[Anonymous]

I’m a 21 year old male just to let everyone know

So I started talking to this guy, who is 20, about a week ago and we went out on our first date a few days back and had a great time. We really clicked and expressed to each other that we really liked each other. I stayed with him that night since he does live about an hour to an hour and 30 minutes away from me. We didn’t have sex or anything but we did cuddle and kiss. On the second date, which was 3 days ago, he wanted to introduce me to all his friends so we hung out with them for a while then we went back to his house and watched some movies while laying in bed. Once again, we didn’t have sex but we did have more aggressive kissing and we were touching each other below the waist, but nothing close to sex and neither one of us tried to push farther than that. I stayed with him that night again and we fell asleep in each others arms.

The next morning when we got up he wanted me to go run some errands with him, then we hung out at his friend’s house, and then I had to leave to go to work. He gave me a huge and kiss and held on to me for what seemed like forever, gave me a big smile and told me to drive safe. Once I got home I sent him a text telling him I had a great time and we should go out again soon. About an hour later he replied to my text saying he had a good time too but that he didn’t think he was ready for a relationship. I asked him if I had done anything to rub him the wrong way or anything and he said it wasn’t me, he just didn’t think he was ready. I asked if he still wanted to hang out and he said he liked me and I was really cool but he didn’t think hanging out was a good idea.I sent him a text the next day telling him I really liked him and that if he didn’t like me I understand and respect whatever his decision is. I said it wasn’t me, he just wasn’t ready to talk to someone like that. It really struck me as strange because I thought we really hit it off and even his friend told me that he really liked me.
So I guess my question is what should I do? I really like this guy a lot and according to him and his friends he really likes me. I know he got out of a relationship about 3 months ago so it very well may be he isn’t ready, or maybe we were moving too fast. He told me he didn’t want to move too fast and I told him if at any point he was uncomfortable or felt nervous just to let me know, but he always said he was fine and enjoyed everything. I really want to pursue something with him because I felt a great connection with him. So what should I do? And should I take what he told me for face value? If he wasn’t ready then why did he want to spend time with me, show me affection, and tell me that he liked me?

[April Masini, your AskApril]

Sometimes it’s more confusing when a guy is really nice to you — but doesn’t want more — than if he’s mean or ill mannered and doesn’t want more. Since he told you he’s not ready for a relationship, and you know he’s only three months out of his last relationship, I think you have to believe him and not pursue him even though you want to because you like him so much and have had such a nice time with him.

He may have decided after three dates that you weren’t his cup of tea and rather than tell you he’s not that into you, he’s saying something gentler (albeit more confusing to you). What he may mean to say is, “I had three nice dates, but in getting to know you I realized I don’t want anything more with you because I’m not that interested in you and want to pursue other women.”

Or, he may really mean that he had a great time with you, but really does want to play the field since he’s relatively newly single — and that doesn’t have to do with you as much as it does with him and where he is in this given moment of his life. There was an old Sex and The City episode where the girls talked about finding a guy who’s ready for a relationship being like finding an available taxi cab. If the yellow light isn’t on on the cab, it just won’t stop for you — and in a way, men who are ready for a relationship, and have “their yellow lights on”, are who you want to try and find.

So my advice is that you move on and if he comes back to you for another date, you’ll know it’s a real date and that he’s come around and is interested in YOU and if he doesn’t, he was a guy who was great, but just not ready for a relationship when you were.

I hope that helps. Check out Think & Date LIke A Man, a book I wrote for women who want to find, get and keep Mr. Right. You can buy it on Amazon or Barnes & Noble websites or right here: [url]https://www.askapril.com/relationship-dating-advice/think-and-date-like-a-man.html[/url]. You’ll get a lot more of this kind of advice, plus tips and tricks for making a relationship successful.

You can also follow me @AskAprilcom on Twitter and on Facebook at this link: [url][/url]. 😀

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