[sung4801]

I need your advice!

I met this guy over 6 months ago. We went out on a few dates and we like each other. I was out of country for 3 months and during that time he made sure to email me everyday. But It was not clear to me what his intention was or perhaps I didn’t want to know. I mean I didn’t have sex with him for so long that it could be because he wanted to have sex with me. After I came back from 3-month overseas trip, we became a lot closer.

Now, I’ve slept with him twice so far and he texts me numerous times a day and for the past week, he has been calling me at night. He also asked me if I wanted to go on a trip with him and his parents which I said no to.

The problem is I don’t like to be in a relationship. I love being single so much and I am having a blast. I mean I like him and I really enjoy hanging out with him but I don’t want to be anyone’s girl friend at this moment in my life. I’ve had a few boy friends in my life and never enjoyed being someone’s girl friend. Eventually, I want to get married and settle down but not now.

How can I say this to him? I really dont want to hurt his feelings because I really like him and he has been nothing but nice to me.

Thanks!

[kitkat620]

“I love being single so much and I am having a blast. I mean I like him and I really enjoy hanging out with him but I don’t want to be anyone’s girl friend at this moment in my life. I’ve had a few boy friends in my life and never enjoyed being someone’s girl friend. Eventually, I want to get married and settle down but not now.”

I think the answer to your question is in the paragraph you had typed above. It’s simple, honest and to the point without being hurtful. It’s better to let him know now what your intentions are than risk hurting him more later on.

[ebonypittman88]

hi kitkat620,
You are really in trouble. You lead this guy to false hope. I bet he thinks that you also have feelings for him. Your action speaks even if you don’t utter words of love to him.
Why not try to give chance to be his girl friend, maybe he is the one you’re looking.

[Ask April Masini]

You can either tell him — or you can just make sure that your behavior is consistent with what you want. One way or another, he’s going to figure out that you really care about him, but aren’t ready to get married or be monogamous. Just don’t lie or lead him to believe something that isn’t true by being manipulative. 😉

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[sung4801]

Thanks everyone for your advice!

I just could not find the right moment to tell him. Ok, there is never the right time, however, he is going through a major lawsuit and he is so nervous about it. I really can’t tell him at this moment when he needs me the most. I care about him and I sincerely want to be there when he wants to talk.

On the other hand, I am very firm on my belief. I really do not want relationship although he is so sweet to me and I like to see him for the time being. I am basically waiting for him to make mistakes, so I can naturally let him go. He has an ego so I would rather have him dislike me or think that he dumped me rather than the other way around. I just don’t want to hurt him.

What should I do? I am not manipulative but if I continue this, I would be a manipulative person regardless of my intent.

[Ask April Masini]

Life is full of hurt, and if you think you can insulate someone from hurting them, you’re wrong. You don’t want to hurt him by telling him the truth because it will hurt him, but if you don’t, you’re going to be someone who is manipulative and untruthful — and that will hurt him. More.

Sometimes you have to choose the right thing — even when there is hurt involved. There will always be stressors like law suits, job issues, family conflicts — and you can use them as excuses not to do the work you have to do — or you can roll up your sleeves and do what needs to be done.

“It’s not you, it’s me….” is one of the oldest break up lines in history — but it’s cliched because it works. You don’t have to break up with him, but you can be genuine in your intentions and let him make the decision whether to stay or go. 😉

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[sung4801]

You are so absolutely right, Thanks for your advice!!!

[Ask April Masini]

You’re very welcome. 🙂

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[Ethan Morales]

I think April Masini’s answer is grounded in emotional maturity and realism. She’s right: sometimes you can’t avoid hurting someone, especially when your truth doesn’t align with their expectations. From what you wrote, it’s clear you care deeply about this guy and don’t want to mislead him that’s actually a strong starting point. Wanting honesty while also wanting to protect someone’s feelings shows empathy, not manipulation.

If you look at it from his perspective, he’s emotionally invested. He’s texting, calling, even inviting you to travel with his parents that’s a big step, emotionally speaking. To him, that probably signals a deepening bond. But if your heart isn’t in a relationship right now, pretending or postponing the conversation will quietly build a larger emotional debt that you’ll both eventually have to pay. The earlier you’re honest, the smaller that cost will be.

What I like about April’s advice is her emphasis on behavior aligning with truth. You don’t necessarily have to sit him down for a dramatic talk you can begin by living your boundaries. If you’re not emotionally ready for a relationship, show it gently through your rhythm: don’t over-communicate, don’t make romantic commitments, and don’t act like a girlfriend. That consistent behavior will send a clear signal without cruelty.

That said, total silence or distance without context might feel confusing or cold to him so a short, kind conversation helps. Something like: “I care about you a lot, but I’m not in a place for a relationship right now. I really enjoy our time together, but I just want to be upfront.” It’s simple, but it’s honest and it gives him agency to decide how to move forward.

I also think your instinct to wait for the “right time” might be holding you hostage emotionally. There’s never a perfect moment life always has lawsuits, stress, or other chaos. If you hold off until things calm down, you might be waiting forever. Instead, find a gentle time, but not a perfect one. The goal isn’t to avoid hurting him it’s to respect him enough to give him the truth.

Ultimately, your compassion is your strength. You can care about someone deeply and still choose freedom. It’s not cruel; it’s self-aware. Relationships built on false hope cause more pain than short-term honesty. If you communicate kindly, he’ll remember your sincerity far more than the sting of disappointment.

[Sally]

When a guy’s been nothing but kind, the last thing you want is to break his heart. But hiding how you feel is just going to hurt you both more in the long run.
And honestly… you already know your truth. You like him, you have fun with him, but you don’t want the weight of a relationship right now. That’s not selfish. That’s you paying attention to your own life instead of forcing yourself into something that doesn’t fit.

Just tell him in the simplest way you can. Something like:
“I care about you and I love spending time with you, but I’m not in a place where I want a relationship. I don’t want to lead you on, and I want to be honest.”
If he can handle that, great. If not, that’s his answer not yours.
You’re not wrong for wanting your freedom. Just be kind and clear.

[Natalie Noah]

You care deeply about this man and enjoy his company, but your heart is firmly set on maintaining your independence. Honesty is the cornerstone of any meaningful connection, and in this case, it’s not just about your feelings. it’s about protecting him from the hurt that comes from mixed signals. Right now, he’s investing his emotions in someone who isn’t ready to fully reciprocate a committed relationship. Even though your intentions are gentle, waiting for him to “make mistakes” so you can walk away may unintentionally manipulate the situation and could end up causing more pain than a straightforward conversation.

You’re also in a delicate position because he’s facing external stress, like the lawsuit, and your instincts to protect him are understandable. But true care doesn’t come from shielding someone from reality. it comes from being honest about your intentions while allowing him the dignity of making his own decisions. You can frame the conversation in a compassionate way: explain that you genuinely enjoy spending time together, but you’re not ready for a committed or monogamous relationship. This approach respects both your freedom and his right to fully understand the situation without being misled.

If you communicate openly, you can maintain the connection on the terms you’re comfortable with, or he can choose to step back if that doesn’t align with his needs. Avoiding the conversation might feel safer in the short term, but it risks creating resentment, misunderstanding, or emotional harm down the line. Courage and honesty now are kinder than avoiding the truth and letting circumstances manipulate the outcome. It’s not easy, but it’s the right choice for both of you.

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