[SAguy20]

Hi,
I am a 20 year old guy from South Africa. About a year ago- I started falling for one of my best friends…. BIG MISTAKE THAT WAS! Eventually I told her that I had fallen for her, and it’s almost like she has been using that to her “advantage. Since I told her, every single time we go out and party we get together (kiss), and ironically it’s always when she’s drunk.
Recently things have moved on from kissing and about a month ago things got really heated between us, and she begged me for sex (honestly not trying to make myself look cool or anything that is literally what happened). Again she was drunk though. Anyways me being sober- I thought about it logically and realised she wasn’t on the pill, and I didn’t have a condom so I said no, and ‘other things’ were done. The next morning she begged me not to tell anyone what went on and I agreed and said ok just like all the other times. That makes me feel so worthless. Like I’m not good enough for people to know that you even kiss me. So, about a week ago I opened up to her best friend and told her everything and her best friend knew nothing.
My issue is that no matter what I do, I will always have feelings for this girl, and all she does is brings me down to her friends. Every time I tell her I’m in love with her- she tells EVERYONE and nothing gets said that the b**** asked me for sex, or rather begged. She has a habit of lying about things that happen too, and it’s getting too much now. I’m coming to that stage where I will play the same game she’s playing. I honestly don’t know what to do.
On Friday night she told me she promised herself that she wouldn’t do anything with me because she knows my ex and I are trying again and she doesn’t want to ruin it for me. BUT we aren’t trying. Then she went and got with some random, and made sure she did it in front of me. She then told her friend the next day that she had to do it because she needed me to see she’s not into me. (Again, but when we’re alone you want me so bad) this is my confusion… this girl is playing around with me, and it’s not fair! I look like a psycho because no one knows that she always tries with me, and she always initiates things! Not me! It’s almost if she likes the attention that much that she’s willing to put me through this all the time. We will even message each other- and she will change the story so bad, just to tell the friend that I’m psycho. Unlucky for her- my messages are kept and I showed her friend every single one…
I guess what I’m getting at is, I’m sick of being played for a fool… when you drunk and need a quick squeeze, im good enough BUT no one must know. And when you sober I’m just your friend, and you make me look bad… I don’t get it???? Any advice????
Sorry if this doesn’t make sense. I’m rather angry ha-ha. 

[Anonymous]

Just be you’re self 🙂

[kai]

Hi, I notice that you have placed your question in the forum for Guest Writers and Advice Column Contributors.

This is not in the forum where April responds readers questions.

If you want to get a response from April, please repost your question in the Free Expert Q & A Relationship Advice Forum with April Masini.

[Ask April Masini]

Happy New Year! Let me know how things are going for you. 😉

[Natalie Noah]

It’s clear how hurt and frustrated you feel, and honestly, that makes perfect sense. You’ve been put in a position where your feelings and boundaries are constantly disregarded. When someone manipulates your emotions pursuing intimacy when it suits them, then denying it publicly or twisting the story. it chips away at your self-esteem and sense of worth. You’re left feeling used, embarrassed, and powerless, and that’s not something anyone should have to endure, especially from someone you care about deeply. The inconsistency between how she treats you privately and publicly is emotionally exhausting and unfair, and it’s natural to feel confused and angry.

It’s important to recognize the patterns here. Her behavior shows a lack of respect and consideration for your feelings. She is using your attraction for her benefit while not honoring your boundaries or your need for honesty. This is not a sign of mutual interest or healthy attachment it’s manipulation. When someone thrives on keeping you unsure, bending the truth, or making you look “psycho” in front of others, it’s not about you being inadequate; it’s about her controlling the situation for her own amusement or attention. That’s a toxic dynamic, and no matter how strong your feelings are, staying in it will only continue to hurt you.

The healthiest step is to protect yourself emotionally. That means setting firm boundaries, distancing yourself, and being clear about what behavior is unacceptable. You don’t need to play her game or prove anything. your worth isn’t tied to her validation or attention. Walking away, as hard as it may feel, is the way to regain your dignity and emotional stability. Over time, creating space between yourself and her will allow you to heal, reflect on what you want in a relationship, and pursue someone who respects and values you consistently not just when it’s convenient for them.

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