[SomethingSomething]

So, here it goes…

Although I’m 32, I don’t have much dating experience. Since I was 18, all I had were 2 serious relationships (living together, etc) – both ending after I realized that I was played badly. The first one wanted me to stay home and be housewife (although he encouraged me to finish my grad studies), and the second one wanted “get out of mom’s home/meal ticket”. Of course, both wanted “single-sided open relationship” – with my side being locked tight, of course.

So, since early fall, I’ve been single. Around Christmas, I met this guy and we’re inseparable since. We see each other daily, he helps me any way he possibly could (e.g. driving me to/from work during heavy snow, carrying my groceries, calling to see if I needed anything if I had a headache/cold), he makes sure I get home safe (if he’s driving, he walks me to my doorstep; if I am, he calls to check if everything is OK), he teases me, but never in a hurtful way… In a nutshell, he treats me better than any man I’ve ever known.

When I’m available (I have weird schedule and mostly work from home), we hang out most of the day; and when I’m not, he makes sure we see each other – even if it means dropping by my home/office with a mug of my fav coffee (his specialty). We are together every weekend (Fridays are drinks, Saturdays are clubbing, and Sundays hanging out with friends/movie night). Whenever we meet/part, we kiss on cheek and hug – even if one is picking up another in a busy street. We always sit next to each other and we often hug “for occasion” (the “Awww, you’re the best!” thing). When we walk through deep snow or on ice, he always holds my hand and retains it even when we clear “rough terrain”. I also make sure to reciprocate – since he lives alone, he surely appreciates a home-cooked meal here and there 😉

There’s just one thing that bothers him (I don’t care about stuff like that) – difference in education. I’m pursuing my PhD and have a great career, and he didn’t graduate from college. I make sure to convince him that it is not an issue at all (in fact, he only found out from common friend who introduced us about my PhD – I’m doing it so I could tell the world what I’ve learned in business, not to get a title and it’s taking me forever), but his parents had put the worm in his brain that he’s no good without a degree. However, he excels at martial arts, something I could only dream about…

He also got his fair share of bashing from opposite sex – always being means rather than ends for many girls.

Now, I do have quite a lot of male friends. And none of them had ever treated me this way. Hell, not even my boyfriends had treated me this way – not even at the beginning!

Am I reading something wrong here? Or am I doing something wrong? Should I do something more, or just let him take (or retain) the leading role? I know we practically met yesterday, but all that attention is a bit too much for a friendship.

And yes, I do care about him. Whenever I see his car rolling in or him approaching, even if I see a text/caller ID on my cell, I smile without intention – or at least others say so. When I’m approaching, he also gives me one of those genuine, kinda dreamy smiles.

Thanks 🙂

[Ask April Masini]

It sounds like he hasn’t asked you out on a date. If he does, then you’ll know that he wants a romantic, dating relationship with you. If he doesn’t, it’s because there are some problems between the two of you that [i]he[/i] perceives, even if you don’t agree with them.

But the real problem here is that you’ve been in only two relationships, both living together with a guy — and you feel like they were both situations that didn’t work for you. It really sounds like you’re trying to slide into the same type of relationship. My advice is that you date him until you get to know him better before you get too committed emotionally. Don’t try to talk him into something he doesn’t want — for instance, if he thinks the education disparity between the two of you is a deal breaker, respect his decision instead of deciding he’s wrong. See him for who he is — and that requires objectivity that real dating provides. 😉

I hope that helps. Let me know how things go, and please follow me @AskAprilcom on Twitter and on Facebook at this link: [url][/url].

[SomethingSomething]

Dear April, thanks for a very quick response 😀

First of all, I’m not going to rush into another “living together” situation. At the moment, I’m fine with the things the way they are. Both my previous relationships were kinda rushed into being serious, and now “taking things very VERY slow” agrees with me. I’m not one of those believing that a girl should get married at a certain age because “it’s the right thing to do”.

Second, I really enjoy all the attention and everything and I’m kinda questioning myself – am I liking the guy or the things that he does for me? Am I using him? Am I doing something to push him away with my attitude or anything?

And finally, the main reason I’ve asked the question is that many people are asking me if we are together, saying that we look like a couple in public and that he’s really into me. So I’ve opted for “independent expert’s opinion” 🙂

[Ask April Masini]

You’re welcome! Let me know if you have any other questions. 😀

[SomethingSomething]

Now, here’s another one…

The other day, he was driving me home from work and he said he’s got something for me and he would really like me to accept it. So, he took a wrist watch from his pocket and placed it on my wrist. (In this modern day and age, I generally don’t wear wrist watch – I use my cell phone to see the time).

So, not being much of a watches connoisseur, I’ve looked it up on web… This thing costs like 1/4 of my car!!! And I don’t drive an old beater, to say the least…

Tonight, we were at our regular club and were talking about a girl I’m training to work with me. He said something like “When you finish training her, she can take over Thursdays and Fridays, and the two of us can go out of town and relax somewhere nice!”

OK, he knows how busy is my life, and that sometimes I have to work weekends… Tonight, he even said he wants to (re)start his undergrad studies…

As a friend said “You two spend 24/7 together – kissing, sleeping together or just holding hands and chatting – you spend more quality time together than any ‘serious’ couple I know”.

Am I to wait for him to get his diploma for him to be “equal” (in his eyes)?!?!

[Ask April Masini]

Definitely not! 😉

[SomethingSomething]

Let me answer my own question… We are definitely “more” – since last night…

I’ve spent the last weekend with my best friend (the guy that introduced us) and his gf – we went to his parents’ countryside house. My bf (I’m not the one using the word first) couldn’t come because it was his weekend with his kids, so for the first time since we met we hadn’t seen each other for 2 and a half days. Of course, that doesn’t mean that we severed any contact – we were texting and talking most of the day and night…

So, when I returned, he kept repeating how much he missed me… And the rest is history…

Now, I don’t want to be clingy or anything, so I try not to initiate, but I’m kinda afraid that i might appear “too cold”. How can I find middle ground? And does it exist anyway?

[Ask April Masini]

I’m really happy to help you with specific questions, but since you say you’re 32 without much dating experience, and the questions you’re asking now are pretty general, my best advice is that you buy and read Think & Date Like A Man: [url]https://www.askapril.com/relationship-dating-advice/think-and-date-like-a-man.html[/url], a book I wrote for women who want to win the dating game! You’ll get a lot of advice that is well organized and easy to read. This book will help you with all the questions you have now. 😀

Buy the book (it’s only $8.99) and read it (it’s the weekend!)….

😀 😀

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[Ethan Morales]

It’s clear that this man is treating you exceptionally well perhaps better than anyone you’ve ever dated. His attention, care, and consideration are unmistakable signs that he values you and your well-being. The gestures you described checking in on you, helping with errands, holding your hand in public, being affectionate and thoughtful are all very strong indicators of genuine interest and affection.

it’s important to acknowledge your own feelings: you’re clearly very drawn to him, and you notice your own excitement and happiness when he’s around. This is a positive signal, but it also suggests that your emotional investment is already high, which can make it easier to overlook potential concerns or inconsistencies. Awareness of this dynamic will help you maintain perspective as you get to know him better.

there is a notable concern regarding the education disparity and his self-perception. Even if you don’t see it as an issue, he may be internalizing societal or familial expectations, which could influence how he views himself and the relationship. This is not necessarily a deal breaker, but it’s something to observe and navigate sensitively. Pressuring him or dismissing his insecurities could backfire, so patience and gentle reassurance are key.

you also need to be mindful of the pace of the relationship. While his attentiveness is flattering, you’re still early in getting to know each other. Rapid emotional intensity can feel overwhelming for both parties and may lead to misunderstandings. It’s wise to maintain balance: reciprocate his affection naturally, but allow the relationship to evolve organically rather than trying to define it too quickly.

your reflections on previous relationships are very insightful. You’ve experienced dynamics where you were undervalued or taken for granted, and your instincts now are sharper. It’s understandable to feel cautious about sliding too quickly into a relationship that seems ideal, because you want to ensure that your emotional investment is matched by long-term compatibility, not just charm and attention.

the best approach is to let him lead in expressing romantic intent while you remain responsive and clear about your own boundaries and desires. Observe his actions over time, see how he communicates about exclusivity, and maintain open, honest communication without rushing. Your careful approach now will allow you to build a relationship based on mutual respect, affection, and understanding, rather than on intensity alone.

[Tara]

You’re not “reading it wrong.” You’re just pretending you don’t already see what’s happening because admitting it would force you to make a move instead of hiding behind indecision. This man is not treating you like a friend not even remotely.

Men don’t spend every day with a woman, take care of her, show up for her, hold her hand, bring her coffee, check she got home safe, hug her at every hello and goodbye, sit pressed up against her, and look at her like she’s the best part of his day unless they want more. He’s already behaving like your boyfriend he’s just scared to call himself that because he thinks he’s not “good enough” for you. And instead of addressing that, you’re overanalyzing like you need a secret decoder ring to figure out his intentions. You don’t.

You’re not doing anything wrong. You’re just playing small. You’re letting him lead while he’s terrified of leading because he thinks your education makes you out of his league. Meanwhile, you’re both acting like this is some fragile friendship when it’s obviously a relationship waiting to be acknowledged. You’re not confused you’re afraid. Afraid of misreading him, afraid of repeating old mistakes, afraid of stepping into something that feels real. So you pretend you “need signs,” while he’s practically carving them into the sidewalk.

[Lune David]

**Alright, buckle up… here we go.

I just went through this entire thread — yes, every twist, turn, wristwatch, snowstorm, hug, and philosophical debate about degrees — and I’ve gotta say… you two stopped being ‘just friends’ somewhere around the part where he held your hand after the ice was gone.

Look, guys don’t do all that for a ‘buddy.’ Nobody is driving through blizzards, delivering gourmet coffee, offering weekend getaways, dropping a watch worth a quarter of a car, and smiling like he saw the sun for the first time… unless feelings are involved. Real ones. The kind he’s low-key terrified to admit because he thinks your PhD makes you some kind of mythological creature.

You’re not misreading a single thing. You’re just pretending not to see what’s already glowing like a neon sign. The guy is into you. Deeply. Consistently. Unapologetically.

And honestly? You’re into him too — your whole story reads like someone who’s trying hard to be ‘objective’ while already emotionally 10 steps ahead. No judgment… just saying what everyone else is thinking.

The only “problem” here is both of you waiting for the other to make the official move. He’s scared he’s not enough. You’re scared to look too eager. Meanwhile the rest of us are sitting here like…

‘Hello? This is already a relationship!’

So yeah — stop overthinking, keep things steady, and maybe give the guy a little signal that you’re not going anywhere. He doesn’t need to finish a degree to be “equal.” He just needs to know he’s chosen.

Good luck — though honestly, it looks like you two already won.

[Sally]

When a man shows up for you every day, remembers the little things, makes sure you’re safe, makes you laugh, and actually likes being around you… it’s hard not to wonder what this really is. And honestly? This doesn’t read like friendship. Not the way you’re describing it.

Friends don’t build their days around each other like that. Friends don’t kiss on the cheek every time, hold hands through the snow, or light up just from seeing a name pop up on their phone. And men don’t do that level of caring unless something in them is already attached.

What I think is happening is this: he likes you, but he’s scared he’s “not enough.” Not because of you because someone in his life made him feel small. That education thing? That’s not about degrees. That’s his insecurity talking.

You don’t need to push. You don’t need to force a moment. Just stay open. He’s already halfway there, and honestly, so are you.
When he’s ready, he’ll make a move. And when he does, it’s going to feel natural like you both finally admitted what’s been there from the start.

[Natalie Noah]

I can sense both your excitement and your caution, and honestly, you’re navigating something really beautiful but also a bit unfamiliar. you’ve been through relationships where you felt used or undervalued, so it’s natural that now, when someone is giving you consistent care, attention, and affection, you’re questioning yourself are you in love with him, or are you in love with how he makes you feel? that’s a valid feeling. it’s important to separate the person from the gestures: the wristwatch, the thoughtful actions, the little daily attentions these are sweet and meaningful, but they don’t define the relationship on their own. you’re already doing something right by observing, reflecting, and not rushing into cohabitation or serious commitments too quickly.

What stands out to me is how intentional he is in showing respect, care, and consistency walking you home, checking on you when you’re sick, and even considering your needs and schedule. that’s not something most people casually offer, and it speaks volumes about his character and the value he places on you. the fact that he’s aware of his insecurities around education, yet still engages with you deeply, shows that he’s invested in the connection without trying to compete or diminish you. that’s a rare balance, and it’s important that you honor that effort while maintaining your own boundaries and independence.

Your concern about finding the middle ground not being too cold, not being clingy is completely normal. the truth is, there is a natural rhythm that develops over time in relationships. it’s about learning each other’s communication patterns, comfort zones, and ways of showing care. allowing yourself to respond authentically, rather than overthinking every interaction, will actually create the balance you’re seeking. it’s okay to initiate, to show excitement, and to be present. He’ll likely appreciate your warmth and engagement just as much as you appreciate his.

Continue nurturing this relationship slowly, with awareness and care. enjoy the gestures and attention without letting them overshadow the emotional foundation you’re building. ask yourself regularly if your feelings are growing because of who he is, not just what he does, and give yourself space to process that distinction. you’re learning to trust, to observe, and to participate in a healthy, attentive partnership and that’s a skill worth cultivating. your instincts are guiding you well; just stay patient, present, and self-aware.

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