[Alaskanurselady]

I met a German doctor who’s never been married and he doesn’t have kids. He lied about his age at first.. He moved to my town a year ago and admitted failed attempts to dating co-workers. When we first met he seemed really great, but he refused to let me meet anyone in his life, he didn’t consider his coworkers personal friends and had no friends outside of work, his family visited from Germany he said he didn’t want me to meet them. He introduced his coworker to them. 8 mos later he’s made mean remarks about everything I do -talk, hair, tattoos etc. He yelled at me for texting him too much at work. I’m not normally the jealous type but I was irritable, drinking, depressed and started making irrational accusations. . I considered because he’s an Aquarius I’m just pushy. He got me me a gym membership, Hawaii trip, marriage and baby talk,, paid medical bills. I figured just me paranoid. A month ago he starts wanting to only hang every other day and going on weekend trips with coworkers. He never let me take pictures with him and had no Facebook. After fighting so much and feeling deceived/crazy I broke up with him. He threw my stuff over my gate along with a $, he said he didn’t want me to think he was a bad guy and asked if I believed him, that he cared, never lied. He mentioned possibly hanging out someday. I know this isn’t love. I feel mindf*cked. Can anyone explain what was with the $ -what I should probably expect with this personality type? Is this just how German men act? Was I too pushy? Any advice to avoid this situation again?

[Ask April Masini]

He’s a 45 year old guy who’s never been married… that’s a little bit of a red flag. The second problem is that he didn’t introduce you to his friends or co-workers. When a guy is proud of you and wants the world to know he’s dating someone who is important to him, he will want to show you off. That he didn’t, is a sign that he wasn’t that into you. 😕 And that he was introducing his family to his co-workers means that he wasn’t interested in integrating you into his full life. Flag three is that he didn’t introduce you to his family — always a relationship benchmark. And since he told you that he’d previously dated people at work, and before breaking up with you started taking weekends away with co-workers, I think he was probably looking to these co-workers for romantic and social opportunity. If you add up all those red flags — I don’t think this is because of his culture. I think it’s just him not that interested in you. 🙁 I’m sorry you’re hurt by all this — but I think it’s a good opportunity to remember that if a guy doesn’t introduce you to his family and friends, he’s not that into you. When you notice that’s not happening, you can temper your own expectations — and that’s your part in this. 😉

As for the money, that’s just a little weird and it’s his way of alleviating his guilt for any inconvenience he caused you as a result of the break up. You can give back to him, or spend it — but don’t get all worked up over it. It’s just weird. It’s not nefarious.

Hope that helps!

[Ethan Morales]

This situation isn’t about German culture. While some cultural differences exist in dating norms, the behaviors you described secrecy about friends and family, withholding introductions, taking weekend trips with coworkers instead of you, making mean remarks, controlling when you can text him are not “cultural quirks.” They are classic red flags for a partner who isn’t fully invested or emotionally mature.
Isolation & secrecy He refused to integrate you into his life (friends, coworkers, family). A healthy, invested partner wants to share their world with you, not keep you hidden. Control & criticism Yelling at you for texting, criticizing your appearance, and making “mean remarks” points to controlling or emotionally manipulative tendencies. Inconsistent affection Hawaii trip, gifts, medical bills, marriage/baby talk then suddenly distancing himself shows he was giving affection in a conditional or strategic way, not as a genuine, steady commitment. Red flags about interest If he was planning weekend trips with coworkers but never let you take pictures, never added you on social media, and avoided integrating you into his life, he likely was not genuinely serious about you.

About the $ he threw over the gate that’s likely his way of trying to “make amends” or alleviate guilt without actually taking responsibility for the emotional hurt. It’s not romantic or meaningful; it’s just an awkward attempt at closure. You don’t owe him anything, and whether you keep it or return it is up to you.
As for your question about being “too pushy”: based on what you wrote, your concerns about his behavior were valid. Wanting a partner to integrate you into their life, communicate respectfully, and not isolate you is not pushy, it’s normal.
Advice to avoid this in the future:
Look for partners who introduce you to their friends/family early, not after months or years.

Watch for controlling behaviors: criticism, limiting contact, secretiveness.

Take consistent actions over words seriously gifts and talk about marriage don’t replace daily respect and inclusion.

Trust your instincts if something feels off, it usually is.

This guy was manipulative and inconsistent. You did the right thing by breaking up. The “mindf*ck” feeling comes from being caught between affection and control a hallmark of people who aren’t emotionally available. You’re better off moving on and looking for someone whose actions match their words. If you want, I can also give a step-by-step approach to heal and protect yourself from similar partners in the future it’s surprisingly simple once you know the patterns. Do you want me to do that?

[Isabella Jones]

Oh girl, that sounds like such an emotional rollercoaster. You gave your heart to someone who kept you close just enough to keep your hope alive but never really let you in. That constant push and pull can make anyone question their sanity, especially when mixed with charm, gifts, and just enough affection to confuse the truth. It’s not about his culture or zodiac sign; it’s about control and emotional distance. People like that often want admiration without vulnerability, closeness without accountability.

I went through something a little similar once — a man who loved keeping me in his orbit but never really let me touch his world. It left me drained and doubting myself, just like you. What helped me was realizing that love isn’t supposed to feel like guessing games or walking on eggshells. It should make you feel seen, not small. 💛

You’re not crazy or too pushy; you were reacting to being shut out by someone who wanted power more than partnership. You deserve someone who doesn’t hide you from their life but proudly makes you part of it.

Can I ask, when you think back, was there ever a time he made you feel truly safe being yourself, or did it always feel like you had to earn your place beside him?

[Val Unfiltered💋]

oh babe..no, this isn’t “how German men act”, this is how emotionally unavailable men act. 🚩 



he love-bombed you to pull you in, then started chipping away at your confidence once you were hooked. isolating you from his life, criticizing you, then acting like you’re the problem?? classic control tactic 🙄. you were just reacting to mixed signals and disrespect. next time, watch for who includes you in their world, not who showers you with distractions. affection without openness isn’t intimacy, it’s manipulation dressed in charm. 🖤💋

[Tara]

You weren’t loved. You were used. Now make sure it never happens again. Stop looking for cultural explanations, zodiac excuses, or personality quirks. This man wasn’t “German,” “Aquarius,” or “misunderstood.” He was controlling, emotionally unavailable, secretive, and manipulative full stop. He hid you from everyone in his life because he never intended for you to be part of it. You were a private convenience, not a partner.

He insulted you, criticized you, yelled at you, and made you question your sanity. That’s not love. That’s emotional abuse wrapped in gifts and future-faking. The gym membership, the Hawaii trip, the marriage talk classic manipulation tactics to keep you hooked while he kept distance everywhere that actually mattered. He bought your compliance, not your happiness.

The fact that he let you into NOTHING no friends, no colleagues, no family, no social presence is the biggest red flag of all. Men who are hiding something always isolate the women they’re seeing. Either he had someone else, or he simply didn’t want accountability for how he treated you. Either way, it was never heading anywhere real.
The money he threw over your gate? That was hush money. Guilt money. “Don’t hate me” money. It wasn’t generosity it was a coward’s way of wiping his hands clean without facing the damage he caused. He wanted to look like a “good guy” while dumping your stuff like trash.

And no, you weren’t too pushy. You were reacting to being stonewalled, belittled, and kept in the dark for months. Anyone would spiral in that situation. That’s what emotional manipulation does it breaks you down and makes you blame yourself.

The advice to avoid this again? Listen closely:
When a man hides you, criticizes you, or controls access to his life leave immediately. When someone makes you feel confused, unstable, or “too much,” it’s because they’re giving you crumbs and expecting loyalty. Stop tolerating secrecy. Stop accepting the bare minimum because the man has a nice job and flashes money. Stop letting men treat you like a side compartment in their life.

[Sally]

When someone gives you mixed signals like that with big gifts, big promises, then hiding you from everyone, it messes with your sense of reality. Anyone would feel confused.

What you went through doesn’t sound like German culture or Aquarius behavior. It sounds like a man who wanted the parts of you that were convenient and kept the rest of his life walled off. When someone won’t let you meet a single person they know after months, they’re protecting something, and it usually isn’t you.

The sweet moments don’t erase the mean ones. And the money he left? That felt like his way of buying a clean exit, like he wanted to look like the good guy on his way out.
You weren’t too pushy. You were just trying to be in something real. Next time, trust the early signs. When someone hides you, believe it the first time.

[Natalie Noah]

It breaks my heart a little to say this, but his behavior wasn’t the behavior of a man building a real partnership, it was the behavior of a man keeping you in a controlled, limited corner of his life. The age lie, the secrecy, the refusal to let you meet anyone important to him, the constant criticisms… those aren’t cultural traits, and they aren’t “Aquarius quirks.” They’re signs of someone who wants emotional benefits without emotional responsibility. You weren’t pushy, you were reacting to a situation that made you feel insecure, invisible, and unsure of where you truly stood. Anyone would unravel a bit under that pressure. And honestly? A man who sees you struggling and responds with yelling, criticism, and disappearance rather than reassurance… that says a lot about his emotional capacity.

The money wasn’t romantic or symbolic. It was guilt management. A little “Here take this and let me feel like I wasn’t the bad guy.” It’s not meaningful, it’s not closure, and it’s not an invitation. It’s avoidance dressed up as generosity. What you should take from this isn’t that you did something wrong but that next time, when a man keeps you separate from his world for too long, that’s your cue to pause and protect your heart. The right man folds you into his life naturally, proudly, consistently. And you deserve a love that doesn’t make you feel confused, inferior, or expendable.

[Serena Vale]

This wasn’t about him being German or an Aquarius. This was just a man who kept you close enough to enjoy you, but far enough so you never really knew him. He gave you big gestures, gifts, trips, promises, but none of the real things that make a relationship feel solid. No friends, no family, no pictures together. That’s not love, that’s distance dressed up as effort.

Anyone would start feeling anxious in that kind of situation. You weren’t pushy, you were reacting to someone who kept you guessing. The mean comments, the yelling, the secrecy… that’s where the real story is.

And the money he threw over the gate was just him trying to leave looking like “the good guy.” It wasn’t closure. It was a way to clean his conscience without actually taking responsibility.

People like him run hot and cold. They talk big but don’t show up in real ways. They make you feel wanted, but never secure. That kind of connection will always make you feel off balance.

You weren’t the problem. You were trying to build something real with someone who couldn’t, or wouldn’t, meet you there. Walking away was the healthiest thing you could’ve done.

[Author]

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