[songbird22]

I met this guy about 7 months ago through a mutual friend. We went to the same university though I didn’t know him at the time (He’s actually 4 yrs older than me). I wasn’t instantly attracted to him and I found him reserved, but he was nice. Over the next few months he told my friend how he thought I was a nice person. He invited me to dinner to his place, along with our other mutual friends and we hit it off just great.

I was really impressed by him and was starting to fall for him. We exchanged numbers and kept in touch through email/chatting since he lived in another city. I visited him in his city throughout the months but never had alone-one-on-one time with him. He calls me almost everyday (sometimes more than once a day), introduced me to his family, met my mom, knows my friends. Everything seems great, except he only sees me as a friend.

He tells me how he’s dating someone at the moment and that he’s in love. However, I feel that we have this deeper bond. We are always there for each other and he’s always telling me how he misses me and how he just loves our “friendship” and how he can’t wait till I move to his city (I’m going to be moving there due to a job assignment I received–before I met him). He’s really sweet and I’m realizing how empty my life would be without him. I would not want to lose him. I have tried ignoring his phone calls but I end up feeling guilty, for he has no reason why I would avoid him. Plus, I enjoy talking to him as well–he just makes me laugh and feel good.

I have just been very confused because he confides in me so much, and tells me that I”m the only person who he can go to when he’s sad or happy. We see each other at least once a month and always have fun.

Is this love or infatuation? I have not told him how I feel for fear of rejection but also because I dont want to ruin the “thing” he has going on with this other girl at the moment. I am not obsessed with him but I do feel hurt when he says the word “friend.” I would like to see if we could be more than friends.

Any suggestions on how to approach this topic with this guy? Should I wait till I move to his city for things to get closer, or should I just tell him now, or not at all?

Thanks,
Hopelessly Devoted.

[Ask April Masini]

It sounds like you’re falling in love with a man who isn’t in love with you. He’s given you his boundaries loud and clear. He is committed to another woman, and only wants to be your friend. While you may think your bond is deeper than friendship, he doesn’t.

My suggestion is [b]not[/b] to tell your friend how you feel. It breaks every rule of dating that I advocate about women being the prize that men should chase. I’ve never seen a situation where a woman throws herself at the guy, the way you would be when you tell him you like him as more than friends. You’re going to create more misery for yourself.

In addition to which, I always try to get my readers to only date men (or women) who are actually available! This guy is committed to another woman. Leave him alone. Why would you want to wreak havoc in his relationship if you really care about him? The answer is, you wouldn’t.

It’s very hard for men and women to be friends when one of them is single. More often than not, one of them falls for the other, or one of them has an indiscretion with the other, and it creates drama and chaos. Oh, and did I forget to say, hurt feelings that can lead to misery?

My advice to you is cool it with this friend, and start getting out there and dating men who are actually available (read: single), who want to be more than just friends, and who pursue you in dating and not the other way around.

My book, Think & Date Like A Man, is available for purchase ($15.95) at this link [url]http://www.askapril.com/relationship-dating-advice/think-and-date-like-a-man.html[/url], and I suggest you download it immediately and start reading. You’ll get a LOT of advice and guidance on how to date so you end up happy, and with the guy who is Mr. Right for you.

I hope that helps — I’m quite sure it’s not what you wanted to hear, but I’d like to see you successful in love. 🙂

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