Dear April,
I met a wonderful woman over the summer. We started dating right away. I was hesitant because she has a 9 year old daughter and recognize the responsibilities that will come with that in the long run. Things were great and she was very much in love with me as I was with her. But I’ve been hurt in the past and I’m more careful and moved slower. The more she demanded (time together, doing things, moving in together) the more stress I felt and arguements it led to.
After a few days of her distancing herself from me. I got the phone call for a 1 week break from the relationship and then last week a final breakup. I panicked and did all the classic mistakes.. flowers, gifts (she accused me of trying to buy her), texting terrorism, saying how much I love her, trying to convince her to stay in the relationship.Even offering her a ring (planned to do it on vacation to Europe we were planning in a few weeks). Everything just pushed her farther away and upset her more. It ended with a very cold indifferent call from her last week telling me to move on with my life and she will with hers.. I know the reasons that led to this.. despite her coming on strong and moving fast honestly most mistakes were on me. Was not there emotionally, scared of the fact that she has a 9 year old daughter, and did take her love for granted.. She was crazy about me and I guess it came too easy for me.
I sent her a short text the other day and to my suprise with in 24 hours got a response. I mentioned that I was okay with the breakup, sorry about my behavior a week earlier (gifts, flowers, texts etc.) didn’t mean to upset her, thanked her and her daughter for being in my life, mentioned I had some good news in my life, and maybe we could be friends in the future but we both need some space now. She called twice before I called her back. She insisted on knowing the great news I had. I avioded the subject and used it as an oppurtunity to ask her out later in the week for a drink Friday or lunch Saturday (that I’ll tell her then). She refused saying “it’s to soon for seeing one another”. She then asked what if we never meet up, how will I know”. I avioded the subject and just said that it’s not something for the phone. I then thanked her and her daughter everything they did for me. She said “that’s why certain people come into our lives”. She then asked me “why to be friends all of a sudden…you said that you could never be friends with someone you loved” I reminded her that in the letter I said maybe, we’ll see. Otherwise then that we talked about our jobs and I did my best to keep it short (7 minutes) then we wished one another good night. Never said I miss you, love you, or showed any desperation.. What should my next move be? Call in a few days.. a week or two., it’s her daughter’s birthday in a few days (wanted to drop by and give her a gift but don’t want her to think that I’m trying to buy my way back in with gifts or through her daughter) or should I just wait for her to contact me again? I don’t want to push her and blow this.. I’m 40 and I feel I’ve finally met someone who can make me happy and build a life with.. Please help.. Hoping for some good advice 😉
Thanks,
Scott
