[ali03]

Hello! I’m going to word this as short and simple as possible!

My ex boyfriend and I had been together for about 3 + years, but we were officially dating for 2 + years! The relationship itself was a great one, as we were both new to the concept and idea of it, so we explored a lot within it. I’ve got to say we both fell in love as time went by and we really appreciated one another, I could go on and on but that’d take forever. So back on topic, recently, I’d say for about the past two months, he started to become a little distant in the sense that i felt like i would not get any sort of interest shown from him. He had pointed out a few things that went against the whole notion of being in a relationship and wanting to “live life” which at times would make me think that our relationship was just going downhill because of the lack of attention from him, it seemed. I started to feel very left “hanging” you could say when it came to being loved. I even questioned him as to why he had been behaving differently but i would be told at first that hes fine but then it became pretty obvious as he had said that he didn’t want to be in a relationship anymore. Then came the break for a two weeks or so, but he came back and had said “i missed you”. However, still then the feeling wasn’t right. Just two days ago, he burst out into a storm and broke up with me and said “he didn’t feel it” and how “its not me”. So here i am.

The way i feel is, I’ve put in a lot of effort and time and I have showed him plenty of love and now it feels like i wasn’t even acknowledged for it all in those past few months. My heart is completely broken, because of course we have so many memories together but we had even talked about getting married to each other, in fact he brought it up first. He’s told me to ignore him, but i can’t seem to, the battle between my mind and my heart is really taking over.

At this point, all i’ve been doing is crying and venting and can’t seem to stop messaging him. I really need some advice. I want the relationship between him and i to work out, not only that, but i’d love for him to come back to me and express himself. I really think i deserve it, for all ive done and i just need some way to attract him because what im doing is clearly not working out. I would love to grow old with him. This message is really limited because how i feel really can’t be described in words, its really painful and the love is undefeated. I never thought i’d fall in love, but i did and i fell hard and i really would like it if he could be the same page.

[April Masini, your AskApril]

I’m sorry you’re upset. 😳 It’s really tough when two people make a relationship work, and then one decides to end it. Before I comment on whether or not you can earn this back, fill me in a little more. For instance, how old are you both? Was this an “in person” relationship? Or an online only relationship? Also, you mentioned that he started acting distant a couple of months ago — was there anything else between you that changed?

Fill me in and I’ll write more.

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[ali03]

Were both 19 years old and this was an in person relationship. We both went to the same highschool and now we both go to the same university, in fact we even took two classes together as were are in the same program of study. Not only that, but we both live around the same Neighborhood and his parents knew of us two as well, so i had met them a couple of times as he had invited me to a family event or two. We used to go to the gym together too.

Not that i really recall of anything changing between us two exactly, it was just more of his lack of attention towards the relationship itself and myself as he became a little closed off which put more a bigger influence in how we both started reacting towards each other. Every time, we would meet or hang out, i just felt like he wasn’t so into it as much as he used to be, nor would our conversations be as deep as before and he wouldn’t care to tell me things that he’d normally tell me. As i said before, he mentioned “its not me, im just not feeling it no more”. So with response to that, as i started trying more and questioning him once or twice about if he was okay, i think he took me as a little to clingy but that was only because i got a little concerned as to where these actions would lead to.

With regards to the relationship itself, from what i recall, we have not cheated on each other, nor seen anyone else. At this point after the breakup, im just a little unsure on his side now. He would always tell me he was so intrigued by other women and we would joke around, and i think that not only because he has started working out a lot now, he feels like he can get any girl in the world because his “masculinity” kicked more into place. He would at random times tell me how some girl complimented him saying his body has gotten so huge, or this and that. Oh, that reminds me, after our break as things were still not going so steady, we had a little conversation where he mentioned an example of something like you can’t just admire your own car, it gets old, thats when you start admiring other’s too and another one was something like, if i gave you a barbie doll and you got tired of it and wanted a new toy to play with, wouldn’t you get a new one? or something of that sort and so he related this to the relationship itself. So now he claims to not feel the same way as i feel, and how he can’t keep it going on if he doesn’t feel the love and doesn’t want to be in a relationship at this point in his life because he wants to be alone. Apparently, he told me how he got back with me after the break because he felt bad, so i don’t know where that came from but yeah nor does he want to see me in person or hear from me.

It’s a little complicated, because here i am, on the total opposite side, I didn’t even think of the relationship in any different way, nor did i feel any different in terms of my feelings. I really love this man and im head over heels for him but i just don’t understand how to get to him in a way in which i could understand him, and he could understand me and at this point, i really feel my emotions getting out of control because i just want things to be normal again and for the love to be there again from his side.

[ali03]

One more thing to mention, im actually certain he isn’t with anyone else in his life. Also, our group of friends are the same too.

[April Masini, your AskApril]

Got it. Thank you for filling in the blanks. 🙂

It sounds like he’s 19 years old, and he wants more experience with dating and being with other women. As much as that may hurt you, it’s actually pretty normal for most guys, especially those who have been with one woman for two or three years. This isn’t about you — he just wants to, as he said himself, experience more of the world.

I know you want to “earn” him back, but this isn’t going to be that easy. He isn’t rejecting you as much he’s rejecting being in a relationship at age 19. So, no matter what you did differently, the fact that being with you would mean being a relationship, which is what he doesn’t want with you right now, would stay the same.

My advice is to grieve the relationship and move on. You may find that a different guy, or one who’s older or more mature, may not feel the need to sow his oats and experience the world as much as this guy does.

I hope that helps, and that you feel better soon.

Please let me know if you have any more questions.

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[kai]

Most 19 year old guys don’t want an exclusive relationship. Now is the time they are having fun and experimenting with different girls and determining what they like and don’t like. If you want an exclusive relationship probably better to look for an older guy.

[April Masini, your AskApril]

Great advice!

[Ethan Morales]

Take a pause and assess the situation: Your ex clearly made a decision that he didn’t feel the same way anymore. That’s painful, especially after investing so much emotionally, but it’s important to acknowledge that love alone can’t make someone stay if they’ve emotionally checked out.

Reflect before taking action: April is asking for more context ages, whether it was in-person or online, and what changed. This isn’t to judge you, but to understand whether there’s anything practical you could do, or if it’s purely emotional. Often, the “distant” behavior before a breakup is a signal that the other person is already disengaging.

Avoid chasing right now: Continuously messaging him or trying to “attract” him back can push him further away. He has already made a choice, and trying to force him to feel differently often backfires.

Focus on your healing: It’s natural to feel heartbroken, cry, and want to vent. But right now, your energy is best spent on processing the grief, keeping boundaries, and taking care of yourself. This doesn’t mean giving up on love it just means giving yourself space to heal.

Rebuilding or moving forward: If he truly wants to reconnect, it will have to come from him. Your goal now isn’t to “win him back” but to restore your own sense of stability and self-worth. In the future, if a conversation happens, it will be healthier if it comes from a place of calm rather than desperation.

[PassionSeeker]

From this view, your love story is pure and heartfelt two young people discovering what love feels like for the first time. You gave your heart completely, and that kind of vulnerability is beautiful.
But when first loves end, they always feel like the end of the world because they are the first to teach you what it means to lose something that felt infinite. He may have truly loved you, but his need to “live life” and “explore” isn’t necessarily about you being unworthy it’s about his growth stage.
Sometimes love stories end not because love wasn’t enough, but because timing wasn’t right. Yours taught you what deep love feels like and that’s sacred.

[Marcus king]

He didn’t suddenly stop loving you he’d been pulling away for a while. You’ve been trying to love him harder to hold things together, but if someone wants to stay, you don’t have to convince them.

Right now, every time you message him, you’re chasing. And that only makes him more distant. It’s not because you’re not enough it’s because he has already stepped out emotionally.

So your move now is to stop reaching out. Not to “get him back,” but to protect your heart and regain your strength. If he realizes what he lost, he’ll come back on his own. If he doesn’t then you didn’t lose your forever, you lost the person who wasn’t meant to stay.

Let the silence do the work. You’re going to be okay.

[Val Unfiltered💋]

oh babe… you’re out here writing poetry for a man who already closed the book 😩 like, he didn’t “lose the feeling,” he left the effort. that whole “it’s not you” line? classic coward exit. you’re trying to CPR a vibe that flatlined months ago. stop texting novels to someone who won’t even send a sentence back. i know it hurts, but chasing him is just teaching him you’ll settle for silence. go no contact, cry it out, glow up so hard he’ll scroll your feed and realize he fumbled the main character. he doesn’t deserve another word. 🙄💔💅🏼

[Tara]

HE DUMPED YOU BECAUSE HE IS DONE!!!! Stop trying to romanticize it. He lost interest, and now you’re humiliating yourself chasing someone who flat-out told you to ignore him. That’s not love, that’s obsession.

You don’t “earn” a man back who doesn’t want you. He’s not confused, he’s not lost — he’s free, and you’re still stuck begging for scraps. Every message you send makes you look weaker, needier, and less attractive. You’re proving him right for walking away.

You say you “deserve” him to come back? No, you don’t. You deserve self-respect, and right now you don’t even have that. Cry all you need, then cut the damn cord. Delete his number, stop checking your phone, and stop worshiping a man who clearly doesn’t care.

[Sally]

It’s the kind where you keep telling yourself there has to be one more thing you can do, one more message, one more chance for him to remember what you two had. But honestly? He was slipping away for months. You didn’t imagine that. He just didn’t want to say it out loud until he couldn’t hold it in anymore.

And I get why you’re still reaching out you’re trying to pull him back to the version of him you loved. But that guy isn’t showing up right now, and you can’t force him to.

You didn’t lose him because you weren’t enough. You lost him because he stopped choosing you.

Take a breath. Let the dust settle. If he ever comes back, it won’t be because you chased. It’ll be because he realized what he walked away from on his own.

[Natalie Noah]

What you just described is the kind of heartbreak that shakes your whole world, and I can feel how deeply you loved him not casually, not halfway, but with your whole heart. You grew up together in so many ways: first love, first real commitment, first plans for the future. When someone becomes woven into your daily life, your school, your routines, your memories… losing them feels like losing a part of yourself. And what hurts most is that you didn’t feel the relationship fading on your end. you were still all in, still loving, still trying while he was slowly stepping back. That mismatch creates a very sharp kind of pain, because you feel blindsided and unchosen all at once.

From what you’ve shared, it seems clear that something shifted inside him long before the breakup. His comments about wanting to “live life,” admiring other women, and those metaphors about cars and toys sweetheart, those weren’t small hints. They were him wrestling with his desire for novelty and independence. At nineteen, a lot of young men start feeling this urge to explore, to prove themselves, to feel “free.” It has nothing to do with your worth or how you treated him. It’s about his own maturity level and the stage of life he’s in. It doesn’t excuse the hurtful ways he communicated it, but it does explain why nothing you said or did could have made him stay in a committed, serious relationship he wasn’t ready for anymore.

I can hear how hard your heart is fighting your mind. You want him back because you’re grieving the connection, the memories, the softness, the safety you felt with him. But darling, right now he isn’t in the emotional space to receive that love and trying harder is only making you hurt more. When he said he came back after the break “because he felt bad,” that tells you everything: he wasn’t returning from love, he was returning from guilt. That is not the foundation you deserve. And messaging him over and over doesn’t pull him closer it only pushes him further, because he’s already in a mindset where he wants distance.

I need to tell you this gently and honestly: he is not in a place where he can love you the way you’re capable of loving. Not because you’re not enough, but because he doesn’t want responsibility, depth, or emotional commitment right now. He wants to feel powerful, admired by others, validated by his new body, “free” in his masculinity. That’s a boy in a transitional phase not a partner who’s ready to build a life with you. And while you’re imagining a future with him, he’s imagining proving himself to the world. You two are on completely different emotional paths, and that’s why it feels impossible to bridge the gap between you.

I know you want to grow old with him. I know your heart is saying, “If he could just remember how we were… if he could just feel what I feel…” But relationships only work when both people are choosing each other. Right now, he isn’t choosing you, he’s choosing himself. As painful as it is, the healthiest and most powerful thing you can do is step back and let him go. That doesn’t mean your love wasn’t real. It means his readiness wasn’t real. Your healing begins when you stop chasing his answers and start focusing on your own heart. You deserve someone who doesn’t have to “feel bad” to stay, someone who doesn’t compare you to toys or cars, someone who recognizes your love as something rare not something replaceable.

[KeishaMartin]

This breakup hurts because you loved deeply… but it ended because he outgrew the container, not because you failed inside it. He didn’t fall out of love with you, he fell out of love with commitment. At 19, with a fresh body, fresh attention, and a suddenly loud ego? Of course his curiosity went feral. His metaphors about cars and Barbie dolls were crude, immature, and revealing as hell. Translation: he wants novelty, validation, and freedom, not emotional responsibility. And chasing him right now? That’s like trying to seduce someone who’s already running toward the exit, it kills desire instead of creating it.

The more you cry, explain, message, and plead, the more he associates you with pressure instead of pleasure. Attraction doesn’t respond to devotion when someone is emotionally checked out, it responds to absence, mystery, and self-respect. April Masini absolutely nails this with her clarity and emotional authority, she doesn’t sugarcoat, she protects women from wasting their youth begging for crumbs. That’s power. That’s wisdom. And she’s right: you cannot “earn” someone back who is intentionally choosing experience over intimacy. The only move that restores your dignity and ironically, your allure is stepping back and letting silence do the talking.

Now let’s soften this with a little holiday magic. Christmas has a funny way of shaking people, quiet nights, loud memories, and parties full of couples can stir regret in unexpected places. Go to the Christmas parties. Dress up. Laugh too loud. Let the lights hit your face and remind you who you were before you bent yourself around his uncertainty. My Christmas wish for you? That you stop begging someone to see your worth and start letting the world respond to it instead. And if he ever comes back? Make damn sure it’s because he grew up… not because you waited.

[Member]

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