[Davehome44]

Me and my girlfriend have known eachother for 4 years and have been datingfor a year now..Were happy with eachother but the problem is her parents dontapprove of it..The problem is she is kurdish and im black so theproblem they have is that traditionally they would pick a guy for her of thesame race and background.. up until recently they didnt know about me and shetold them and went crazy and said no we cant be together but we stayed togetheranyway..Just last week her mom found out were still
together it was thesamething again… We want to be together but dont know what to do or what totell them.. Help needed

[Ask April Masini]

I actually wrote a column answering a similar question from another reader whose situation was much like yours. I’ve pasted it below:

It is true that acceptance of interracial coupling is increasing

[Ethan Morales]

Your relationship with your girlfriend is clearly meaningful and strong, but the challenge is her family’s disapproval due to cultural and racial expectations. This isn’t about you personally it’s about their traditions and fears. While you and your girlfriend have the right to be together, the reality is that pushing too hard without addressing their concerns can create ongoing tension.

From what April Masini often advises, the key is: communication, patience, and demonstrating respect. That means: Talk to them openly and calmly: Your girlfriend can explain why she values the relationship and how it doesn’t harm her culture or traditions. Keep the focus on your shared values, respect, and her happiness. Show respect for their concerns: It’s important to acknowledge their perspective without agreeing with discrimination or prejudice. This shows maturity and understanding, which can soften resistance.

Give them time: Families rarely change their minds overnight. Demonstrating your commitment, stability, and respect for her can gradually shift their perception. Protect your relationship: In the meantime, keep your bond strong. Don’t let their disapproval dictate your happiness, but be strategic about confrontation versus patience.

You and your girlfriend need to decide together how much weight you give to her parents’ approval versus living your life on your terms. It’s about balance honoring her family while asserting your right to love each other.

[Natalie Noah]

This is such a delicate situation, and I can feel how much you both care for each other it really shows in how you’ve stuck together despite the challenges. The heart of the issue here is that her parents’ objections are coming from a place of cultural tradition and fear, not necessarily a reflection of your worth or the love you share. It’s important to recognize that you can’t control their feelings, but you can control how you approach the conversation and how you show them the sincerity of your relationship. Patience, respect, and consistent demonstrations of love and commitment toward their daughter can help slowly shift their perspective over time.

At the same time, you and your girlfriend need to be aligned and strong as a team. You might consider calmly explaining to her parents that your love is genuine, that you support each other, and that your relationship isn’t meant to replace her cultural values but to enhance her happiness. Small gestures that show respect for their culture like learning about traditions, showing interest in family values, or including them in your plans can go a long way. Ultimately, though, her parents’ acceptance may take time, and you both have to decide how much you’re willing to endure while staying committed to each other. Your love is valid, and with patience and unity, there’s a path forward.

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