[ksteinba]

At the beginning of last semester I met this guy who was super cute and adorable. We hit it off and hung out all the time. One night, I was chilling at his place and we watched a movie together. We ended up kissing and cuddling all night and he was adorable and didn’t try anything with me, just kissing and cuddling. A couple nights later it happened again, but this time it went a bit further- not by much, we made out and he started to feel me up, but I stopped him, feeling as though it was a bit too fast. Then, we just cuddled and he told me about two of his exes. Long story short, he cheated on his gf last year after she cheated on him and they were discussing whether or not they should keep dating, but in the meantime he was with the girl he had just gotten with. So, it was iffy as to who he was dating for like the year, but when school was done, he broke up with the second girl. Then after a long pause, he continued with then Tammy said she might want to work it out….and that was recently. So, I told him that we couldn’t date or do any of this until he broke up with her. My exact words were “I won’t wait around, I’ll dump your ass” Then he acted like he really wanted to date me, but never made it happen. And he kept telling me reasons as to why he hadn’t broken up with her officially yet and I just waited and got frustrated. After like 2 months of this, I got angry with him and asked him what was going on and he said that she was going to come down to arizona to talk to him about it and if things matched up they’d be dating again. So, I got mad and told him that there was no way he’d ever have me and that once i left to go home, it was over. And i left the next day. Since then i’ve felt really crappy about it and unwanted/unloved. I don’t really know waht to do and as soon as I got back, we ended up seeing each other (cuz I hang out with his friends every once in a while) and I still really like him, like I can’t help it. And we get along, and I think that he still kind of likes me too, but he now has Tammy as his background on his phone and iPod and calls her his kind of gf, even though she never actually came down. And i just pretend like everything is fine.
Really, what I want to know is how to get him to like me so that I can at least decide whether or not he’s worth it, rather than feeling heart broken every time I see him- which is kind of a lot.
So how do I make myself sexy and wanted by him, the way this tammy chick apparently is, without looking like a slut or even like I really like him?

[Anonymous]

Unloved? What’s love got to do with it?

He cheated on his girlfriends and you’re nothing but merely a side project when he gets bored in his relationship. If he wanted anything serious with you he would have pursued it. Have you ever watched the show, [i]Cheaters[/i]? You know, the guy that has a steady, serious girlfriend and he is out cheating on her with a random woman, and when he is caught he confesses that the other woman was nothing serious, and that his girlfriend is what means the most to him?

Yeah. That’s your situation.

I suggest forgetting about him. Even if he did really like you and pursued you seriously, what kind of a man do you think he is, if he is cheating on his girlfriends? You think he wouldn’t do the same to you? Find a guy who actually likes you for you and who wants you as much as you want them. Have some pride and respect for yourself. Never settle. Don’t beg him to chase you by constantly being up his tail, uttering tough words like “you better leave her or we’re done.” There’s nothing to be “done” with. Let it go. He’s making an idiot out of you.

Answer: Stop being easy; what are you making out with him for if he is in a relationship? You sound very naive. They say they’ll leave just to keep you around for play. Leave him alone now or learn the hard way later.

[April Masini, your AskApril]

[b]Answer[/b] gave you some great — and blunt advice!

The problem is that you’re ignoring who he is. 😯 He’s been very clear with you that he’s got another woman in the wings and he hasn’t hidden her from you. You, however, are trying to hide her from yourself! 😕 Dating is very important so that you can get to know someone, but if you refuse to see what is in front of you, you’re going to get hurt.

You can read Think & Date Like A Man, [url]https://www.askapril.com/relationship-dating-advice/think-and-date-like-a-man.html[/url], which will help you a lot, but if you choose someone who isn’t available for monogamy — and that’s what you’re hoping for — you’re naturally going to hurt yourself.

You have to start valuing yourself and what you want for yourself, and if someone doesn’t offer you what you’re looking for, understand that there’s an incompatibility between you that won’t make for a good relationship.

I hope that helps! See you @AskAprilcom on Twitter and on Facebook at this link: [url][/url].

[Member]

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