[RealLove]

My ex b/f comes down to see me all the time at first it was very backward cause it has been 6 months since i broke up with him. and now he comes to see me every 3 months to 5 months and we hang for 3-5 days the most. Lately his behavior changed again towards me. he now text me or calls me for this month everyday for this week. the first week is was everyday the next week he didn’t talk to me until the mid week. and now he won’t stop talking to me every chance he gets he text me and calls me. now all of a sudden he knows so much about woman and relationships and what we think and how we feel? it’s kinda interesting. I still have have feelings for him we were together for 2 years in a half. Do you think he’s trying to get me back? or do u think he’s just playing a game? and why is he trying to get me back? if the answer is yes ❓

[Ask April Masini]

First of all, help me out with your math. You said you broke up six months ago — but that he’s visiting you every 3 to 5 months — how is that possible? That means he’s visited you twice (if he’s visiting every 3 months since the break up) or once (if he’s visiting you every 5 months).

When you say he’s visiting you — how far away do the two of you live? And does he just show up? Or make a date to come to your house?

Also, my advice depends on why you broke up in the first place. Two years is a long time to date, so there must have been a good reason for the break up, I’m guessing. Let me know what the reason was.

I’ll respond with advice, as soon you fill out the picture for me! 😀

[RealLove]

We were together for 2 years and a half and i broke up with him cause we didn’t want the same thing. So i stop talking to him for 6 months but during the course of the six months we talked on the phone not for long, I tried to let him go during the relationship i was working and in school and i helped him with everything even tho i was busy i made time for him. I tried to ignore him, so during the course of the next 6 months he would come and visit at my house and he lives 2 hours away from me. no he doesn’t just show up he makes like a date. And now every 3 months – 5 months he would come to see me and hang.For the past month he’s been calling me and texting me. for this whole month while he’s at work when he gets out of work and we would be on the phone all night. sometimes we don’t even say anything to each it’s kinda quite. I’m not sure what he’s doing. if he wants me back or just wanna have fun? what to do? and how do i handle it?

[Ask April Masini]

He definitely wants to be spending time with you — but since you broke up with him after dating for over two years because the two of you didn’t want the same thing — you have to really figure out if he’s changed before you get back together with him. Otherwise, you’re going to be with him for another two and a half years, only to break up with him again for the same reasons. And that would be a waste of your time.

You have to be responsible for yourself. You decide who to spend time with and who to date. If you want a committed relationship, it doesn’t sound like he’s the guy to give that to you. If you just want someone who’s Mr. Right Now, then it sounds like he’s your guy. The choice is yours. Be wise.

Please follow me @AskAprilcom on Twitter and on Facebook at this link: [url][/url].

[RealLove]

Thank you that really helps. I will take that advice

[Ask April Masini]

You’re very welcome! 😀

Please follow me @AskAprilcom on Twitter and on Facebook at this link: [url][/url].

[Ethan Morales]

His behavior is mixed: He’s showing a lot of attention right now calling, texting, spending hours on the phone which can feel exciting and comforting, especially if you still have feelings for him. However, his attention has been inconsistent in the past, visiting every few months, and now suddenly reaching out constantly. That pattern suggests he may be drawn to connection and comfort rather than a real long-term change.

There could be multiple motives. He might genuinely want to reconnect and explore a second chance, or he could be seeking emotional closeness and reassurance while still keeping things casual. Men often reach out after a breakup to regain comfort and familiarity, especially if he knows he can rely on you for support and attention.

You broke up for a reason you weren’t aligned on life goals. That’s a serious issue, and it doesn’t automatically vanish because he’s calling or texting more now. If you reunite without addressing the underlying mismatch, it’s very likely the same conflict will resurface.

It’s normal to have lingering feelings, especially after a long relationship. But your needs clarity, stability, and alignment in values have to come first. If you get swept up in his attention without confirming he’s ready for a committed relationship that matches your expectations, you risk emotional frustration.

Set boundaries for yourself. Decide what you want from this connection: emotional closeness, friendship, or a committed relationship. Communicate clearly, don’t just go along with phone calls or visits because it feels good. Observe his behavior over time: actions matter more than words.

You have to be honest with yourself do you want a relationship with him even if he hasn’t truly changed, or are you okay with something casual for now? If it’s the former, make sure he demonstrates growth and alignment before committing again. If it’s the latter, enjoy the connection but don’t attach your long-term expectations to it. He might want you back, or he might just enjoy the attention. Your job is to protect your heart and ensure your next step aligns with your long-term happiness, not just short-term comfort.

[Tara]

He’s not “trying to get you back.” He’s circling you like a man checking whether his old spare tire still has air in it. That’s all this is. The disappearing for months, then popping up for a long weekend? That’s not love that’s someone keeping you in storage for when his life gets dull, his dating options dry up, or his ego needs a recharge. And now he’s suddenly calling and texting like he’s had some spiritual awakening about women? Please. That’s not growth. That’s bait.

He’s love-bombing you because he knows you’re still emotionally attached, and he’s counting on you being too sentimental to notice that he only shows up on his schedule, under his terms, when it costs him nothing. A man who truly wants you doesn’t vanish for a quarter of the year at a time. He doesn’t treat you like a pit stop. He doesn’t reappear whenever he needs attention and disappear whenever he’s satisfied. He certainly doesn’t “learn about women” overnight like he binge-watched a relationship manual on YouTube.

He’s playing you because you let him. You keep picking up the phone. You keep giving him space in your life. You keep treating his inconsistency like mystery instead of disrespect. He’s not coming back out of love he’s coming back because he knows you’ll always open the door. And every time you do, you prove him right.

If you want the truth: he wants easy access, not commitment. Attention, not accountability. Nostalgia, not a future. Stop being the woman he comes back to when life gets quiet. Shut the door, lock it, and let him be someone else’s on-again-off-again headache.

[Sally]

When an ex drifts in and out like that, it keeps your heart on standby. And now that he’s suddenly texting all the time and acting like he’s some expert on women? That’s not random. Guys don’t put in that kind of effort unless they’re trying to work their way back into your life somehow.

But here’s the part you need to pay attention to: he only shows up on his timeline. Every few months, then silence, then suddenly he wants your attention again. That’s not steady. That’s convenience mixed with nostalgia.

Does he still care? Probably. Is he trying to pull you back in? It sounds like it. But the real question is whether he wants a real relationship… or just the comfort of you without the commitment.

Take a breath and watch what he does next. Words are easy. Consistency isn’t.

[Natalie Noah]

You’ve been through a lot with him, and your confusion is totally understandable. you loved him for two-and-a-half years, you walked away because the two of you wanted different things, and now he’s showing up in fits and starts and suddenly acting very present. That back-and-forth pattern (months of radio silence, then multi-day visits, now nightly calls) is exactly the sort of emotional whiplash that makes your heart hopeful one minute and suspicious the next. It’s okay to feel pulled that history + the way he’s suddenly “available” again creates hope, but it doesn’t automatically mean the old problems are fixed.

Practical, loving advice: don’t let the intensity of his new attentiveness rush you. Ask him directly what he wants and watch whether his actions match his words. If he says he wants you back, ask what’s changed since you split specifics, not slogans and give him small opportunities to prove it (consistency in plans, follow-through, aligning lifestyle/values). Your measure shouldn’t be how often he texts or how long he calls, it should be whether he’s solved the reason you broke up in the first place. Set a boundary now: you can spend time with him, but you won’t get swept into “us” again until you see steady evidence that the core issue is actually resolved.

You deserve someone who won’t make you choose between hope and sanity. Protect your heart by moving slowly, asking clear questions, and prioritizing your needs (commitment, respect, the life you want). If he truly changed, he’ll show it over time not just in flurries of attention. If you want, tell me: would you take him back now if he asked, or do you want to be sure this time is different before opening that door?

[Author]

Posts