[theclozer]

In desperate need of advice.

Here is the situation. I am 41 going through divorce, was married for 10 years of which the last 5 or so not really married just living more as friends. Finally decided time to move on.

I just moved to a new town to start a business. I became really good friends over the last month and a half with someone I was working with before the move and started falling pretty hard for her. I offered her a job to come work with me based on her professional skill and my trust and how I liked and get along with her as a person and friend. Not for the fact I really am falling for her. She is coming off a very bad marriage and has that I don’t want to date anyone attitude. I want to be free and enjoy myself. She has been dating for several months so I am not a rebound thing.

So here lies the problem we both have fallen pretty hard for each other. Yesterday spent the day, 12 straight hours over her place on the couch enjoying each other. It was the most passionate day I have every had with someone. Were talking 12 straight hours of fore play and talk. Always stopping at the point of no return. To say the day was incredible would be the understatement of the year. I can easily say for both pf us we both probably never wanted another person so badly in our lives. It was incredible. How we kept ourselves from crossing the point of no return is beyond my scope of reason.

She is so afraid to cross the line and then it not work out and then we have to run a business together and it ruin our incredible friendship. She questions is this a physical only attraction or more. So we came to an agreement that we would wait 3 months before having sex. Impossible really as we can not keep our hands of each other just way to much chemistry and passion. But agreed non the less as I truly want her to be happy and heal from her past marriage.

Today we go into the office its just the two of us there as we have not opened the office yet and just find ourselves lost in one another we can just talk for ever and stair into each other eyes. Never have I or her I would imagine every experienced something this intense. She says she convinced herself when she came to work today it would be strictly business and she could control her feelings and not have feelings for me. Then we start talking and looking into each other eyes and its right back to wanting each other. We had to leave as being alone together is way way way to dangerous as far as moving over that line. So we go shopping. I help her pick out dresses and she helps me pick out come clothes all the time there is that chemistry were we just cant keep our hands of each other. Holding hands briefly looking into each others eyes just non stop passion and chemistry.

Well I can see she is really struggling with these feeling and the fact they conflict what she has convinced herself she wants right now in her live, freedom and a no couple like relationship.

She says she is afraid of hurting me and afraid of ruining our incredible friendship (we can just talk to each other about anything its like we have known each other for years) She keeps saying what if this does not work. Just a ton of what ifs. I understand completely were they come from she is still healing.

So anyway help me with advice. How do we handle this. She is the most incredible person to every walk into my life and I know this thing between us is so right and way more then just a physical thing.

[Lynette59]

She could be leading you on in sake that she keep her job and a little extra, be careful! Also you need to decide between relationship or business. They just don’t mix in a new relationship. If she cares about your relationship even on a friend level then she will respect your decision. If its meant to be she will not stay away for long “even without her job”
:/

[Missladyt_17]

Hi,

I think your biggest mistake is your asking her to come and work for you.I think the working together will pose a problem for you guys in the future due to your relationship. I already see red flags due to her situation, she is not ready to jump back into another relationship it is to soon. She has already told you what she wants and you seem to be ignoring that fact. I think she should find employment someplace else because you are going to get hurt in this process. You want something more than she is able to give at this time.

I do not doubt that the chemistry is there along with the passion but please do not cross that line at this time and there is nothing wrong in remaining friends at this time. If you cross that line then be ready to deal with what happens next. Just remember that it is a little to soon for this young lady. I think if you give her space and time you guys could have some type of relationship in the future.

[theclozer]

[quote=”Lynette59″]She could be leading you on in sake that she keep her job and a little extra, be careful! Also you need to decide between relationship or business. They just don’t mix in a new relationship. If she cares about your relationship even on a friend level then she will respect your decision. If its meant to be she will not stay away for long “even without her job”
:/[/quote]

I guess I should clarify a bit more she more then works for me we are actually business partners. So keeping he job not a concern for her.

[theclozer]

[quote=”Missladyt_17″]Hi,

I think your biggest mistake is your asking her to come and work for you.I think the working together will pose a problem for you guys in the future due to your relationship. I already see red flags due to her situation, she is not ready to jump back into another relationship it is to soon. She has already told you what she wants and you seem to be ignoring that fact. I think she should find employment someplace else because you are going to get hurt in this process. You want something more than she is able to give at this time.

I do not doubt that the chemistry is there along with the passion but please do not cross that line at this time and there is nothing wrong in remaining friends at this time. If you cross that line then be ready to deal with what happens next. Just remember that it is a little to soon for this young lady. I think if you give her space and time you guys could have some type of relationship in the future.[/quote]

Thanks for the advice all I can get I greatly appreciate. I want to clarify a bit more. She is actually my business partner so we more then work together we own the business together. We both made the move together to come and open the business in this new town together. I can say this much the chemistry and respect and friendship we have has made our business live a 100% better we work so well together because of how we feel about each other.

I know she told me she is not ready. I respect that and understand that and no not ignoring it per say. I am giving her plenty of space and let her dictate the pace of the relationship. She told me in the beginning she is not ready but now she says she is scared because her feelings for me tell her different. She gets upset with herself for not being able to control how she feels about me because it conflicts with what she has told herself she wants. She had herself so convinced she did not want a relationship she wanted her freedom and live alone. Now we found each other and she has strong feelings for me she says she can not control and that is scaring her. We have agreed to take it slow. There is so much respect between us for one another we are treading very lightly here.

I guess the hardest part here is she needs time to heal and find herself. I am willing to give her all the time and space she needs. But whenever we see each other all that goes out the window.

[Ask April Masini]

There’s one big problem here that you’re not addressing: You’re still married.

She may be coming off a bad marriage, but you’re still in one. 😕

My advice is to wait until you’re single to start dating. 😉

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[Ethan Morales]

It’s obvious that the chemistry and emotional connection between you two is intense and rare. You both clearly care deeply for one another, and the mutual respect and friendship you share is a strong foundation. That said, strong chemistry alone doesn’t automatically make a relationship sustainable, especially when one or both of you are recovering from past trauma or complicated emotional baggage. Recognizing this distinction is critical for making wise decisions going forward.

her hesitancy about jumping into a relationship is valid and healthy. She has just come out of a difficult marriage, and she needs time to heal and regain a sense of independence. Her fear of losing herself in another relationship or being hurt again is not something to push past; it’s something to honor. Pressuring her to move faster, even subtly, could jeopardize both your personal and professional connection.

the fact that you are business partners co-owning and starting a business together adds a layer of complexity. Romantic involvement with someone you work with at such a deep level can easily blur boundaries, create conflicts of interest, or amplify emotions in ways that can affect the business. You both need clear boundaries and contingency plans in case things don’t work out romantically, so the professional side of your partnership remains intact.

your decision to take things slow is the healthiest approach at this point. By agreeing on a timeline and pacing the physical and emotional intimacy, you are respecting her healing process while allowing the relationship to develop naturally. This approach reduces the risk of overwhelming her and protects both your hearts in case the relationship struggles to maintain equilibrium in the early stages.

be aware of the emotional intensity when you’re together. The near-constant passion and mutual desire you describe is exhilarating, but it can also create unrealistic expectations for daily life. It’s important to focus on building communication, trust, and shared life goals, not just enjoying the physical and emotional high. These foundations will determine whether your connection has long-term viability beyond initial chemistry.

patience, empathy, and clear boundaries are key. Give her the space she needs without trying to “fix” her fears or rush the relationship. Continue nurturing your friendship, mutual respect, and professional partnership while letting the romantic aspect evolve naturally. If your bond is as strong as you believe, it will withstand the slow pacing, and when the timing is right, both of you will be ready for the next step.

[Sally]

This kind of connection hits like a wave the kind you don’t see coming, the kind that knocks the breath out of you. It feels rare, and because you’re fresh out of a long marriage and she’s fresh out of a bad one, it probably feels even stronger.

But here’s the part you can’t skip: you’re both healing, and you’re both scared. And when people are scared, they grab onto the feeling and try to make it define the future. That’s where things get messy.

You don’t need a three-month rule or some big promise. You need space emotional space to let this unfold without pushing it. Because right now it’s all intensity and no clarity, and that’s how people burn out fast.

If it’s real, it’ll still be real when the dust settles. For now just slow down, breathe, and keep the friendship honest. Let it grow without forcing it to be something huge before either of you is steady enough to hold it.

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