[rahulboy05]

Hi,

I and my girlfriend, we are in a serious relationship since last 4 yrs. After 3 yrs, she has shifted to another city for study purpose, but we meet after every few months. We have also decided to get married after she finishes her study. We both love each other and we do have sex when we meet.

Now she wants to have sex to fulfil her need and because of that she is not able to focus on her studies and work. We just had it last month and I can’t take off 7-8 days from work every month. Even if I go and meet her now, and we enjoy some quality time with each other then after few days she will feel need to have physical things. So she is asking me for a permission to have sex with other guys. She is open minded, she also tells me to have sex with any other girl with whom I want. She is absolutely ok with it, but I am not. She said “If you are OK with it, then only permit me. I am telling you my problem but it’s not a force on you, because I dont want to breakup with you.”

I confused now. Dont know what to do. I dont want to say NO to her. I have never ever said no to her for anything. She is a very nice and honest girl. I love her a lot. If I allowed her, then what will be the consequences of it. She may loose interest in me? 2. I may loose interest in her since she has slept with other guys, i dont know? 3. She may find sexually better guy than me? Today, she is missing me because of sex and tomorrow, she won’t? Will this affect our relationship? I dont know what to do.

[Ask April Masini]

You’re right. If she has sex with other men, your relationship with her will end — it may not end quickly, but it will end. And if you both start having sex with other people, it will also end.

If you write again, let me know how old you both are. Depending on your ages, and what you want from the relationship, this is the moment to decide if you want to move to be close to her, so you don’t have to have a long distance relationship any more, or if you want to go your separate ways. You can’t stay together and sleep with other people, as you already know. No matter how open minded one or both of you are, this never works out. So make the big decisions, and decide whether to move to the same city and take the relationship to the next level, or to break up and move on.

Let me know if that helps.

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[rahulboy05]

Thank you for quick reply.

I am 28 and she is 26. Also I forgot to mention that we belong to same city. She has moved temporarily to another city for her education only. After one year, she will be finishing her studies and come back to the city (same city in which I live and work) to her parents house. We are planning to get married then.

[Ask April Masini]

Got it. So, in spite of your plans, things are changing, and I think it would be wise for you to consider making some changes, yourself, as well. For instance, I know you were planning to get married in a year from now, but if sex is the only problem between you, and it’s driving you apart, why not move in together now, to save the relationship? 😉 On the other hand, you may want to reconsider marrying someone who wants to have sex with other men more than she wants to have sex with you once a month. 😕 Her wanting to have sex with other men isn’t a vote of confidence for a marriage with you.

What do you think?

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[Ethan Morales]

You and your girlfriend clearly have a strong emotional bond four years together, shared love, physical intimacy, and even plans for marriage. That’s not casual that’s serious commitment. But what’s happening now isn’t just about physical need; it’s about values, attachment, and compatibility under pressure.

When she says she wants permission to have sex with other men, it’s not necessarily about betraying you it’s about managing her frustration and desire in a long-distance setup. She’s being honest about her needs, and that’s commendable. But even honesty doesn’t make this idea emotionally safe for you or the relationship.

Sexual openness only works when both people genuinely want it and can emotionally handle it. From what you’ve said you’re not that kind of person. You’re loyal, traditional in your emotional structure, and want exclusivity. So for you, allowing this would be self-betrayal. You’d constantly imagine her with someone else, and that would slowly corrode the love you’ve built.

Her request shows that she’s struggling with self-control, loneliness, and unmet needs but it also shows that she’s willing to risk the emotional bond for temporary satisfaction. That’s not malice it’s immaturity in emotional regulation.

April Masini was absolutely right once physical exclusivity breaks, the relationship changes forever. Here’s why: Trust and emotional safety will erode. You’ll start imagining things and resenting her even if you tell yourself you’re “okay with it.” She might detach emotionally. When someone gets physical validation elsewhere, they sometimes transfer emotional intimacy too. You’ll start comparing yourself. You’ll wonder: “Is he better?” or “Does she think of me when she’s with him?” and that insecurity will eat away at your peace. Reconnection becomes harder. Once the sacred bond of exclusivity breaks, the relationship rarely feels the same even if both try to repair it. So yes giving her permission might keep the relationship technically alive, but emotionally, it will begin dying.

Communicate gently but clearly. Tell her that you understand her needs but that you can’t emotionally handle an open setup because your love is based on exclusivity. Suggest more frequent visits, video calls, or intimacy through connection not just sex. Help her feel emotionally full, not just physically. Ask her directly: “Do you still want a future with me if sex is hard to access right now?” her answer will show whether she’s thinking short-term or long-term..

You are not old-fashioned for wanting commitment and loyalty. You are being emotionally honest.
If she truly loves you, she’ll wait and find healthy ways to cope with her needs.
If she can’t, then she’s not ready for marriage because marriage often requires endurance during distance, stress, and sacrifice.

[PassionSeeker]

This is a tough situation, and I can feel how much you love her that’s clear in every word. But what she’s asking for isn’t just about physical need; it’s about boundaries and respect within a committed relationship. You two agreed on a future together, not an open relationship. When someone asks for permission to sleep with others, it changes the emotional foundation between you. Even if she says it’s only physical, the truth is that emotional distance and resentment often follow.

If she’s struggling with her needs, there are ways to handle that together more visits, communication, or creative intimacy but sleeping with others will almost certainly damage the trust you’ve built. You’re right to worry that it could cause one or both of you to lose interest.

Be honest with her about your feelings. Love isn’t proven by saying “yes” to everything sometimes it’s shown by setting clear boundaries that protect the relationship’s heart.

[James Smith]

Man, this one hit like a plot twist I didn’t see coming. I once had a girlfriend who said she wanted “a little freedom” — turns out her definition of freedom involved a guy named Marco from her yoga class. I swear, I almost signed up for yoga just to learn how she managed that level of flexibility in logic. 😂

Jokes aside, I can tell you care deeply about her, but what she’s asking for isn’t just “permission” — it’s a test of how much of yourself you’re willing to give up to keep her. And that’s a dangerous game, because love stops being love when it turns into fear of losing someone.

You’ve got to ask yourself something honest: are you holding on to her because of love or because you’re afraid that letting go means you lose the story you thought you’d have together?

[Marcus king]

Here’s the thing love can survive distance, but it can’t survive unclear boundaries. What she’s asking for isn’t just physical freedom; it’s emotional permission to step outside the relationship. And once that door opens, it doesn’t close easy.

Let’s be real you already feel uneasy, and that’s your gut talking. If you were truly okay with an open setup, you wouldn’t be asking these questions. You’d be at peace with it. But you’re not because your love for her is rooted in loyalty, not convenience.

If you say yes just to keep her happy, you’ll start resenting her. Every time she mentions another man, every time you picture it it’ll chip at your trust, and eventually your respect for her and yourself.

Sexual needs are real, but discipline and commitment are part of adult love. If she can’t handle temporary distance without seeking comfort elsewhere, that’s not openness that’s weakness.

My advice? Don’t agree to something that breaks your peace just to prove your love. Tell her the truth: “I love you, but I’m not built for sharing.” If she respects you, she’ll respect that boundary. If not then maybe she’s not ready for the kind of relationship you’re offering.

[Val Unfiltered💋]

oh babe 😬 she’s asking for a hall pass, and you’re the one paying the emotional rent. if you’re not built for sharing, don’t force yourself just to keep her. love isn’t a group project 💔
once you say yes, you can’t un-see it, can’t un-feel it, and yeah, things will change. 💅🔥

[Tara]

She’s asking for permission to betray you politely. That’s not “open-minded,” that’s emotional manipulation dressed up as honesty.
When someone says they love you but want to sleep with others, what they really mean is they want the stability of your commitment and the excitement of someone else’s body. You can’t have both. You either choose exclusivity or you don’t.

If you say yes, you will never see her the same way again. You’ll start wondering who she’s with, what they’re doing, and whether she’s comparing you. That poison doesn’t fade; it spreads. And she will lose respect for you, because agreeing to something that hurts you tells her you’ll tolerate anything just to keep her.

If you say no and she leaves, that tells you everything about her priorities. If sex is more important to her than loyalty, then she was never going to make it through marriage anyway.

[Sally]

Yeah, this would shake anyone up. What she’s asking for isn’t small, and it’s not something you can just agree to because you love her. You have to look at what you can actually live with, not what keeps her happy in the moment.

And honestly, it sounds like she’s trying to fix a long-distance problem with something that will break you inside. If the idea of her sleeping with someone else makes your stomach drop, that’s your answer. Love can bend, but it can’t twist into something that hurts your self-respect.

Tell her the truth. Tell her you love her, but you’re not built for that kind of arrangement. If she needs something you can’t give, then you both have to face what that really means.

Don’t agree just to keep her. You’ll lose yourself in the process.

[Natalie Noah]

What your girlfriend is asking for isn’t a “small permission,” it’s a fundamental shift in the type of relationship you’re in. She might be open-minded, but you’re not built that way, and that matters just as much as her needs. When someone asks to bring other people into a committed relationship especially one headed toward marriage it’s usually a sign that the emotional connection is still there, but the physical commitment isn’t enough for them. If you agree to something that violates your values just to avoid disappointing her, you won’t feel closer to her you’ll feel replaced, insecure, and slowly disconnected from the relationship you’re trying to protect.

Your fears are valid. Yes, she could lose emotional investment in you over time. Yes, you could lose respect and attraction for her once the boundary is crossed. Yes, she could compare you sexually to someone else and shift the dynamic permanently. Once that door opens, it never fully closes again. Trust changes, closeness changes, the way you see each other changes. And even though she’s saying “only if you agree,” the need she’s expressing is a need she’s willing to prioritize over the stability of your partnership. That’s not something to ignore that’s something to examine deeply.

You deserve a relationship where the solution to distance isn’t “sleep with someone else,” but “how do we adjust our lives so we can stay connected?” Right now she’s thinking in terms of physical need; you’re thinking in terms of long-term loyalty and family. Those are different relationship goals. Before thinking about marriage, you both need to be very honest about compatibility. If sex frequency is truly her breaking point, then one solution is exactly what April said you either shorten the distance (move closer, visit more often, plan to live together sooner) or you accept that your values around commitment don’t match. You shouldn’t twist yourself to fit her request; love shouldn’t require self-betrayal. What you choose next should protect your heart, your dignity, and the kind of marriage you actually want.

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