[Blitz]

My boyfriend is afraid of falling in love, because one girl he fell in love with and she hurt
him really bad and when I tell him I won’t do that, he won’t believe me.

I’m not gonna hurt him, I’d rather put a gun to my temple and shoot it then ever hurt him.
He means the world to me, he just can’t see that.

He says he has a phobia of getting hurt, so do I but I love him and trust him, I believe everything he says. He says he played all of his ex girlfriends except for the girl who hurt him….I could care less if he was playing me, cause I love him but he says he isn’t so I believe it.

He can be a pain and annoying but I put up with all of that so I can be with him.
Sometimes, he’ll be like “you don’t love me” and I’ll tell him I do then we’d discuss about it and he’ll be all happy after wards, then he brings it up and we go through the same thing over and over again
like he has trouble believing me.

He doesn’t see how much it hurts me that he don’t trust me, I want him to fall cause I’ll be there to catch him.

He doesn’t want me to hurt him and I’m not going to
but if he keeps doing this to us, I won’t be able to take more of it and I’ll end up leaving him anyway and hurting him, he told me to promise him to be his forever and I did and I am keeping that promise, I’m in cage here and I need help to find the key to open it.

There are possibly no words on this earth that could explain what I feel for this man, no words at all.
Can I at least get some advice that I haven’t tried that might be successful?

[Anonymous]

It’s unfortunate but sometimes people get hurt. And when they do, they have a hard time trusting the next time around. You have found yourself as the recipient of that hurt your boyfriend felt in the past. Until he clears that issue up for himself, there is no amount of reassurance you can give him. It will be an bottomless pit. He just can’t hear you because in his heart he has trouble trusting that it won’t happen again. In other words, this isn’t about you. It’s about [i]him[/i]. With his filter of distrust, he may not be able to hear your reassurances clearly. Eventually, you may get tired of having to reassure him continually, and you will leave. You may get hurt in the process. You know the phrase: hurt people hurt people. Tread cautiously and continue to take care of yourself and make sure your needs are met. It’s troubling to hear someone say that they would rather put a gun to their head than hurt someone else. Most of us do not willingly want to hurt others. But your first obligation is to take care of yourself, whether in or out of a relationship. You may have to leave this guy and yes, that would hurt him possibly, but again, your first obligation is to care for yourself and [i]your life[/i], and not at the expense of making him happy or reassured. Good luck and take care.

[April Masini, your AskApril]

[b]Vinnie[/b] gave you great advice. I’d venture to go even further and tell you that it’s not him — it’s you! 🙂 The question for yourself is why you’ve chosen someone who who can’t give you his full heart, to love?

Vinnie is absolutely correct that your boyfriend is self protective — so much so that he can’t give with his whole heart. 😳 He is more focused on protecting himself than he is on giving love to you. But I want you to ask yourself how long you’ll stay “in a cage” as you put it. If a man isn’t ready to love, then he’s not ready to be in a relationship. I know you think you can change him, but it seems that he isn’t ready to change himself.

My advice is to accept who he is and let go so that you can find a man who wants to love you with all of his heart and would rather risk getting hurt in the hope that he might win you over.

I hope that helps. Let me know how it goes. And follow me @AskAprilcom on Twitter and on Facebook at this link: [url][/url]. 🙂

[Member]

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