[Mommy20h]

I met a man online and we hit it off. He pursued me, gave me his phone number, asked for mine, and started texting me. We met for coffee the next evening. We had a great time, we even spoke on the phone after our coffee date. The next day he texted first thing, but gradually over the next few days his texts became less frequent. This morning, he texted first thing with “Good Morning Princess” He said he’d been thinking of me non-stop. He also said he was going to deactivate his online profile from the dating site where we met. I didn’t say much in response, just good morning and small talk. Then he cancelled saying he had to meet his ex wife to discuss his son’s school situation for next year. I’m divorced too, and I wouldn’t need to meet my ex in person to discuss this. I also wouldn’t need to meet him today, I could have met my ex to discuss that on another day. He said he would be getting off work late, then he would have to go to her home and meet with her, and by the time he got done it would be too late to meet me. I felt instantly that it was all made up. I mean, he’s had plans with me for nearly a week, and all the sudden this comes up? My question is: I didn’t respond to his cancelled date message. Was this the right thing to do? And, am I assuming too much? Should I respond? Should i plan on keeping the date next weekend, that he asked me out on earlier this week?

Help! I can’t get played anymore – it hurts too much!

[April Masini, your AskApril]

Dating is not for the faint of heart! 😉 If you’re feeling hurt over this little rejection, maybe I can help you get a perspective. You’re divorced, and I’m not sure how long you’ve been newly single, but dating is extremely competitive, thanks to the online dating pool, which is huge. When you meet someone online, assume he’s meeting lots of other women — and he should assume the same of you with men. If you have one nice date, and he makes another and then cancels, take note — but don’t fret or freak out. You’ve only invested a single date in this guy — and you’ve learned something about him. He’s still invested in co-parenting with his ex (which can be a good thing even if it’s different from the way you and your ex co-parent), and if he’s telling the truth about why he’s cancelling his relationship with the ex is important to him. Again, this isn’t necessarily bad — but it’s different for you. Bottom line, this is good information, early in a relationship. The truth is that he may also have gotten a better date, and lied to you, and that’s why he cancelled. You just don’t know. But remember: the point is, this is very early in the relationship, and if your instincts tell you not to believe him, then trust them, move on and be happy that you only invested one date! Dating is a process. Let it happen. 😉

[Sally]

When something feels off, it usually is, even if you can’t prove it yet.
Not replying wasn’t wrong. You were protecting yourself in the moment. Silence isn’t rude when you’re confused or hurt. That said, you might be filling in blanks because his effort already started fading. The cancel itself matters less than the pattern around it.

Could his reason be real? Sure. But if someone is genuinely excited, they usually follow a cancel with reassurance, a new plan, or checking in. Not just dropping it and disappearing.

If you respond, keep it simple. No accusations. Just see how he shows up next. And don’t emotionally invest until his actions match his words.
You’re not overreacting. You’re just tired of being disappointed.

[Tara]

This man is inconsistent, performative, and already managing multiple narratives, and you felt it immediately because your instincts aren’t stupid. The “Good Morning Princess,” the sudden intensity, the dramatic claim that he’s been thinking about you non-stop, and the announcement about deactivating his dating profile are not signs of sincerity; they’re cheap intimacy shortcuts. Men who are grounded don’t escalate emotionally while de-escalating behaviorally. They don’t talk big and then vanish behind convenient chaos. That’s manipulation, not momentum.

Now let’s deal with the cancellation. Yes, it smells off not because meeting an ex-wife is impossible, but because the timing is perfect and the effort is zero. A man who genuinely values you doesn’t cancel a long-standing plan without immediately offering a concrete alternative. He didn’t say, “I’m sorry, this is unavoidable. Can we reschedule for tomorrow at this time?” He gave you a story and left you holding the disappointment. That’s not adult dating, that’s someone keeping you warm while he sorts out his priorities, which may very well include his ex, another woman, or simply his own need for attention.

Not responding was the correct move. Silence was the only moment in this entire situation where you maintained dignity instead of chasing clarity from someone who hasn’t earned it. Do not explain yourself. Do not soften it. Do not “check in.” If he’s serious, he’ll follow up with accountability and a specific plan. If he doesn’t, then congratulations,s you just dodged a man who confuses charm with character.

As for next weekend? Absolutely do not plan around him. Do not hold space. Do not wait. If he wants to see you, he will explicitly re-invite you with effort and certainty. Until then, assume nothing and expect nothing.

[Member]

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