[redlotus]

hi April,

i have been dating my boyfriend for 6 years now. i am 25 and he is 26. we are each other’s first serious partner. over the course of 6 years my feelings for him has yo-yo’d up and down.
In the past 3 or so years – once every year i go through a phase where i have no feelings and want to break it up but i never had the heart to and here i am again. it breaks my heart the thought of telling him that i want to end it because he is an extremely nice guy. he goes out of his way to do things for me, puts up with my moods, has a high patience for me, loves me more than i love him, he never argues with me but i feel like he is not the right fit for me. although he is nice,caring and etc he is not romantic and spontaneous. we do not talk like couples do. we don’t even “talk” that much. a lot of it is just jokes and how’s your day and that’s about it. i can’t even say that i am in love right now. we haven’t been intimate for a while now. we don’t kiss or really hold hands. when he sleeps over i stay on my side of the bed and don’t really like him touching me anymore.

whilst all of this was going on, i was chatting to an old friend that i’ve known for about 10 years and i fell for him… we were constantly texting all day everyday for about 2 months.. you could say i was cheating emotionally. i really wanted to be with this guy and was willing to give up so much including my current relationship but unfortunately things fell apart with this new guy also. i don’t know what happened but i am assuming he got bored of it and decided not to talk to me anymore. i really want to talk to him again but i know he is no longer interested in me and so i am trying my best to forget him. forget that we even had anything going on but it’s so hard because i still think about him all day everyday.

i am lost, a part of me tells me i should just forget about the new guy because there isn’t anything left and i should break up with my current boyfriend because i have seem to fallen out of love and it is not fair on him. i feel that he deserves another girl who will value his love more than i do.

not only am i afraid to hurt him i am also afraid of loneliness. since dating him for 6 years i have lost a lot of friends. i don’t really have many friends left for support. i am afraid that loneliness will be the death of me and i will end up running back to my boyfriend for company. and what if i will never find anyone as nice and caring as he is?

i don’t know what to do…

x
Bel.

[Ask April Masini]

Your problem isn’t the new guy. He’s just the symptom of the problem. 😉 The problem is the relationship you’re in now. You’re basically mercy dating your boyfriend. 😳 After six years of dating, you’ve outgrown him, and now you’re stringing him along because you’re afraid of being alone. You’re using his being a nice guy who doesn’t deserve to be dumped as an excuse. I know that a break up will hurt him, but consider if the tables were turned. Would [i]you[/i] really want a boyfriend who no longer loved you or was interested in you, and was looking elsewhere for attention, simply because he was afraid to break up with you? I know your answer is no.

As for the other guy, you tested the waters with someone safe, but he lost interest — probably because you weren’t really available. Clearly you have to let go of the boyfriend and give up the six year relationship that doesn’t serve you any more. You’ll never find the relationship you’re looking for if you’re not single.

Time to move on. 😉

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