[Help]

Okay, it’s been the most painful, heartbreaking experience of my life with this woman. I’ve cried more over her than I have at all the combined funerals I’ve been to! I just can’t seem to let her go. Here’s what is happening:

We met at the pub and she initiated the kissing. We were both drunk. After a while she asked if she could sleep with me. I was a little shocked because I’ve never slept with somebody so soon. The morning after…. she said “don’t fall in love with me”. I tried to ignore that comment and we kept sleeping with each other and meeting for coffee for another few weeks. I have to admit that I am in love with this woman to the point where I can’t sleep, eat or think of anyone else. I’ve met all of her friends (They, like her, are from Eastern Europe and all live and work in England Permanantly).

Here’s the problem. She said “I love you” in a way that seemed to disturb her. Like she knew this would ruin everything. When I heard her say it, I was thrilled. She was returning my feelings! A few days later…. we meet by the river and she has a face of stone. She tells me that she has no feelings for me anymore. She says that she’s changing all the time. Anyway, we talked for hours and I swallow my pride and agree to be her friend – though I still love her. Yes I was tearful because I didn’t understand what had happened.

A few days later I ask her why she has not been in contact and she replies “I don’t want to hurt you”. We eventually meet for a coffee a few days later and we talk. She was still emotionless towards me but came back to my flat to collect her stuff. We spoke and then she went to my bedroom to get her PJs and saw my new bed sheets. She said “I haven’t been in these sheets yet” and dived onto my bed and stayed there for a few seconds!

Everytime we say goodbye we hug for a good 5 to 10 seconds and she kisses me once on the neck.

Facts about her and I:

I saw her last on Thursday 28th April. She’ seems to be avoiding all contact apart from a “not today” text on Sunday.

When I saw her last she again asked me if I wanted to go to Spain with her and her friends in September and shyly said that she would stay there for two weeks if I went.

I know that she has slept with many men that she has met on her wide travels around the world.

When she’s at the pub with her friends she gets very drunk and crazy on the dance floor.

She was infatuated with an older man that she met but never actually spoke to him before I met her. I caught her talking to him in the pub one night. She was very close but when he asked her if she had a boyfriend she nodded yes. PHEW! She doesn’t know what she wants with this man and isn’t interested in pursuing a relationship with him. All she knows is that he is on her mind when she is with me and that disgusted her for feeling that way.

When she sleeps at my flat and she’s drunk…. she cries and rambles about disturbing things. For example, she doesn’t know what to do with her life and doesn’t care if she dies. She calls herself a piece of meat.

She was with an ex-boyfriend for 8 years in her home country and started to get physical and told her that she couldn’t see her friends….. I never tell her what she can or can’t do.

She doesn’t want to go back to her home country. Last time she did, a few weeks before we actually met, she slept with her ex-boyfriend because she” wanted sex”.

When we are together she tells me that she considers me one of her best friends.

We laid in bed once and she told me to sleep with more people and asked if we could still be friends afterwards. She was adamant that we would not sleep together again if I slept with another woman.

She goes to the same pub as me though I avoided it last Saturday. I didn’t want to get drunk and make an emotional scene. I saw all the photos of that night on Facebook and she was her usual self….. drunk, crazy, not an ounce of sadness in her eyes.

I know I should move on but I have never felt so in love before. I sometimes feel like I have to save her from herself. She doesn’t want saving though. She’s like a cat…. sometimes affectionate, sometimes without a care in the world.

Please help me. X

[April Masini, your AskApril]

Don’t die! 😉 Do something better and try and understand that you got involved with someone who took the male role in the relationship. She led you into it and told you when it was over.

Now, she’s playing with you again, and until [b]you[/b] decide to take charge of your life and only date women who are available to you, you’re going to be miserable. Getting out of this situation you’re in will take some work on your part. You’re going to have to readjust your behavior and the way you think about dating.

I suggest you read Date Out of Your League, [url]https://www.askapril.com/relationship-dating-advice/date-out-of-your-league.html[/url], so you understand how to get the woman you want — and not fall prey to those who will use you and toss you aside.

I hope that helps! Let me know how things go, and please follow me @AskAprilcom on Twitter.

[dante1067]

Difficult to get over… yes. I know I should do my best to move on and ignore her but your revelation about her taking the male role is a kick up the backside for me. I did everything to avoid an arguement with her and wanted to be somebody she could trust. If she asks me out for a coffee again….. things will have to change. It will be the hardest thing in the world for me to do….. but I MUST NOT get in contact with her until she contacts me. And if she does…. I won’t be eager to please her. I’m already looking for another date.

I’ll keep you posted on what’s happening.

Thanks’ for replying so soon X

[dante1067]

LATEST UPDATE.

She just text me to tell me this “I’m sorry but I am with Jef”. This is the much older guy she liked before we got together. At least now she can’t sh*t all over my life again. I pity this man because I know he is kind hearted like me and has been single for years. If he falls in love with her…. and she does the same to him as she did to me….. she’ll get a reputation and make a lot of enemies. I just hope I never see her again. What a coward, dumping me by text!

She could have told me on Thursday last week.

Come on Mr Karma…. do your stuff.

[April Masini, your AskApril]

Karma is only as good as the energy you put into your life. I hope you’ll take my advice and read Date Out of Your League: [url]https://www.askapril.com/relationship-dating-advice/date-out-of-your-league.html[/url]. You have to be willing to do the work to make the changes in your own life rather than lying back and waiting for karma to kick in. Remember I told you you’d taken the female role? Well, take the male role now, and read the book as a tool to take on the dating game — and win this time! 🙂

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