’s not how this works. You don’t get a place in line.

As long as you keep being her emotional tampon, she has zero incentive to date you. Why would she? She gets all the benefits validation, support, attention, comfort without giving you anything real back. She can move on to another guy anytime, and you’ll be sitting there confused, wondering why she didn’t pick you after you “invested so much.”

If you want to know whether this could ever be more, stop acting like her therapist and start acting like a man with a backbone. Pull back. Stop being available 24/7. Stop texting constantly. And if you want a date, just ask her like a grown adult instead of waiting for the heavens to part and a sign to fall into your lap. If she says no? Congratulations you finally know the truth instead of living in fantasy. If she says yes? Great. But this “waiting for the perfect time” is just cowardice dressed up as caution.

Either make a move and accept the answer like a man, or accept that you’re nothing but her rebound emotional pacifier and walk away. Just stop pretending you’re her secret soulmate when you’re acting like her unpaid emotional support line.

[Sally]

It feels good when someone lights up your day like that, and it’s easy to start imagining what it could be. But here’s the part nobody likes to sit with — she’s still healing, even if she says she’s fine. People lean hard on the person who makes them feel better, and sometimes it looks a lot like romance even when they’re not ready for anything real.

You haven’t done anything wrong by being there for her. Just don’t rush to make it more. If she wants something beyond the flirting and the comfort, she’ll make it clear when she’s steady again. And you’ll feel it without having to guess.

For now, keep it light, keep it kind, and don’t build your whole heart around what might happen. Let her come toward you on her own time.

[Natalie Noah]

He is emotionally invested in this woman and genuinely believes in her feelings for him. He has shown patience, restraint, and care, particularly when she was navigating post-breakup emotions. He wants to do things “right” and avoid pushing her before she’s ready, which shows a lot of empathy and maturity. However, it’s also evident that he’s caught in a complex pattern of mixed signals, which has left him frustrated and uncertain about the next step.

The biggest challenge here is the mismatch between her words and actions. She expresses love, interest, and remorse over her past choices, yet she continues to maintain her relationship with her ex and even opens herself up to other dating avenues online. While he focuses on her words, her actions clearly indicate that she is not yet fully ready to commit or prioritize a relationship with him. This inconsistency is naturally stressful and creates confusion, and it’s something he needs to weigh carefully. Actions often communicate more about a person’s readiness and intentions than words alone.

Your pattern of repeatedly trying to pursue her, stepping back, and then re-engaging has inadvertently reinforced the mixed signals. While his intentions are good, some of his behaviors like agreeing to wine/movie nights while she’s not ready or responding to her attempts to reconnect immediately have blurred boundaries and prolonged ambiguity. She’s relying on him for emotional support without fully committing, which puts him in a position where he’s giving more than he’s receiving in terms of clarity and security.

The healthiest approach for Ty now is to establish firm boundaries for himself while maintaining compassion for her situation. He cannot force her feelings or speed up her break-up process, and continuing to place himself in the middle of her transition between partners risks emotional exhaustion. Pulling back slightly, focusing on his own life, and being ready to date her only once she is fully available and committed will help him regain a sense of control and dignity in the situation. Patience is key, but it must be paired with self-protection and realism.

Despite the deep feelings and strong emotional connection, Ty must accept that he cannot guarantee her readiness or loyalty, nor can he dictate her timeline. The clear signs of interest are present in words, but her actions speak more loudly, and those actions indicate she’s not yet ready to be fully present in a relationship with him. His focus should be on maintaining his emotional boundaries, observing her actions rather than her words, and being prepared to step forward only when the situation is truly aligned with mutual commitment.

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