[Carholic2002]

I’m 37 he’s 45 but I’ve never dated over 40. I have a high drive and men my age have a tough time keeping up. He has a high drive an interest level and stamina bit way too much stamina. He takes far too long to climax and he only can from his own hand and in one position. It takes so long I’m in pain and just want it to end. We’ve tried all the advice. Toys, him stopping self pleasure. Every position he’s been medically tested. He said since He has been divorced 8 years ago he’s had 2 serious relationships so I get it but it’s three months and not improved. I’ve been understand but am at my wits end. He’s good in all other ways. This is inky going to get worse as he ages what do I do? I know o won’t ne physically satisfied? Thanks.

[Ask April Masini]

I’m going to take a wild guess here, that your boyfriend is taking some form of Viagra, which is may be why things are taking so long. You might want to have a conversation with him about this because one thing the two of you can do is to play around with his dosage — with his physician’s approval, of course. Since he’s got a younger girlfriend in you, and you’ve got a high sex drive, he’s probably dosing up so he doesn’t have to feel old. But it sounds like what he’s doing isn’t working for you so if the two of you can discuss his pharmaceutical life, you may find some room to make things better there.

Let me know if that works.

[Carholic2002]

Thank you. I will bring that up with him and see what he says. Funny I specifically asked about this early on when we met and he denied it. I was not aware this could cause inability to orgasm or delayed orgasm. While I can understand an older man being concerned about a younger woman’s drive and keeping up with her I would be fairly upset with the dishonesty particularly when I’m sitting here trying everything to fix it and he’s not revealing the real cause of the problem! Thanks for filling me in though.

[Ask April Masini]

I’m not a physician, so I’m just guessing…. but it is worth bringing up. And try not to blame him. Men are very concerned about their sexuality and their sexual performances, so as annoyed as you may be that he wasn’t truthful (if he wasn’t truthful), try and empathize before you get mad. You’ll just push him away if you lash out, so create a conversation that is nurturing and supportive so if he has lied or if he does have some issues he hasn’t told you about before because he was ashamed, he can now.

[Sally]

Sex matters, especially when it’s starting to feel painful and one-sided.
This isn’t really about his age. Plenty of men in their 40s have great sex lives. This is about compatibility and patterns that don’t seem to be changing. You’ve tried. He’s tried. Three months in, this is already stressing you out instead of getting easier.

The hard truth is you can like someone a lot and still not be a good match physically. And it’s okay to admit that without blaming either of you. Love doesn’t magically fix ongoing pain or unmet needs.

Ask yourself this honestly: if nothing changes, can you live with this long-term without resentment? If the answer is no, that’s important information. It doesn’t mean he’s bad. It just means you’re listening to your body and your needs.

[Author]

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