[Emilyrockhart]

Hi April. A small update from my previous crush on a guy – I got over him months ago now! 😀

Anyway, I have new feelings surfacing, and it’s with a guy I’ve been friends with since Grade 9, and it’s around the holidays and aftergraduating fron High School that we both started chatting and seeing each other more often. I had on and off crushes with him back then, and always dismiss them as being irrational of me and that he’s probably more interested in studying (he gets good grades) than getting into a relationship. He’s invited me out for a dinner once with his Martial Arts club, and also with family months ago, and I have also invited him over for my family’s Christmas lunch, dad’s birthday, and a recent pool party with a different group of friends but he got along with them nicely. These invitations were fairly recent compared to the invites he gave me long ago. We also begun texting & chatting online more frequently. He even initiates some of them, unlike back then when I’m usually the one finding him sitting in that corner in the canteen working on his assignments (there are certain times when he is actually free enough to find me as well, but it is not frequent)

Now I’m really not sure if I should be developing feelings for him. He’s getting conscripted into the army around the month of May (but this may be pushed back earlier so he doesn’t miss the time frame of applying to college) I should also probably let him do the chasing, but I don’t know what signs to give him when we’re texting and all. He probably still thinks of me as a close friend only. Is there a way to get out of a friend zone with a guy without risking our friendship at all? Because he’s one of the few high school people that I seen in the future where we can still be in contact, and not get distanced out by our different fields of work. I also think our friendship is among the lines of Platonic love, but what do you think?

Thanks for your time, and happy 2012!

[Ask April Masini]

It’s finally time….. for you to buy and read Think & Date Like A Man! You’re asking a lot of good questions — but they’re all questions about how to get started in dating, and I can touch on them here, but you really need to get the book I wrote for women who want to date well. 😀 It’s called Think & Date Like A Man, and you can buy it as an automatic download on this link: [url]https://www.askapril.com/relationship-dating-advice/think-and-date-like-a-man.html[/url]. You can also buy it at the websites for Barnes & Noble and Amazon.

Getting out of the friend zone is easiest done — by not being in the friend zone in the first place. 😉 I know that sounds simple, but when men and women befriend each other, one person always likes the other person more, and there is often confusion and frustration like this — and worse. So stop being his friend.

Next, you have to learn how to communicate your interest. There is a plethora of this information in Think & Date Like A Man, and I really want you to buy it and read it, so you’ll have the big advantage when it comes to getting the guy you want. 😀

Please let me know if this helps, and how things go. And read the book! It’s only $8.99 and it helps support this free advice site.

Follow me @AskAprilcom on Twitter and on Facebook at this link: [url][/url].

[Emilyrockhart]

I’ve bought the book and read it (finally!) Actually, most of the things in there had been what brief advice my own mom gave to me during my teen years too! It’s just that I didn’t have it in the form of a book, and also the extra advice on *ehem* copulation.

I also realised that I sure am not ready for the dating game :S even if I had scored 7/10 in the mini quiz, it almost seems as though I need a massive change in lifestyle. I make a terrible saleswoman, among other things. For now, I’m actually satisfied with just staying in the friend zone, because I have put up with these types of frustrations before with other guys in my old hometown.

Do you think my current decision is good, or it could’ve been better? Also, I know how the guys need to be the one chasing, but does it matter if I’m the one starting conversations sometimes? Such as switching topics after a pause, asking how was their day, casual small talk etc…

[JackB]

If men and women couldn’t be “just friends,” I would have had a very lonely experience in college– I majored in elementary education, and as such, I was the only guy in my class for about three years. Obviously I wasn’t dating all of the women in my class, but I was “just friends” with quite few of them, and it didn’t lead to any problems.
And now, years later, my best friend is female. For years, we hung out, went to dinner, movies, museums, etc, and we’ve never dated each other (though we each dated other people during our friendship.)
I think that not being friends with somebody just because they’re of the opposite gender is really shortchanging yourself.

[Ask April Masini]

First of all, in response to [b]emilyrockhart[/b]:

[quote]Do you think my current decision is good, or it could’ve been better?[/quote]

I think it could be better. 😕 I know you say you’re a terrible saleswoman — but the truth is that you’re not supposed to transform over night. Any change in behavior is a process and takes time, so if you’re looking for a quick fix this isn’t it. But if you’re looking for a fix that sticks, then roll up your sleeves and start the work — in the right direction.

[quote] Also, I know how the guys need to be the one chasing, but does it matter if I’m the one starting conversations sometimes? Such as switching topics after a pause, asking how was their day, casual small talk etc…[/quote]

Oh, you can start conversations or switch topics. I don’t think that that makes you someone who chases men. What I’m referring to is asking guys out, calling them first, approaching men you don’t know first, etc.

And in response to [b]JackB[/b]: I’m very glad you’ve had a good experience, but I promise you that at least some of those women you’ve been friends with have had crushes on you and have spent a lot more time (and heartache) trying to figure out how to get things to the next level with you, then you can even imagine. 😉

Please follow me @AskAprilcom on Twitter and on Facebook at this link: [url][/url].

[Emilyrockhart]

[quote=”JackB”]I think that not being friends with somebody just because they’re of the opposite gender is really shortchanging yourself.[/quote]

I do have good friends of the opposite gender too, it’s just that I’ve developed feelings for this particular one. In fact, I think having the opposite gender as friends can really help you open your mind to a lot of things, so it’s good to keep them 🙂

[b]April[/b], previously you said that I have to learn how to communicate my interest. Do you mean the passionate part of me, as in the one that loves writing and painting that I can go on and on about them, or how I should flirt around with him? Which part in the book specifically has info on flirting?

[Ask April Masini]

Did you read the book?

[Emilyrockhart]

I did. I must’ve skimmed through the sex part as it still feels like new territory for me, sorry bout that.

[Ask April Masini]

I don’t mean to be pushy — I just think that if you read this, carefully, you’ll find a lot of answers. 😀

[Ethan Morales]

You’ve clearly developed feelings for him, and he’s always been friendly and involved in your life in a positive way. The fact that he’s invited you to family events and social outings shows he values your presence and enjoys your company. That said, being friendly and being romantically interested are two separate things and right now, it sounds like he mostly sees you as a close friend.

The “friend zone” is real, but it’s also a mindset. If you want him to see you as a potential romantic partner, you can’t continue purely as a friend that dynamic signals comfort and platonic love, which can prevent romantic attraction from forming. You have to subtly shift the energy between you.

Since you’ll be texting and chatting online, start incorporating light, playful flirtation and teasing. Compliment him in a way that’s more personal and romantic, and occasionally show subtle physical interest when in person (smiling, leaning in slightly, casual touches). These cues help him reframe how he sees you without putting your friendship at risk.

Let him do some of the chasing, but also create situations where he has the opportunity to step up. Invite him to one-on-one outings that are less “friendly” and more like casual dates coffee, a walk, or an activity you both enjoy so the context shifts naturally.

Be mindful of the timeline his conscription into the army is coming, which may compress the time he has to explore feelings or relationships. Use this as motivation to subtly escalate interest now, so he’s aware of the romantic potential before he leaves.

Your friendship is strong, which is a great foundation, but if you want a romantic relationship, you need to reframe how he experiences you. Gradually introduce flirtation, create situations that signal romantic interest, and balance being approachable with maintaining some emotional independence. This way, you’re giving him the chance to see you as more than a friend while preserving the connection you both value.

[Tara]

You’re hiding behind the friendship because you don’t have the guts to deal with the possibility he doesn’t want you back. That’s the entire story. You’ve known him for years, you’ve been orbiting him forever, you’ve carried a crush you kept pretending wasn’t a crush, and now you’re acting shocked that you’re still stuck in the same spot. You didn’t get friend-zoned you parked yourself there.

All these invitations, texting, hanging out with each other’s families… that’s not some subtle romantic dance. That’s you doing all the work while he enjoys the attention and gives you nothing decisive in return. If he wanted you, you wouldn’t be sitting here trying to decode every interaction like it’s a secret message. Men aren’t that complicated. When they want something, they go for it. When they don’t, they coast and let you drag the connection along.

And stop using his army conscription as an emotional shield. That’s not wisdom that’s cowardice dressed up like logic. You’re scared to make a move, so you’re pretending timing is the enemy instead of your lack of action. You’re asking for a magical solution where you confess nothing, risk nothing, and somehow get everything. That doesn’t exist. You don’t “escape” the friend zone without putting something on the line. You either step up, or you stay exactly where you are: the safe, convenient friend he never has to think about twice.

So here’s your choice without the sugarcoating:
Take the risk, tell him you’re interested, and deal with whatever comes next like an adult.
Or keep playing the supportive buddy while he eventually dates someone who actually had the courage to do what you’re too scared to do.
Either way, stop pretending this is complicated. You’re the one refusing to move.

[Sally]

It’s sweet when an old friend suddenly feels a little… different. And honestly, nothing you wrote sounds irrational. It just sounds like two people who’ve gotten closer now that school is over and life feels a little more open.

But here’s the thing you don’t have to decide anything right now. He’s heading into the army soon, and that alone can make feelings feel louder or messier. Sometimes timing makes everything look more dramatic than it actually is.

If you want him to do the chasing, just keep being warm. Don’t push. Don’t over-text. Let him be the one to lean in a little. If he likes you back, he’ll make it known guys usually do when the door feels open but not forced.

And no… there’s no way to leave the friend zone without risking the friendship at all. You just choose whether the risk feels worth it. Sometimes it is. Sometimes it isn’t. You’ll feel the answer when you’re ready.

Happy new year, and breathe you’re not messing anything up.

[Natalie Noah]

The connection you have with this boy is real, warm, and built over years, which is why it feels confusing. When you’ve grown up beside someone, it’s easy to wonder, “Is this friendship… or something becoming more?” What I see is that both of you naturally gravitate toward each other: the invitations, the shared spaces, the comfort, the ease. Those things don’t happen by accident. But I also see someone who strongly values his responsibilities school, family, his upcoming service. That doesn’t mean he’s not interested. It means he’s cautious with his energy, and you’re interpreting his steadiness as emotional distance.

Choosing to stay in the friend zone right now isn’t a mistake, it’s actually a mature decision if you feel you’re not ready to date or flirt confidently yet. But don’t confuse “not ready” with “not worthy.” You don’t need to change your entire lifestyle to start dating; you just need to learn emotional signals, pacing, and self-confidence, the same way someone learns a new skill slowly, not overnight. What matters most right now is that you don’t shrink your feelings out of fear. You’re allowed to enjoy liking someone without forcing a label or rushing the outcome.

You won’t ruin a friendship by expressing interest gently and gradually. The friend zone isn’t a trap, it’s a comfort stage you can step forward from when you’re ready. If you want to show interest without overstepping, think small: warmer tones in text, slightly softer compliments, playful curiosity, shared time that feels a bit more intentional. Men don’t need big romantic gestures to recognize attraction. they notice the subtle shift long before you realize you’re giving it. And no, starting a conversation doesn’t make you the “chaser.” It makes you present, warm, and engaged. That’s a good thing.

What matters more than a book or a strategy is your internal clarity. Do you want love someday? Yes. Do you need to race toward it today? Absolutely not. You’re allowed to go slow, learn, open up in tiny steps, and let your confidence build through experience, not pressure. What I see in you is someone who can love deeply and also someone who’s still learning the language of romantic connection. That’s okay. Let this be a soft beginning, not a test you’re afraid to fail.

[Author]

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