[neodar]

Here is the deal, Iv been dating my girlfriend for about 8 months now, and she has been getting distance and she says I have pushed her away, because I Need to grow up and I need to be mature and stop trying to impress her and be real. She loves me, she said she couldnt ever leave me and she wants this to work, she is still high school and I have graduated, I have a job but not a great one. And its hard to fine one you know. And I just hate having her being distance, it hurts really bad, if spent the past night crying because of it. I want to get be more mature I want to be more “grown” up. I just need advice. We both love each other and we want to start our life toghter, And I just need some advice. I hate not talking to her and her being upset and not happy it truly sucks, and she has told me this stuff beefore but it never sank in, then last night she said that she didnt like me as much and that stuff and if I dont change this relationship wont work and I want it to work, So please if anyone can give me some good advice…..For the both of us. We both love each other and we want to fix this and get this back to normal

[Ask April Masini]

Rejection hurts but if you can step back and see the bigger picture, you’ll understand that it really is a gift. I know that must sound crazy right now because you’re so wound up in this sinking relationship, but your girlfriend is telling you she’s not interested in you any more, and she’s actually saving you time and more pain by cutting you free to find someone who does love you and who does appreciate you and who does respect you and who does want to be with you.

It’s impossible to make someone love you when they want someone else or something else. I don’t think you’re going to be able to win this girl over again. She’s made up her mind, and she’s moving on.

What I would like to see you do is to man up and take the hit. Men and women dump each other all the time. If they didn’t there would be way more divorce and heartache than there already is. Dating is a process for both people to learn what they want and whether their date can be that for them. It is also a time for self growth so you can hone in on what you truly need to make a relationship work long term. Compatibility relies on self knowledge.

So use this relationship to understand what went right and what went wrong for you. And with what knowledge you’ve gained, get back out there and start dating again. The more you date, the more likely you are to meet someone with whom you’re truly compatible and can have a loving, healthy long term relationship.

I’m sorry you’re hurt. Accept the rejection, nurse the pain, then end that pity party! Life is yours for the taking, so get your share — it’s out there waiting for you! 🙂

[neodar]

oh no she isnt doing that lol, nothing even close. I shoulda thought about what I typed before posting that, I guess I was kinda venting. she says she couldn’t even think of breaking up with me or ending this relationship, We just need help you know. well mostly me.

one of the things she said was just I need to stop trying to impress her, thats a big thing I need help with. I shoulda said it better in my first post, She isnt breaking up and where not ending the relationship, I just need some advice.

we talked about it last night, she said I have been doing much better, but I cant rush into her feeling better after one day of us fighting. When she gets mad or upset she stays mad for a little while haha, I just need to take her being up set, we cuddle last night and just talked, and told how much we love each other, it was nice 🙂

She says I don’t need to impress her, I have already have her and I don’t need to impress her, sometime I will tell her about a jobbed I applyed for and make it sound better than it really is, I always do that. I kinda always try to impress people, and I never really had anyone be already impressed with me just me, just my self, till I meet her you know. So im not used to having somone being impressed by the little things that I do, and being proud of them.

I guess I just need to be my self. I already have the girl that loves me 🙂

And I think I just answered my own question……I guess I just needed someone to listen to me, or read me? haha

[neodar]

I do have to say, I really like this forum.

Its like Im venting to someone, and sometimes it just takes writing your thoughts to reliese your own answers to your questions, its weird. But thanks alot April. And sorry about that first post, I really should of read it before I posted it 🙁

[Ask April Masini]

Well I’m glad you’ve answered your own question for yourself, and that you like this forum so much! I like having you here. 🙂

What comes across to me is that you like impressing your girlfriend, and while it’s wonderful have a woman who thinks you’re just the best guy in the whole world, be careful about being honest and not inflating your stories just to fulfill your ego! When people are insecure, and need the applause more than the honesty, they inflate facts about their lives and themselves to get those kudos from their girlfriend, but the downside is that if the girlfriend begins to find out that the facts and stories aren’t really true — or aren’t quite as true as they were originally made out to be, you’re going to lose her trust.

So be careful not to try and win attention in the short run by trying to impress her, if it may lead to a loss of trust over inflated stories in the long run.

[neodar]

Hey there I just want to say that your advice worked great and helped us out 🙂

we final also have some things that we have interest in and can connect even more now.

we have been fine now, we did have a little fight about me “suffocating” her which I know I was kinda doing, texting her every 10 mins, asking her where she is, stuff like that and I have stopped, and I have noticed that she does miss me more, and loves to come home and call me. Here is my question, Do girls love that? Like I know after a certain time in a relationship you dont need to send them a text every 10 mins saying I love you. im pretty sure we past that point to. Does the time not talking and all that build up the, I guess the “missing feeling” factor? I was just wondering that. I mean I noticed when I have to work at night, and im a cook so I can hardly text, sometimes when im heading home she’ll call me, in her sad/cute voice and telling me come home, and she misses me and all that. and I kinda love that, and it makes me feel more like the man and that you know Its just a good feeling I guess cause when I get home I love coming home to her and talking to her about my day and how she missed me and all the good romantic stuff lol

So really I guess my question is, Should I just not even text her, Mabey like once in the morning or what ever, and mabey when she gets out of school. or just not text her at all, I dont mind it, it kinda sucks because you miss them but what is your advice?

Other than that we have been doing fine, iv been acting my age, and being more responsible, and been trying to watch what I say before I say it.

OH one more thing haah sorrry 🙁

this isnt really a big problem, but she is on he period this week, usually are girls very moody as in, one second there horny and the other second there not haha? I mean iv delt with her on period before, but iv always noticed that, and I wanted to her from anthor womens stand point on that one before I ask her haha.

[Ask April Masini]

I’m really glad that my advice helped. 🙂

As for your new information, I’d remind you to remember how good it feels for you to be the man in the relationship, as you wrote below. When you text her every ten minutes and basically suffocate her with attention, and your neurotic need to control things and make sure she’s still there and still loving you, you’re acting more like a child with a separation issue than a man. But when you cooled your need to know where she is and what she’s doing at every minute of the day, the result was that she missed you and she told you so. Magic, right? Not really. Just behavior modification. So keep doing what you’re doing by tempering your actions. Just because you have a feeling doesn’t mean you have to act on it, so if you miss her, it doesn’t mean you have to call her or text her. Wait.

As for her moods and her menstrual cycle, it might be a good idea for you to keep your own secret calendar of when she’s menstruating and when she isn’t. That way you have a head’s up on her mood cycle. If you’re diligent about keeping the calendar, you’ll even start to notice at what time of the month she’s weepy, angry, and sexually inclined. And you can temper your own appearances and behavior, to meet what she can’t control!

See if it works, and good luck! 🙂

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