[seahorse21]

Hi i barely registered today. I have been married for six years now and barely last semester at my school i met a guy on a guitar class but to me he seem very familiar or like i knew him from somewhere. Well this year i decided to tell him what i felt, and he said that he felt the same way too since last semester. This year i dont know what happened, we became really good friends, we would txt each day, i mean we got along really well and he was very understanding about my situation that i was married. We confessed to each other that we liked each other.

Next thing i know he kisses me and caught me completely by surprise, my heart started beating really fast. When he stopped i kissed him back. After that i knew that i liked him a lot and so did he. After that day we felt that we were more than friends, it was something awesome and i had never experienced. We even made out in my car, and got to the point of almost having sex but didnt. After almost a month he told me that he knew we couldnt do that anymore because i have a family so we stopped seeing each other and just stayed as friends. I still like him a lot and cant stop thinking about him. I have distanced myself from my husband since i first kissed that guy. I did realize that i didnt love my husband since last year but now im completely sure i dont. He doesnt know about this but he loves me very much and i know it will devastate him, i learned and i know im not gonna do it again but i m trying so hard to like my husband again and i just cant, we rarely have sex now a days, i just dont see him that way no more. I dont know what to do. Thank you.

[April Masini, your AskApril]

It sounds like you want to rekindle the romance in your marriage. 😀 It’s very normal for your feelings to ebb and flow and it sounds like you and your husband have grown apart. My advice is to start remembering who YOU were when you first met our husband and try and enhance that part of you that’s faded away over six years of marriage. Marriage takes upkeep and it’s easy to forget to be romantic and sexy with your husband. Try a couple of books I wrote for couples who want to do exactly what you are trying to do. First, check out Ideas For A Fun Date, [url]https://www.askapril.com/relationship-dating-advice/ideas-for-a-fun-date.html[/url], so you can begin to date your husband again! And don’t forget Romantic Date Ideas [url]https://www.askapril.com/relationship-dating-advice/ideas-for-a-fun-date.html[/url], which will help you put the X back in your sex life.

Read the books and try the date ideas in them, and let me know how it goes.

Also, don’t forget to follow me @AskAprilcom on Twitter and on Facebook at this link: [url][/url]. 😀

[seahorse21]

Hello and thank you, I have been trying really hard but even after we have sex I just want to cry and not feel so bad. Yeah we have grown apart a lot he did notIced since last semester but this year things really changed a lot. We have a daughter too of three years of age. Sometimes I just want to divorce him I had thought about that since summer school because I had a panic attack but because he is so insecure and jealous. I stopped talking to all of my friends and nowadays I rarely see my family because he doesn’t want to go visit no more. Thank you

[April Masini, your AskApril]

How old are you and your husband, and is he in school, too? Do you also have a job? I’m trying to figure out how much stress you have in your life that may be weighing on you and your marriage. 🙁

[seahorse21]

Hi well im 24 and he is 25 we got together since 2004, but since i transferred to the other university he has become jealous or insecure. He doesnt go to school he finished his career already and now im trying to finish mine. though sometimes i feel like quitting but i look at my daughter and i know that she needs me, so thats the only reason that gives me hopes to continue.

[April Masini, your AskApril]

You have a lot on your plate and you’re probably more tired and torn in different directions than you realize. I think you have to put the blame on the stress in this case. It’s a lot easier to grow apart when you’re trying to do everything and you don’t have time for your relationship the way you once did.

Your feelings for this other guy don’t mean anything except that you’re looking for relief from all your stress and he [i]represents[/i] that relief. He’s a stranger with no strings attached.

My advice is to turn back to your marriage and family and find a way to alleviate some of your stress. This may mean not graduating this year, but instead drawing out your education or postponing your graduation to give yourself a break. It may mean getting help from a paid caregiver or a family member to take on more of the childcare you’ve been giving your daughter. But first and foremost it means finding a way to give yourself some relief and your relationship some attention. Growing apart takes two to do so. Make it your business to grow towards your husband. It’s going to require some hard work because you’re more committed to your schedule right now than you are to your relationship and your husband. Put him and the relationship first, and your education and career second. Understand you can’t do it all in the timeframe you maybe thought you could, but that it’s okay to make an adjustment and slow things down.

I hope that helps. Let me know how things go, and please follow me @AskAprilcom on Twitter and on Facebook at this link: [url][/url]. 😀

[seahorse21]

This semester i didnt go to college, i postponed it, but i feel more miserable than ever. During the day i decide to instead of being home i stay at my mom’s house, untill like 1pm or 2pm but for some reason he does not like that and gets mad at me. I stopped going to my mom’s house for about a week but i feel so depressed here at home. I started drawing and writing poems but the he gets mad because to him that’s all i do. I don’t know what to do, i feel like i’m suffocating in this relationship and now i am thinking that we should take some time apart. I feel better when he is not home than when he is. I have been trying to improve but the sexual desire is still lacking and can’t keep going like this. I feel so down and i have tried to smile and keep my head up but inside i’m so sad. I don’t know what else to do. I feel like my 4 year old daughter feels all of this because she has become really attached to me and doesn’t let go of my very easily and she won’t stay with nobody unless i’m there, she is now going to school and has adapted to the schedule but once i pick her up she just wants to be with me all the time.

[April Masini, your AskApril]

Your daughter is definitely picking up your depression and it’s affecting her negatively. 😳 I hope that for her sake, you’ll take some steps towards getting better. Here are three:

1. Did you buy and read the books I suggested six months ago? If you didn’t, you really should. They’ll help you a lot.

2. You should also go to the physician and get a full physical to make sure you’re healthy and not harboring some illness that’s making you depressed.

3. Are you exercising physically? Endorphins are natural anti-depressants, so exercising daily is going to help you feel better.

4. You need support from other women your own age. Take your daughter to the park and make friends there. Try and make friends with the other mothers at your daughters’ school. Go to the gym or take an exercise class and try to make friends at that venue.

In other words, take some steps towards fighting this depression. 😀

Please follow me @AskAprilcom on Twitter and on Facebook at this link: [url][/url]. 😀

[seahorse21]

Thank you for answering, well i do know friends that have kids and some of the moms at my daughter’s school i know from high school. The only problem is that he doesn’t believe in friends because his dad cheated on his mom a really long time ago, so his mom made it sure that he believed that. Yet he does have friends from high school, college, and at work while i on the other hand, don’t really talk to anybody because if they call or text, he is always asking why are they texting me, why are they calling, what do they want…i mean i remember when i became pregnant the first time, my friends came to see me at his house, and he went out and told them that they were not going to see me, then he came for me and made me tell them that i wasn’t going to their christmas party because now i was married and because he said so, this happened in 2004. Ever since i just decided not to talk to anybody, so i just keep everything to myself, and either i write poems, play my guitar or draw to get off some frustration or sadness off.
I do think i should have left him when i had the time, in college i did made more friends but i try not to give nobody my number because i dont want him to be nagging me the same stuff all the time, but i do see it unfair since he has friends and they call him, and to me it doesn’t bother me at all because i understand.

[April Masini, your AskApril]

I hate to be a downer, but I’ve given you a lot of advice and it doesn’t sound like you really want help. 😳 It sounds like you’re making excuses for yourself and wanting to stay a victim. 🙁 It’s very sad because this isn’t good for anyone, especially your child.

We all find ourselves in tough situations, but unless you get out of them (and that’s what defines your character), you’re just a part of the problem. Decide today that you want to make a change and do any of the things I suggested in the advice above. Even just one or two will make a difference. But if you don’t really want the help, this is probably the wrong forum for you. 😥

[seahorse21]

Well i did go to my doctor, but everything is fine, he just asked if there was anything that was causing me stress or if i was depress, but i said no. I am thinking of going to see a psychologist since they offer that to students, hopefully i can get better. I tried going to the gym once and he got really mad, so i told him to come with me but won’t come, so i decided to do yoga. Hopefully that will help too.

[April Masini, your AskApril]

[quote]Well i did go to my doctor, but everything is fine, he just asked if there was anything that was causing me stress or if i was depress, but i said no…[/quote]

😯 😯 😯 😯

You said [i]no??[/i]

Look….you have to start being honest if you want to solve your problems. If you can’t see from what you’ve written here, what everyone else can see, which is that you have tremendous stress and cause for depression…. then you need to start solving your problems by being honest with yourself.

Go back to your doctor. And this time, tell him the truth!

And take the other other three specific pieces of advice I gave you — but only if you want to make things better. If you don’t, which I’m beginning to wonder about, then just keep doing what you’re doing, and make excuses for your own behavior by blaming other people, like your husband. 😕

Lots of people complain about their problems, but the ones who do the best on this forum are the ones who really want to change things and are ready to roll up their sleeves and do the work that life’s success requires. 😀

And on that note, if your husband gets mad that you go to the gym, then let him be mad — and you can keep being a good wife by taking care of yourself and by taking care of him. 😉 If you cower every time someone gets mad, you’re going to be the most manipulated person in the country and a leading candidate for victim of the year. Just because either one of you has a feeling it doesn’t mean it’s supposed to change your behavior. Feelings and behavior are two different things. And you can’t please everybody all of the time.

Please follow me @AskAprilcom on Twitter and on Facebook at this link: [url][/url]. 😀

[seahorse21]

Thank you, i will start making a change then because if not i am going to get more manipulated, as it is…thank you for you advise and time to answer back.

[April Masini, your AskApril]

You’re welcome. 😀

Please follow me @AskAprilcom on Twitter and on Facebook at this link: [url][/url].

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