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I discovered my husband of 35 years has been cheating on me with a so called family friend. I have been betrayed, hurt, and deceived by them both. I keep discovering more truths on my own ony because I have been vigilent at learning them. He has not seen or spoke to her for a year and a half but since he has been so dishonest for so long – not sure what or who to trust. The other woman’s husband called mine the other week to tell him he may be involved in a court case as he has some issues he wants to clear up. Of course this puts me on the rollercoaster ride again not knowing what is next – but I did tell my husband I want to be present to hear what is said via on phone or court room.

[April Masini, your AskApril]

Infidelity can break a marriage, but it doesn’t have to. That said, you have to do the work to get past the hurt — and even then, time is necessary to heal the wound.

Talk to your husband about WHY he cheated on you. Be brutally honest with yourself about any part you played in this scenario. If you’ve been married for 35 years, he can’t be all bad. If the reason for his cheating was something you can understand and forgive, you can get past this. If he can understand how he hurt you and and if he wants to have you in his life and renew his commitment to you, then you can get past this.

Go to court with your husband, as difficult as this will be, it’s important you are together to hear what’s going on with this other couple. Try not to be reactive (a hard task!), and just listen.

Allow your husband to comfort you and be gentle on yourself as you decide what to do. Don’t make rash decisions. Be thoughtful and if you have questions, ask them.

I hope that helps. Let me know how things go. And join me @AskAprilcom (no dot) on Twitter, and on Facebook at this link: [url][/url].

[Member]

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