[kristielee]

dear, april i posted my story on someone elses page on accident the last time.. my boyfriend of 3 an half years he is 22 im 36 has decided that he wants to be with his babys moma, but keep me in his life also.. but doesnt want her to know.. me an him have been living together for three years an in the three years he has cheated on me twice an we seperated for abt 2 months so he could try an make with her.. but it didnt work out an he come bk to me.. we have been bk together for a year now but now he is wanting to try an put a family bk together again. he lives paycheck to paycheck but he is wantin me to get him a house an a vehicle.. i feel like im just being used i have taken care of him the whole time we have been together.. he is sayin he cant imagine me not bein apart of his life.. an he loves me more than anyhting, but i mean is he just hanging on for money or does he love me????

[April Masini, your AskApril]

Here’s what I wrote you when you posted in the wrong place!

[quote][quote=”April Masini”]Hi, [b]kristielee[/b]. I’m glad you’re here — and I think you’re new. For future, please start a new post for your questions that have nothing to do with someone else’s’ instead of replying with your question to another person’s, as you have here.

But since you’re here, let me answer you! If your boyfriend of three years wants to leave you and be with the mother of his child, who happens to be three years old, you have to understand that he’s trying to be a good father and do the right thing. Because you got involved with a man who had a newborn with someone else, you ran the risk that this was going to happen. 🙁 Whenever you date a single parent, his (or her) ex with whom he has children with is ALWAYS going to be part of his life — and yours, too. In this case, he wants you to duck into the closet so she doesn’t know he’s with you on the side.

This isn’t a good situation for you, and frankly, it isn’t a good one for him, either. If he’s decided to be with his daughter and her mother and to give their family a shot, then he should do it full on without distraction (you). You need to recognize that the best thing for you is to move on and find someone who is going to be there for you as Mr. Right.

I’d suggest you read my book, Think & Date LIke A Man, that you can purchase at Amazon, Barnes & Noble, or right here at this link: [url]https://www.askapril.com/relationship-dating-advice/think-and-date-like-a-man.html[/url]. It’s a book I wrote for women who want to find, get and keep Mr. Right. You’ll learn a lot to make your life better.

I hope this helps — and I’m sorry this is tough for you. Let me know how things go, and please follow me @AskAprilcom (no dot) on Twitter, and on Facebook at this link: [url][/url].[/quote]
[/quote]

[kristielee]

ok april??? now that he has told his babys moma that if she would straighten up that they would be together.. now she is being very forcefull and its starting to push him away.. and he is starting not to want to be with her anymore.. but i took your advice on moving on an letting him have no distractions and he want have it.. he says he wants me in his life.. he says that im the only female that has ever been able to satisfy him completely… i mean our sex life is awsome an we do have fun together even when were not in the bedroom.. but him an his baby moma made an agreement not to have another male or female around there daughter an he doesnt want his daughter growing up in another mans lap he says.. he is telling me he was considering it because of his daughters happiness.. he says he only cares abt his babys moma but he doesnt love her he says he loves me.. im trying to end this and get closesure.. i mean i feel this is best cause of there agreement.. but he want have it at all.. i still need your advice on how to approach this.. and i tried finding your book think like a man date like man an i couldnt find it at either book store here in my town.. but please i need your input.. i mean we have been together for almost four years… an i still love him very much

[April Masini, your AskApril]

First of all, here’s the link for Think & Date Like A Man, the book I think you should read: [url]https://www.askapril.com/relationship-dating-advice/think-and-date-like-a-man.html[/url] and here’s the Barnes & Noble link to buy the book: [url]https://search.barnesandnoble.com/Think-and-Date-like-a-Man/April-Masini/e/9780595374663/?itm=4&USRI=Think+%26+Date+Like+A+Man[/url]. I think this will help you a lot.

As for your advice. I know you’re trying to figure this out, but your boyfriend isn’t helping you. YOU have to look at the whole picture from a more distant perspective. He now has a child, and that child has to come first. It’s understandable he doesn’t want another man fathering her, but unless he’s there with his daughter’s mother, there’s a good chance that mother will find another man to date and become a father figure or step-father to his daughter. Because he’s now a father, he has to move beyond his own needs and desires and put the child first. That means he doesn’t get everything he wants (when he wants it, if at all). Having children means having to sacrifice.

Right now he’s trying to have his cake and to eat it, too. He wants an agreement with his daughter’s mother, but he doesn’t want to lose you. This isn’t going to work for long.

If he gets to a point where he doesn’t want to be with his daughter’s mother and is willing to set up a custody schedule so he has some custody of his daughter and a structured relationship with her, and pays child support, and he understands that her mother will probably be dating other men and may bring other men into her life and into their daughter’s life, one of whom may become her stepfather, then, and only then, will he be ready to date you. But that’s a tall order.

I hope that helps. Let me know how it goes — and I hope you can get the book.

Follow me @AskAprilcom on Twitter and at this link on Facebook: [url][/url].

[Anonymous]

april.. i feel the right thing to do is to just move on.. i mean i love him very much.. but yes your right having children means making sacrifices. i know i have two girls of my own.. i wish this wasnt so painful.. i wanna be one of those women who love men but dont need them you know?? an im going to get that book tomorrow.. hopefully that will help alot also… thank you.. an please send advice soon..

[April Masini, your AskApril]

Let me know what you think of the book. I think it’s going to help you a lot. 😀

[kristielee]

hey april.. i love the book its helping so very much.. here is an update on my situation me an my boyfriend are still in the same house together.. but i went to him an told him its time for us to go our seperate ways he still saying thats not what he wants.. he left this past sunday to go out of town to work an he barely called me i didnt call him at all.. i waited to hear from him which wasnt much at all an when he did call he was very short with me an didnt have a whole lot to say.. he called me on tuesday an told me he was coming back from out of town an ask if i would pick him up from the office so i did. an he was texting on his phone the whole way back to our house which is about a 45 minute drive from his office.. i ask him who he was texting an he said his babys moma.. he said he was going to get his daughter when he got back which is an hour drive from our house an it was already seven oclock at night.. an the wheather was awful.. he was off the next day so i said to him why dont you just wait an go get her in the morning when the wheather is better an he had just drove 4 hours from where he was working an then another hour to where we live. he said no he was going to go ahead an get her tht nite so we get back to our house an of course im stressing out because he is acting so strange. but anyway he kisses me an tells me he loves me an tells me after he picks his daughter up he says he is going to stop an get a movie so me an him can spend some time together after his daughter goes to sleep. well he finally gets back about 930 an the first thing he does is ask me to whatch his daughter he said he wanted to get a shower an he ask me to make him somethimg to eat while he was in the shower so i did. when he got out of the shower he went an got his daughter to sleep. then he ate his dinner an while he was eating i ask him if he got a movie an he said no.. he never told me why.. he just said he was tired an he was gonna go to bed.. so he did an i was up half the night wandering what in the heck had happened.. so i decided i was going to look thru his phone and see if i could find some answers.. well he had locked me out of it an of course that raised alot of questions.. so the next morning i ask him what he was hiding from me an he said nothing i told him he was lying to me.. an he ended telling me he had two naked pics on his phone from someone but never told me who.. so tell me what i should do???

[April Masini, your AskApril]

This one’s easy. What should you do? Break up with him. Read Think & Date Like A Man, and find Mr. Right. This is a no brainer! 😀

[kristielee]

hi april its three days later since this has taken place.. for the past two days they have been in a huge argument.. an he has been so nice to me but he is sending me alot of mixed signals right now.. and i love him its ery hard to just up and walk away.. is there anything thing i can do to make him realize.. i mean we have been together for four years.. i really need to know if there is any fixing this.. because if i walk away now.. i will never look back..

[April Masini, your AskApril]

If after four years of dating he doesn’t want his daughter to know you and he doesn’t want his daughter’s mother to know he’s dating you, he’s not taking your relationship seriously. I’m sorry, but there is nothing you can do that you haven’t done to make him want a real commitment with you. You’re always going to be the woman who takes the back seat to his daughter’s mother and eventually to his daughter. You’ll never be happy in this relationship.

I’m sorry. Re-read my advice, and read the book! It will help you move on. 😀

See you on Facebook at this link: [url][/url] or on Twitter @AskAprilcom. 😀

[kristielee]

his daughter knows me well.. but his daughters moma doesnt want her around any other females except her. so what should i do???

[April Masini, your AskApril]

Break up with him.

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