[Robson09]

Hi April,

I’m sorry to bother you with this but my ‘go-to-friends’ are being very helpful.
Me and my ex-girlfriend broke up in the summer,she got a new boyfriend a month after,one of her best friends, we didn’t talk the whole summer. When university started she started talking with me,flirted a little bit and things like that. I’m sure I had a talk with her about us on one of the nights I was drunk although we still talking normally.
Last Friday she was around the campus drinking with some girl friends, we didn’t talk to each other, so everyone went to the college bar, I went to the dance floor with some friends, she was dance with a guy probably one of her friends, she was giving me dirty looks the whole time so I decided to go talk to her. |I’m pretty sure we argued a little,later somehow we were dancing and the kiss happened,one of her friends yelled her name, so we stopped and she started crying,I left and came back a few minutes after she was ‘ok’, then I guess we argued again, so we started dancing together again for a while then we started kissing,and we were like that for the rest of the night,it got intense to a point that she took my shirt off threw me against a wall and started kissing me.
All her friends were there plus the boyfriend’s friends and best friend, my guess is that at least someone seen that, because my friends saw it.
We were both drunk although she got emotional at one point and asked me if I still love her, i asked the same question and she said that she still does,she even said she was happier with me. Later the night I just ask one of her friends to drove her home.
Next morning at 7am, she started texting, saying she doesn’t remember what happened last night, I told her what I remember, she didn’t deny it or anything she just seen scared, she didn’t get mad at me, just asked me to not tell anyone.
She doesn’t want the boyfriend to find out, I’m guessing he will eventually.
I just don’t know what to do now, after what happened friday night and the things she told me. I didn’t talk to her since saturday afternoon.

[April Masini, your AskApril]

You reported the facts — but only the facts! You forgot to tell me what YOU want to have happen. Do you want to date her again? Do you want to forget the whole episode as a drunken night? Do you want to be friends?

Tell me what you want out of this experience, and I’ll help you with my advice.

Join me on Facebook! Here’s that link: [url][/url].

[Robson09]

I’m sorry.
I’d want to date her again,I just have no idea about what to do. We talked a lot yesterday and stuff.
Her actions doesn’t make any sense.

[April Masini, your AskApril]

If you understand her actions better, you’ll know how to proceed. But in order for me to help you, I need to know more about the situation. For instance, how old are you both and how long did you date before breaking up. Also, why did you break up?

Clearly, she’s still got some affection for you, but if I can know if this was a short term or long term relationship and what broke the two of you up, I’ll have a better clue as to how to advise you and if there’s some hope for a reunion or not.

Let me know! And in the meantime, don’t forget to join me on Facebook. Here’s that link: [url][/url].

[Robson09]

I’ve been trying to understand her,for personal experience I never actually with any of my ex-girlfriends just that normal ‘talk’ when we bumped into each other,also even when one of my friend’s girlfriend cheated on him with me and his girlfriend never talked again after that.

One of my good friends keep telling to just keep talking and being friendly not going to hard on her,and not talk about ‘us’.

I’m 19 and she’s 20, we are both young.
We dated for about 3 months,we were really attached and ‘romantic’ with each other,we get a long extremely well.
We broke up because of the distance,I live in Burnaby-B.C. and she lives in glace bay-Nova Scotia.We both attend the same university. I was working during the whole summer so I couldn’t visit her, She was coming to stay with me for a couple months,she even had the plain tickets. Although she is diabetic. She gets sick really easily (her heart even stopped last year ). She even for a ‘check-up’, her blood work came out really bad and the doctor advised her to not go away. For the next few days we were fighting a bit ,we had a talk about it and decided to break up because the ‘computer/phone thing’ was getting on our nerves.
I’m guessing her new relationship was a ‘rebound’. The only time I see her with the boyfriend is in college,never actually showed any affection towards him.
We dated for only 3 months we had a lot of plans for the rest of the year.
Since Friday we still talking and everything she even complained once I wasn’t being talkative at all.

What I think she might be doing,as you said April I’m pretty sure she still has affection for me. I’m guessing maybe the fact that her boyfriend is a good friend of most of her friends if he finds out that she cheated on him with me,there would be a lot of trouble.

Maybe some facts that would help, that I’m the only ex that she still talks with ( at least everyday ),she always showed affection with her boyfriends,she haven’t done that with this guy. She pretty much told me I was the last guy that she sleep with ( which it was 6 months ago),When we were still dating (she never cheated on me) but when she got really drunk and just danced with another guy she told me,when her ex actually almost ‘rapped’ her by jumping on her trying to kiss her and unbutton her shirt, she told me and she doesn’t want to tell her boyfriend about Friday. If I talk with another girl that she doesn’t know, when she is around I can notice that she gets upset. She have asked me before if I still think about us, and Friday as I mentioned she asked if I missed her and if I still love her I asked her the same question she replied yes for both.As inappropriate as it can sound while we were dancing and making out on Friday I asked a few times and she wanted me to leave, she always said no and always said yes when I asked her if wanted me to stay with her,even though she was somewhat drunk.

I really apologize for bringing my problem to you,I read of you books a while ago ( Date Out Of Your League),I’m guessing that’s how I got with this girl. Just the things that she’s doing now I couldn’t find an explanation for it, even my best friends are clueless about the whole situation.

[April Masini, your AskApril]

Okay, thanks for all the details. I can now see that your break up wasn’t because of feelings — it was because of distance and her health. But now that you’re both on the same campus distance is no longer a problem, and it sure sounds like wants to start up with you again. She’s dating another guy, but if you want to compete for her, you should do it. Read Date Out Of Your League [url]https://www.askapril.com/relationship-dating-advice/date-out-of-your-league.html[/url] and follow the instructions for getting the girl. Be your own man and don’t be complicit in a secret relationship. If you want her, go for it.

I hope that helps, and that you’ll join me on Facebook: [url][/url].

[Robson09]

Dear April,

Sorry to bother you again,I’ve been following the book’s instructions and everything so far was working, we were hanging out quite a bit, she complained a bit that she doesn’t want her boyfriend to know that she’s smoking now,she said that was going to be ‘our secret’.
Although something unexpected happened last night, I went to a bar in her town for a friend birthday, she showed up there. She literally flipped on me,because apparently I was dancing with one of her friends ( that I had no idea that was her friend), I just walked away and later went to another bar while she was texting that she hates me and said the f word a few times.
This morning I texted her to find out what happened,she was still mad at me and she was saying things like she shouldn’t be around me anymore,she’s not sure if she can be just friends because if she sees me with someone else she gets too mad.

What should I do ?

[April Masini, your AskApril]

It’s time to make your move. She clearly likes you a lot, but wants her cake and to eat it, too. She wants to have her boyfriend, but keep you on the side — to herself! She’s got a control issue and that rears it’s head when she tells you that her smoking is going to be a secret the two of you keep from her boyfriend. It rears it’s head again when she doesn’t want you to be her sole boyfriend, but she doesn’t like you dancing with other women.

You’ve got to step it up and let her know that you want her for yourself and if she’s all yours, you won’t be dancing with other girls in clubs at night — you’ll be dancing with her. If she can handle being a relationship with you, you want to date her — exclusively. No secret smoking club. No tantrums in nightclubs. Just a full on relationship. If she can’t handle that, then she needs to take care of her own business and cut you off if being around you as a friend is too painful. Let her know you get it that she’s attracted to you, and you’re ready and willing — as of right now. Let her know that you understand your own value and if she wants in, this is the moment.

Your strength and resolve are going to be very attractive to her. But if she’s just not mature enough to handle a real relationship, you’ll know it by her response.

I hope that helps. Let me know how things go. And join me on Twitter @AskAprilcom (no dot!). 🙂

[Robson09]

She’s acting really weird now.
2 nights ago I texted her ask inf if she’s mad ,she deny it and asked if that’s how it’s going to be from now on, she said she didn’t know then I told her to figure it out and let me now, because if she decides to not talk to me anymore there’s some last things I would like to tell her,and she kept asking what it was because she was curious.
I didn’t text back, then last night about 2am, I just sent her a ‘smile face’, she was rude asking me what I want, i said nothing, we both said ok later and she kept saying bye,even when I also said the same,all the sudden she tells me to f***off, I told her ‘I stopped texting you, I’m trying to sleep to bye’,later she only texts me ‘ hammered’, I said the same things and I check my phone this morning there was a text from her at 3:40am saying ‘ I know you ain’t sleeping’.
So this morning I was texting her everything was alright when I asked if she wanted to do something today, she started saying we can’t do that because she has a boyfriend, then she thinks we shouldn’t even be talking,then I only said I wanted to tell her something and she wouldn’t hear from me anymore,now she was saying that she doesn’t know why I’m making such a big deal, that she doesn’t wanna meet me to talk,by text she said ‘ I don’t care what you are going to say, I date kurt’.

I’d love this girl April, but she behaves like that still loves me, but if I confront her she behaves like the complete opposite. As you said loos like she doesn’t want to break up with the guy but at the same time she wants to keep me to herself. After she saw with another girl that night, she’s acting really rude and like she doesn’t care and be fore that night we were just fine. I’m guessing that another one of her head games because she knows I will go after her eventually. I was going to send her a message telling her everything she’s being doing and how I feel about that but as I second thought I decide not to.

[April Masini, your AskApril]

You didn’t take my advice, and you’re behaving as if you want to stay engaged in this dysfunction. If you want to get out of this mess, YOU have to change your behavior.

Since I last advised you, you’ve dug yourself in deeper. There’s no reason to text someone at 2 a.m. with a smiley face when you have this kind of dysfunction going on. It’s just antagonizing — and that’s exactly the reaction you got from her. She’s now had enough and she’s told you she’s got another boyfriend and she’s not interested.

Sorry — I can only give the advice. I can’t make you take it! 😕

Good luck!

And see you on Twitter @AskAprilcom (no dot!).

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