[Missladyt_17]

Hello everyone,

I will try and make this as short as possible, here it goes: There is this guy at work that stares at me all the time, it just seemed liked every time I looked up, he was looking at me. He will stare at me when I am not looking and then when I look at him he would turn his head. When I am near him he ignores me like I have a disease or something. I thought he was somewhat attracted to me and I am a little interested. I really thought about asking him out on a date.

This may be strange but, when I am alone doing my work, I can hear him being loud, he laughs, talks and whatever else, that does not bother me at all. Sometimes with a few of my co-workers we will cut up with one another and the next thing I know here comes this guy out of no where. I see him staring at me and I do not look his way, he will walk by me and look at me, I glace and keep doing what I am doing.It seems as if he wants to get my attention when I am having a good time with my co-workers, he will walk by me and look at me or if I walk by he will look.

Here is an example: My friend came by my desk and we both went to throw our garbage away, we begin talking to another lady in the hallway, next thing I know here he comes walking out the door. He was staring at me and I did not look his way. We got back to my desk and I looked at the door and he was staring at me again. I looked away, then he walks by my desk and he looks at me again, I glance up and kept doing what I was doing.

I said forget it, I am not going to ask him out because I do not think he is interested enough in me to ask me out. WHAT GIVES?????? Whatever you guys tell me to do, that is what I am going to do.

[Ask April Masini]

Don’t ask him out on a date. Instead….. let him know you’re interested in him by flirting with him. 😎 This will make it clear to him you’re interested without your chasing him and taking that opportunity away from him. Chasing him also makes it unclear how much he likes you. If a guy asks you out on a date, you know he wants to date you! That sounds facile, but the reality is that many readers write to me because they’ve asked a guy out on a date, and when he doesn’t call, they’re confused. If you leave the chasing and date-asking to him, you’ll have a clear idea of how he feels about you. 😉 You may be disappointed (or not), but you’ll be clear. And clarity affords you options to stick in there or move on.

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[Missladyt_17]

Kind of hard to flirt when he tries to avoid me now because it is very clear that he does not want me to know how interested he is. When I come around he gets so nervous and he tries his best not to look my way. Flirting with him is out of the question, I think he has read my negativity toward him. I did everything I could to let him know I was interested. I smiled at him, I looked him straight in the eyes when he looked at me, not sure there is much more to do than that. I have just decided to move on, I do not see him asking me on a date or anything else.

I

[Ask April Masini]

Then it’s time to move on. If you’re not going to flirt, and he’s not going to ask you out on a date, my advice is not to waste your time and energy on him. If he sees you having a good life and things going well, and possibly even seeing other guys interested in you, he may ask you out then — or not. But either way, if you’re [i]not[/i] investing in someone who isn’t going to step up to the plate, you can’t lose. If you are investing in someone who isn’t delivering any returns, you’re going to lose out. 😉

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[Missladyt_17]

In all honesty April, it is really hard for him to speak to me due to my position in the company. I am in charge of 8 to 9 programs at my company and I make a six figure salary. I can see where he is a little intimidated and it is very, very difficult to approach me due to so many people around all the time. Under different circumstances, maybe. I am almost sure he is afraid of rejection or feels that I am out of his league.

I tell you what, he watches my every move when he can and if I am joking around with my friends, he finds a way to make his presence known. It is kind of funny because I really, really thought about going up to him and just telling him a little about myself. I will do anything to get him to stop staring at me. He is trying to stop, but he is not doing a good job and he is afraid that someone may see him, so he is working on it. I must say he is quite a handsome fellow.

[Ask April Masini]

Good luck! 😀

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[Missladyt_17]

Hi April,

I have to tell you this. I told you that I would probably go up to him and introduce myself and I probably would have, but then I thought.Why should I speak to someone that walks by me and not even look my way, not even to say goodmorning. I just went on about my business and when he did pass me, I did not bother to try and make eye contact.

It seems that after that he was trying to run into me intentionally. I would leave and come back and here he comes. He finally was able to pass me in the hallway and he just turned his head completely the other way. I just laughed to myself. Now it seems he is going out of his way to let me know that he does not want to look at me or want me in his space. For example: He walks by an area that I sit sometimes and he walked by, but on his return he went around the other way, that is fine. He then began to get loud talking to other co-workers near me, so that I will know that he went around the other way. If he sees me coming he will turn around and walk the other way. I have no problem passing him and I am not going to alter my route just because he is there. He is really going out of his way to show me that he is not interested.

I guess what pisses me off is the fact that he acts like I have been bothering him in some way and he is just tired of me and wants to be rid of me. Okay, I got his message no need to rub it in and besides that I never bothered him in the first place.

What is his problem? No need to turn hateful.

[Ask April Masini]

I’m not sure what his problem is — or if he has one! 😉 My advice is to focus on your life and what you want and how to get it. 🙂

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[Ethan Morales]

From your description, it does sound like this guy is noticing you and is interested to some degree. The repeated staring, the timing of his appearances, and the subtle attention when you’re interacting with coworkers all suggest he’s curious or attracted. However, the behavior is inconsistent sometimes he avoids you, sometimes he stares which makes it hard to interpret definitively.

his avoidance when you are nearby could indicate shyness, insecurity, or simply a lack of confidence in approaching you. Many people show interest indirectly before making a direct move. That doesn’t necessarily mean he’s uninterested; it might just mean he’s unsure how to proceed. Your perception of being ignored could also be magnified by your own uncertainty about his intentions.

April Masini’s advice about not asking him out directly is sound. By initiating a date, you would be taking over the “chasing” role, which can obscure how much he truly wants to pursue you. Allowing him to take that step gives clarity. If he is genuinely interested, he will eventually ask, which confirms his intentions clearly and reduces the guesswork.

Flirting is a useful strategy here. Subtle cues smiling, playful teasing, light compliments, casual touches signal your interest without forcing a commitment or putting him on the spot. This allows him to gauge your receptiveness and can encourage him to act. At the same time, it protects your own energy and emotional investment, because you’re not putting yourself out fully before he demonstrates interest.

it’s also important to monitor your own emotional boundaries. If he never acts or the behavior remains ambiguous over time, you need to be willing to move on. Investing emotional energy in someone who isn’t stepping forward risks frustration or disappointment. Keeping your interactions light and playful ensures you maintain balance and perspective.

the key takeaway is patience, observation, and subtle encouragement. By letting him take the lead while signaling your interest through flirting, you create a natural space for him to demonstrate his intentions. If he’s serious about pursuing you, he’ll make a move. If not, you haven’t overextended yourself and can focus your attention elsewhere. Clarity comes from his actions, not your assumptions

[Sally]

This kind of thing can make you feel half-crazy, because he’s giving you signals but none of them are steady. Some guys stare because they’re into you, and then they panic the second you look back. It’s not charm it’s insecurity.

From what you described, he notices you. A lot. He hovers when you’re laughing, he watches when you’re busy, he shows up out of nowhere… but he never actually talks to you. That’s not confidence. That’s someone who likes the idea of you but is too scared to make a move.

And here’s the honest part: a man who really wants you will eventually step forward. Not hide behind doorframes and glances.
You don’t need to ask him out. You don’t need to do anything. If he wants something real, he’ll find his voice. If not, let him stare and keep living your life. You deserve someone who doesn’t make you guess.

[Natalie Noah]

This situation is layered with tension, curiosity, and miscommunication. What you’re observing the staring, avoiding eye contact, and the nervous energy does suggest that he may be attracted to you, but he’s extremely unsure how to act on it. His behavior of watching you and then deliberately avoiding you can be a mix of intimidation, shyness, and fear of rejection, especially given your high-profile role and the fact that you’re in a position of authority. People can freeze or retreat socially when they feel out of their league or anxious about potential consequences, and it seems he’s caught in that loop.

From your side, you’ve clearly made attempts to signal interest, smiling and making eye contact, but it seems the dynamic has reached a standoff. When someone is that nervous or intimidated, overt flirting can sometimes backfire they may feel more pressure or retreat further. The interesting thing here is that his avoidance and overcompensation going out of his way to not look at you, walking around you, or being louder around you are actually unconscious ways of trying to navigate his feelings without being vulnerable. He’s interested, but he’s stuck in fear and hesitation.

The best approach now is to continue focusing on your own life and maintaining professional boundaries, which you’ve already begun doing. By not changing your routine or chasing him, you reduce the pressure and give him the psychological space to act when he feels safe. People often need permission to approach, and in this case, permission comes from seeing that you’re approachable without directly pursuing him. Your calm, confident presence and clear signals of your own self-respect create the most inviting space for him to make the first move.

He might never become bold enough to initiate, or he might surprise you when he does feel ready. Your energy and focus should remain on your work, your life, and maintaining a positive, engaging demeanor. That way, if he does gather the courage, he’ll be stepping into a space of mutual respect and interest rather than a pressured or tense dynamic. In short: you’ve done enough to signal interest; now let the universe and his courage play out.

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