[elaine30]

what should I say to him ?

[elaine30]

sorry I forgot to mention that now he supposedly is not going to DR anymore. and also not to sound stupid but why does he keep telling me he lo rd me,misses me and wants to be with me if he’s not that into me.

[April Masini, your AskApril]

[quote]…and also not to sound stupid but why does he keep telling me he lo rd me,misses me and wants to be with me if he’s not that into me.[/quote]

Because when he says it he feels that way, (and when he doesn’t say it, he doesn’t feel that way) but feelings aren’t enough to make a mature relationship work in the long run. Feelings and matching behavior are. 😉 Always look to a man’s behavior to see how he really feels about you.

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[elaine30]

do u think this is something that can be worked out between us.

[April Masini, your AskApril]

I think that the best you can hope for is that he’ll be a good father and co-parent, and that you’ll have the good sense to move on. You should focus on [i]you[/i] and what you can do. That’s what he’s doing in his life — focusing on [i]himself[/i] and what he can do for himself. You’re not his priority. His relationship with you is not his priority. If you don’t move on, eventually things will get bad enough for you, so that you will.

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[elaine30]

I told him i cant be with him because of this and he said that he was sorry and wanted to start fresh. What should I tell him at this point. I told him lets just focus on the baby and be friends but, he insist that he wants to be with me. What should I say to him?

[April Masini, your AskApril]

You already said what you needed to say. There’s nothing else to tell him at this time. Now, don’t just talk the talk — walk the walk. 😉

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[Ethan Morales]

This man has shown you exactly who he is through his actions. He’s not prioritising you or the baby, even when it’s the moment in life where he should be stepping up the most. When someone’s first instinct, two months before their child is born, is to book a trip abroad instead of making plans to bond with you and prepare for parenthood, that’s a choice that speaks volumes. He’s showing you that his needs, his fun, his convenience, come first.
What April said about “accepting reality” is dead-on. You can’t change a man by loving him harder. You can’t “teach” him responsibility through arguments or emotional pleas. The man he’s showing you now is the man he is. He might be kind sometimes, attend appointments, or do thoughtful things, but that doesn’t cancel out his selfish choices. You have to look at the pattern and the pattern says he’s inconsistent, emotionally unavailable, and unreliable.
The fact that he’s hiding things the emails, the dating profiles, the trip with a “friend” who doesn’t even know you exist isn’t just a betrayal of trust, it’s disrespect. It shows a double life, or at least a lack of transparency. And when someone gets angry about being caught instead of ashamed for what they did, that’s a sign they’re more invested in control than connection.
What really stands out to me is your strength even when you feel hurt, you’re asking the right questions. You’re wondering how to handle it with dignity, not revenge. That’s the right instinct. You’re not crazy, you’re not insecure you’re reacting to real signals of dishonesty and detachment. And you deserve a partner who doesn’t make you feel like you’re competing with his impulses.
You need to protect your peace and your baby’s stability now. Ending the romantic part of the relationship like April said isn’t failure, it’s strategy. You’re shifting from trying to fix a broken romance to building a healthy co-parenting dynamic. That’s the mature, emotionally grounded choice. Focus on what you can control: your healing, your environment, and the kind of example you want to set for your child.
Don’t let guilt or nostalgia pull you back in. He begged you to have his child, sure, but you are the one stepping up to nurture and build that life. That gives you the power now. He may or may not grow up later, but you can’t base your future on the “maybe.” You can only move forward with clarity, not fantasy.

[Tara]

Your boyfriend is acting like a single man, and you’re acting like you have no power. He’s about to have a newborn in his house, and instead of stepping up as a father and partner, he’s planning a boys’ vacation two months after the birth and telling you, “No, you’re not coming.” That’s not love. That’s not partnership. That’s a man prioritising his fun over his family, and he’s not even trying to hide it.

You asked him to cancel because you’re worried about the baby and worried about cheating — both valid concerns and he basically told you your feelings don’t matter. He’d rather disappoint the friend he goes partying with than support the woman carrying his child. That alone tells you exactly where you rank in his life.

And let’s be brutally clear:
A man who wants to be a father doesn’t book an international vacation when his baby is still basically a newborn. A man who respects his partner doesn’t dismiss her concerns like they’re inconveniences. You’re not “confused.” You’re scared to admit you’re having a baby with someone who isn’t showing up as a partner, not now, and not in the future.
Stop begging him to cancel. He already made his choice. Now you need to make yours.

[Sally]

You’re about to have his baby, your whole life is changing, and he’s out here planning a vacation without even thinking about what you’ll be dealing with two months after giving birth. That’s not small that hits you right in the place where you want to feel supported.

And honestly? Him saying you can’t go, then refusing to cancel… that’s not a man who’s thinking like a partner or a soon-to-be dad. That’s someone acting single while you’re about to be home healing, barely sleeping, trying to hold everything together.

This isn’t really about the trip. It’s about the fact that you told him you were scared and he brushed it off. That’s what hurts.

Maybe just tell him calmly, “I’m not trying to control you. I just need to know you’re in this with me.” His reaction to that will tell you everything.
You deserve someone who shows up for you now, not just when it’s convenient.

[Natalie Noah]

She’s in a vulnerable, emotionally charged moment: seven months pregnant, preparing for a baby, and navigating trust issues with her partner. At first, the situation seemed more about jealousy and insecurity regarding her boyfriend’s trip to the Dominican Republic, and her fear that he might cheat. That’s understandable pregnancy heightens emotions, and being left alone with a newborn is daunting. But over time, it became clear that her concerns weren’t just fears; there were real signs that he wasn’t fully committed or acting responsibly, like refusing to cancel the trip despite knowing she was pregnant and emotionally invested.

The situation escalates further when she discovers his emails, dating profiles, and messages to other women. This is a major red flag. It’s one thing to have fears based on perception or jealousy, but it’s another to see concrete evidence that he’s emotionally and potentially romantically investing elsewhere. It’s understandable that Elaine feels betrayed.. these actions clearly break the trust necessary for a committed, monogamous relationship, especially at such a critical life stage. Her confusion and emotional turmoil are completely natural responses to realizing the reality doesn’t match her hopes or expectations.

What’s striking is how she initially defended him despite red flags, pointing to his presence at doctor appointments and planning a baby shower. That shows her desire to see the good in him and to maintain the relationship, but sometimes love can blind us to patterns of behavior that are incompatible with our needs. His actions hiding interactions with other women, ignoring her requests, prioritizing trips with friends over her and their child paint a consistent picture of someone who is not ready to fully commit to her or the family they’re creating. It’s painful, but it’s a reality she needs to acknowledge.

April Masini’s advice is very pragmatic: focus on the baby and on protecting her own emotional well-being, rather than clinging to a relationship that isn’t meeting her needs. Elaine’s instinct to ask if she should end the romantic relationship is appropriate; maintaining romantic energy toward someone who isn’t fully invested only prolongs pain and instability. Prioritizing co-parenting and the child’s well-being is both mature and necessary. She can still hope for him to be a responsible father while keeping herself safe from further emotional harm.

Ultimately, this is about boundaries, self-respect, and clarity. Elaine deserves a partner who is fully committed, trustworthy, and aligned with her vision of family and love. The hardest part is letting go of the hope for what could have been, but accepting reality allows her to channel energy into what really matters: her health, the baby, and creating a stable, loving environment. By stepping back from the romantic connection while maintaining co-parenting responsibilities, she can protect herself and her child while navigating this major life transition.

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