I thought I did the right thing by leaving my husband about 7 months ago. I was staying strong and just really not facing what I was truly feeling. Now after all this time I feel again and it hurts like no other pain I have ever felt. I have expressed how I feel to my husband and I can’t really read him like I used to. I know he has been dating and also having relations with other woman but I still really want him back. I made a mistake. I am not saying we didn’t have problems because we certainly did but after being with someone for 17 years it difficult to just think they will never be apart of it again in an intimate way.
I guess I should say here that we have been intimate with another since we split but I am not sure if it has the same emotional impact on him as it does for me. Men are different in that respect anyway. I feel a little bit like an idiot because I have truly let down my walls and have been way to honest with him. I think I am scaring him but I don’t want to stop trying. We talk but it is very vague on his part. He says he needs time to process and all I want is an instant response and him to just take me back into his arms and say lets start over, I love you.
I am not sure that will happen and I will be devastated. It was me that said I waned a divorce and he didn’t even see it coming. I feel awful I should have thought it through more but one day it just came out. Neither one of us has filed the divorce papers in the past 7 months that we have been separated. They are complete but neither one of us is taking the step to move it forward.
I know when you want something you should go after it but what I don’t know is hard I should try. If I don’t try to the best of my ability he certainly will be gone forever right? This is new to me. When you have been with the same person for 17 years then you split with no intention of getting back together, then to only realize you are so in love with him and he is all you ever wanted and want. What do you do?
So very confused…..
