[renzo343]

Having trouble trusting my girlfriend after being cheated on in the past

I’ve been together for my girlfriend now for almost 2 months, shes an amazing girl and i love her. Im having trouble trusting her whenever she goes out or goes to school or whenever im not with her. I know she wont do anything to hurt me or do anything like that but its just hard to trust someone again after my previous relationship which lasted 2 years and it ended up beacuse my ex cheated on me. She understands what had happened in my previous relationship and she tells me not to worry because she tells me she wont do anything to hurt her. I often try talking about it but shes not ready to talk about feelings that well and shes not really good at talking about her feelings. I know that she loves me and would never do anything to hurt me. Often times when i worry she gets upset or frustrated because she doesnt feel like i trust her and trust is really important for her in relationships. I know she wouldnt do anything but its just extremely hard to convince myself because i dont want anything like last time to happen, especially with this girl. She often tells me she loves me and cares about me but shes not really the affectionate type, like i mentioned earlier she often also get frustrated when i question her or ask for reassurance beacause she feels like i dont listen

[Ask April Masini]

You’re putting too much pressure on yourself, this girl and the relationship. You’ve only been dating for two months — it’s way too soon for you to be having this type of anxiety about her cheating on you. In fact, when you try to make a new relationship monogamous and exclusive, too soon, you don’t really get to know the person, yourself, or the relationship. Relax. Let life play out. She may or may not cheat. She may or may not continue to want to date you. And you may or may not want to date her after a few more months. Dating is a process where you get to know someone and decide if you want to continue dating them. When you make a new relationship exclusive too fast, you lose that organic opportunity to get to know each other.

And if that sounds too difficult for you to do……Consider that you may not be ready to date yet. You said in your pre-posting questionnaire that you’re 17 years old, so if your 2 year relationship with the woman who cheated on you, happened recently, this may be a rebound dating situation you’re in now. And that means you’re going to play out your anxiety about the last break up, because you haven’t had enough time to process them naturally. So if you can’t relax into this relationship, then consider taking a break from dating until you feel better about yourself and can date without fear of betrayal, as baggage from your last break up. 😉

[Sally]

Your fear makes sense, but it’s starting to land on the wrong person. She didn’t hurt you, but she’s paying for what someone else did. And from her side, it probably feels like no matter what she says, it’s never enough.

She’s showing love in the ways she knows how, just not with constant reassurance. When you keep asking, she hears you don’t trust me, not you’re scared. That’s why she shuts down.

This isn’t about her proving anything. It’s about you slowly teaching your body that this is a different relationship.

Try saying it once, clearly: this is my old wound, not something you’re doing. Then work on calming yourself instead of checking her.
Trust grows when you stop testing it.

[Tara]

You’re not “struggling to trust her,” you’re dragging unresolved damage from your last relationship into a new one and expecting her to carry it for you. That’s the reality. Your girlfriend hasn’t betrayed you, hasn’t crossed lines, hasn’t given you evidence of disloyalty, yet you interrogate, seek reassurance, and mentally police her movements. That isn’t love or caution. It’s fear trying to control the future so you don’t feel pain again.

Your insecurity is already costing you this relationship. Every time you question her, ask for reassurance, or spiral when she’s living her normal life, you’re communicating one thing that she’s guilty until proven innocent. She values trust, she’s not emotionally expressive, and she’s told you directly that your questioning frustrates her. Translation: you’re pushing against her core boundary, and she’s tolerating it for now, not forever.

Your past trauma is not her responsibility to fix, explain away, or soothe on demand. She didn’t cheat on you. Your ex did. If you keep treating this girl like a potential criminal because someone else hurt you, she will eventually stop trying to reassure you and start emotionally checking out. Not because she doesn’t love you, but because no one stays where they’re constantly doubted.

You have two options, and there’s no third. Either you take full ownership of your trust issues, shut down the interrogations, stop asking for reassurance she’s clearly told you exhausts her, and do the internal work to regulate your fear, or you accept that you are not ready for a relationship and let her go before you poison it completely. Love without trust is just anxiety with a name tag.

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