[Kalyov]

My boyfriend and I will be at our two year mark on Halloween, or we would have been…
Last Sunday he told me “I don’t know if I love you anymore.” I asked him to think about this because it was so sudden! I even knew he had a ring for me, he was going to purpose in November – he has my great aunts’ ring.

We had a big fight two weeks ago and it got out of hand – it was about him not spending time with me. We had been at school again for a month and we had only had 1hr of alone time together, I was mad.
Well it parted horribly; he went to his room and wouldn’t come out for 4 hours, just thinking. Finally after that we went back to normal like nothing happened, even had some us time later that week.

Then last Saturday night all of his suitemates had their gf’s over for the night and he had me go back to my room instead of stay, I was upset and so the next day I said we needed to talk. He said he didn’t want to talk and that he had too much homework, I was mad again because I wanted to fix things. I went to his dorm and said “it’s like you don’t care.” He said “I don’t think I do…” Then we went outside and talked, and he said “I don’t think I love you anymore.”

Well I love him a lot, and still even get butterflies in my stomach every time I see him and a grin on my face. I can’t give up on him that easily!

Well it has been a rough week and I wanted to try and talk on Friday and he said “No, Sunday” which I translated into “Never.” I got upset and took all the things he’s given me to his room and left it on his doorstep. I knocked, he wasn’t in there but my friend and her bf (one of hi’s 4 roommates) was there so I talked to her for a bit and cried. I heard him in the hallway saying “whys all my things here?” He walked in with the box, saw me and turned around. His roommate (we’ll call him ‘M’) M came in and I went to his room said “This is all your fault, we never had a relationship because we never got to be alone, because you are always around! Everywhere he goes, you go! It’s all your fault!” And I left.
My bf ran off and went somewhere for two hours (he tells me he called his Grandma) and then M went to the bar and drank to make himself feel better.
I went to my room and cried on my floor for 2hrs before my friend found me, I could barely even get up to answer the door, I had to crawl towards it.
We talked for a bit then I went to my other friend’s house and spent hours talking to her and her fiancé.

Then on Saturday his roommate (M) came to me and said “you know…he really did want to talk.”

So I went up to him and asked if we could talk tomorrow and he said yes. I told him “From the moment we meant, and you said “Hi, I’m (name).” I knew you were the one, I went back to my room and said “I want to marry that man, someday.” and I told him “I love you more than my own family, please think about these two things.”
Well…we walked to the park today and sat there by the pond, and talked for 5 hours (it didn’t seem that long.) I had compiled a list of things I thought we could work on, and we talked about each of them. It seemed like everything was going great! But then he said it again, “I don’t think we could go anywhere if I don’t feel the same.”
He says “I love you, I care for you, but I don’t know if I am in love with you.”
He wants us to just be friends, he wants us to try friends for awhile (an unstated amount) and maybe possibly if he feels like it, try dating again. My heart is being ripped to shreds, I love him so much. We went from planning a wedding to his.
He keeps trying to talk to me and have me sit with him at lunch and supper, but still does not want to be in a relationship at this time. He gave me back the ring he was planning on purposing with next month, saying “do you want the ring back, for now?”
Last night he asked me to come to lunch with him today, like we normally do. Well I asked “do you want me at lunch?” He said “It’s up to you.” I said “No it’s really up to you, I know what I want.” He said “Yes, I’ll see you there then.” Then he goes “I am not sure how we are supposed to act, since we’re not together right now.”
Well I went to lunch but didn’t go to dinner; I sat in my room and cried instead. I asked him to come over to talk hoping just hoping I can suede his ideas. Of course that did not help he just kept saying “Sorry, I don’t want to be in a relationship right now, and I don’t think I love you.”
I don’t know what to do; I’m a walking mess – in tears all day. All I want him to do is love me again. How can I fix this?

[Kalyov]

I wonder if he’s afraid of commitment
He said he looked into his future and didn’t see us together, but he also said he didn’t know what he saw in his future – he was unsure.

[Ask April Masini]

You can’t fix it. 😳 Sometimes relationships don’t work out, and if after two years, he’s very clear that he doesn’t love you any more, he wants out. I know you don’t want to accept rejection (who does?) but it’s really in your best interest to cut your losses and move on.

I hope this helps. Let me know how things go for you.

Please follow me @AskAprilcom on Twitter and on Facebook at this link: [url][/url].

[Kalyov]

He wants us to just be friends, he wants us to try friends for awhile (an unstated amount) and maybe possibly if he feels like it, try dating again. Is this a bad idea?

We never really got the chance to have a relationship – his roommate is extremely depressed and he is always running after him, trying to help him. His roommate will try and cut himself so he has to stop him, his roommate gets mad and runs off – he goes after. His life is nearly absorbed within his roommates depression. Every time we’ve tried to have us time his roommate keeps sending him nasty texts, which causes him to leave because he has to go “fix the problem.” So we really have not actually been able to spend any time together without stress since April 2010.
This really stressed me out, so I was always in a bad mood towards him and his roommate – I kept trying to get him to get his roommate help, and he wouldn’t.

I just kept telling myself “once his roommate gets married to his fiance, everything will get better.”(he is getting married next December) But…we didn’t get to get that far.

[Ask April Masini]

First of all, it is NOT a good idea to implement your boyfriend’s plan of ending your two year relationship, being friends for an unstated amount of time, and then maybe try dating again. 😕 If after two years, he wants to be friends, YOU need to take the hint and move on. I NEVER recommend the friend zone for men and women because someone always wants more (in this case it’s you), and the hurt is just prolonged (he may start dating someone else); as is the confusion (you wondering if he’ll ever want you in the same way he once did, again). So, no friendship. It’s got to be all or nothing after dating for two years.

Second of all, you’re making an excuse for his lack of interest in you by using the troubled roommate — and you may be buying his using the troubled roommate as an excuse, too. 😐 If your boyfriend has chosen his roommate (who has a fiance, so he’s clearly not alone) over you, that’s a big sign that this isn’t a relationship where you’re being put first. But he’s given you lots of those signs, and I don’t think you want to read them clearly.

I’m so sorry — but it’s over. The amount of time you linger in this limbo is up to you. My advice is move on. 😉

Please follow me @AskAprilcom on Twitter and on Facebook at this link: [url][/url]. 😀

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