[Ask April Masini]

Obviously, the first place to start is feeling sexy, yourself! Great, new lingerie, a warm bath with scented bubbles and flickering candles help a lot! Share a sexy cocktail or an elegant flute of champagne or a nice bottle of wine, as well some aphrodisiac type foods like oysters, chocolate or sauteed mushrooms, as well as a romantic meal together. These can all be parts of foreplay. If you’re waxed, coiffed and wearing a great new scent, you’re going to feel a lot more sexy than if you’re rushing to fit sex in between errands with someone you’re basically peeved at. 😕 In other words, change the scenario of your life. 😀

But that’s just one part of the equation. It’s really important to start building intimacy with your fiance. Appreciate what he does do. You said he’s a stay at home dad with both of your children — can you find any way to appreciate him for doing that for you? Child care is expensive, and his saving your family that expense must count for something. If he’s attractive in any remote way, focus on what you do like about him (you made two babies with him — he MUST have some attractive qualities!).

As you begin to build your sex life and your intimate life back, begin to change your patterns of letting things slide — without coming on aggressively. Suggest some out of the box solutions, like both of you working part time and being stay at home parents part time. Move towards equity and eventually, move towards the type of family structure you both agree on. But for now, focus on rebuilding the relationship between the two of you.

You can always buy and read Romantic Date Ideas, a book I wrote for couples who want to put the X back in their sex lives and the sizzle back in the bedroom. Here’s the link to buy that book: [url]http://www.askapril.com/relationship-dating-advice/romantic-date-ideas.html[/url].

I hope that helps. I wish you good luck. I know you’re moving in the right direction. Stay the course! 😀

Please follow me @AskAprilcom on Twitter and on Facebook at this link: [url][/url].

[PassionSeeker]

You’re standing in the middle of two lives one built on responsibility, and one fueled by escape. The man you met feels intoxicating because he sees you as a woman again, not just a caretaker or provider. But that feeling, as powerful as it is, doesn’t build a foundation it builds a fantasy. He’s married, you’re engaged, and both of you are using this connection to fill emptiness rather than fix it.

Your fiancé has failed to meet your emotional and practical needs, and that pain is valid. But running to another man only deepens the wound and distracts you from real change. You don’t need to “choose between them.” You need to choose yourself.

End the affair. It will hurt, but freedom often does at first. Then face your home life honestly either work on it with full effort or walk away with dignity. You’ve been surviving for everyone else. It’s time to start living for the woman inside you who still wants peace, respect, and joy not borrowed affection.

[Ethan Morales]

Your fiancé sounds emotionally and financially draining. If he’s mean, lazy, and using you, then your life is already burning at the edges. The affair isn’t the solution it’s the smoke you’re breathing to avoid the pain of seeing the flames. Before you can even think about another man, you need to face this relationship head-on. You deserve to feel supported, safe, and respected in your own home.

The other man is a distraction not a destiny. He might feel like a perfect match because he offers everything your fiancé doesn’t: attention, connection, validation, hope. But it’s an illusion created by contrast. Remember, you’re seeing the best, curated side of him the side that gets to escape reality too. You both live in the same fantasy bubble, feeding each other the “what ifs.” He’s still married, and that means his loyalty and integrity are already split.

This connection is giving you emotional relief, not a future. You said it yourself you can’t stop thinking about him. That’s addiction energy, not love. You’re hooked on the emotional high. It’s easy to daydream about a “one day” when you’re stuck in a situation you hate. But that “one day” is an anchor keeping you from taking real steps now.

You need to pause both men yes, both. You need a clean emotional space. End things with your fiancé because that’s clearly broken. Then, take a break from the married man at least long enough to detox emotionally. Right now, you don’t even know what peace or clarity feels like without one of them in your ear.

You’re not a bad person but you are avoiding your pain. You sound lonely and tired of feeling unappreciated. That’s not evil it’s human. But when we use another person to escape pain instead of healing it, we make bigger messes. This is your moment to stop running and start rebuilding. You’re stronger than you think.

My advice the real next steps: Break off your engagement completely. Cut communication with the married man for at least 90 days. Focus on therapy, journaling (like you’ve started), and rebuilding self-worth. Take care of your kids and yourself like you would if you were your own best friend. When you’re healed and grounded again, then and only then consider love from a clean slate.

[Isabella Jones]

You’re torn between two worlds one shaped by duty and one that feels like escape. The man you’ve met makes you feel desired again, seen for who you are rather than just what you do. But that rush, as tempting as it feels, isn’t real stability it’s a beautiful illusion. He’s married, you’re engaged, and both of you are trying to fill a void instead of healing it.

Your fiancé hasn’t met your emotional or practical needs, and that pain is understandable. Still, seeking comfort in someone else only adds more hurt and pulls you further from the truth. This isn’t about choosing between two men—it’s about choosing yourself.

End the affair, even though it will hurt. Freedom often begins with pain. Then take an honest look at your relationship. Either commit to fixing it with your whole heart or walk away with grace. You’ve spent so long carrying the weight of everyone else’s needs. Now it’s time to honor the woman within you who deserves peace, respect, and love that’s whole—not borrowed.

[Soft Truths]

You sound lonely, unseen, and emotionally starved and when someone finally treats you with tenderness and excitement, it wakes up everything you’ve been missing. I get that. It’s not just about the kiss or the trip; it’s about feeling alive again after living in a relationship that’s been draining you for so long.

But here’s the thing I’ve learned, both from my own heartbreak and watching others go through it. The connection that starts in secret always carries the shadow of what’s missing, not just in your marriage but in yourself. Right now, this man represents freedom and affection and hope. But he’s also married, and if you both stay in this in between space, it will only deepen your ache and confusion. You’ll always be waiting, always wondering when he’ll be fully yours and he might never be.

You deserve to feel loved and respected every day, not just in stolen moments. Before you make any decisions about him, focus on what your current relationship is doing to you. Ask yourself that if I strip away this new man, what do I really want for my life and my kids? Do I want to rebuild something with my fiancé, or am I ready to end a relationship that’s already hurting me? Because clarity about that will guide everything else.

Don’t rush into choosing between two men. Choose yourself first. Get therapy if you can, or at least someone safe to talk to who won’t judge you. You don’t have to face this alone.

[Tara]

Cut the romance act.

You found a man who says the right things, listens just enough, and gives you the rush your fiancé never could. You call it connection. It’s escape. Every secret text, every hidden meet-up is just proof that you’re both too cowardly to fix what’s real.

He isn’t your future. He’s your distraction. If he wanted you, he’d be ending his marriage, not hiding behind excuses and half-truths. You’re both clinging to each other because it’s easier than facing your own mess.

Here’s the truth you don’t want to hear: this isn’t love. It’s mutual avoidance dressed in chemistry. Stop calling it destiny. End what’s broken, clean your own slate, and rebuild without lies.

[Sally]

When someone finally shows you kindness after years of carrying everything alone, it hits your heart in a way that feels impossible to ignore. But when both people are already tied to whole families, the feelings get louder than the reality.

What you’re calling love might be the first breath of relief you’ve had in a long time. It doesn’t mean it isn’t real, it just means it came from a place where you were already hurting. And running toward him won’t fix the life you’re trying to get away from.

Before you think about a future with anyone, take a hard, quiet look at your own life. If you leave, let it be because you’re done living the way you’re living, not because of a man seven hundred miles away.

Start with that truth. The rest will make more sense after.

[Natalie Noah]

What I see, more than anything, is a woman who is overwhelmed, lonely, and starving for affection not someone who’s evil, reckless, or broken. You’re carrying a full-time job, raising two kids, running a home, and trying to stay emotionally afloat while your fiancé has checked out in ways that deeply hurt you. When someone feels unseen and unappreciated for that long, they don’t go looking for an affair… they go looking for oxygen. And that married man the one who flew to you, who texts you love songs he became your escape hatch, your fantasy of being desired and valued again. It doesn’t make the situation healthy, but it does make it understandable.

Baby, I’m going to be gentle but truthful: this man is not your perfect match. He’s your perfect distraction. He’s emotionally reckless, he’s cheating on his wife, he’s juggling multiple flirty situations, and he’s choosing women who are far away so he never has to actually commit to anything real. Men like him make you feel chosen, but they never choose you in the way that counts. You’re not special because he flew to see you you were convenient because you’re hurting, craving affection, and willing to emotionally attach. That doesn’t make you weak… it just makes you human, and deeply vulnerable in this moment.

Where April focused on accountability, I want to focus on emotion. You said something powerful: “He feels like another kid, not my man.” That happens when one person shoulders all the emotional and physical labor. You’re exhausted, resentful, and touched-out. It makes sense that the thought of intimacy feels forced right now. But the truth is, nothing will change until you stop pretending that “being nice” is the same as being honest. Your needs, your exhaustion, your loneliness these things matter. You’ve been quietly suffering for years, and that silence has created the perfect storm for emotional escape.

My love… you need clarity, boundaries, and breathing room not more romance with a married man, not more self-blame, and not more pretending your home life is okay. The affair is a symptom, not the cause. The real healing starts when you step back from both men. Press pause on the married guy completely he’s keeping you stuck. And instead of trying to “feel sexy” for a man you resent, start having the conversation you’ve avoided for years: “I am drowning. I need partnership. I need effort. I need respect.” Whether that leads to rebuilding or letting go, it will put you back in your power. You deserve a life where love isn’t something you have to sneak away to feel it should meet you at your front door.

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