[Ciara]

So,there is this guy who I have been seeing on-off for the past 2 years .We were together for 1 year. But,the last few months I cut off all contacts with him .I wanted more but he was not ready to give me more. SO at that point I had thought it best to break of with him and focus on my career.I needed to arrange my life and career ,because he was becoming a big distraction on a deep emotional way .

Now,that I have finally put my career on a path , I have started talking to him again , cause I missed him as a friend . Also at this point I know that I don’t want him in my life as a romantic prospect more as a hookup.Again, I am not looking for a relationship from him. I am very busy in my life now with work,travels etc. I am looking for a casual hookup from him and on speaking with him he agreed to it.He said he was really excited to hookup with me again and made plans to see me this month also.

But the next day when I text him, I get no reply from him and since then no reply to any of my texts . Though I can see him online,he never sees the messages nor reply back. I don’t want to appear clingy so have stopped messaging him further. Is he interested in our arrangement or did he back away? Should I give up on him and just concentrate on my life? Is it bad to bring back an ex again in your life ?

I am confused and uncertain if I made a bad decision .

[Ask April Masini]

How old are you both?

[Ciara]

Hi April,

I am 26 and he is 27

[Ask April Masini]

Got it. Thank you.

First of all, I don’t believe you’re just interested in hooking up with him. I think you want more, and the reason I think that is because you’re following him on line, you’re checking to see if he’s responding to your texts, and you’re asking questions about whether to give up on him or not. A good hook up artist doesn’t care about any of that. They just care about whether they’re meeting their goal or not: hooking up.

I think that you miss having a relationship, and since he’s your last relationship, it’s natural to go back to him. However, he’s not showing interest, and that’s your sign to move on. Reconsider the hookup aspect of your relationships. I think you really do want a real relationship and you’re faced with the difficulty and obstacles of starting from scratch — but if you do, and you succeed, you’ll be glad you did.

I hope that helps.

[Ciara]

Dear April,

I think you are absolutely right . Maybe I did want more from him. Anyway he just told me today that me met someone new and that we would like to focus on this new girl . And depending on how it goes with her , he would decide the fate of our summer plans.

But I’m done. I wished him luck and told him that I’m happy for him and cut of ties with him. He said he would like to remain friends with me,I said ok and deleted his messages.

No more, I’ll rather be without sex for a long time than with him .

Sometimes I feel I will never meet the right one or even a man . Can you give me some advices on how to work on myself and make myself stronger ?

Thank you

[Ask April Masini]

You did the right thing.

To move forward, be clear about what you want — don’t fool yourself into thinking you want a hookup when you really want love, affection and commitment. 😉 Since you’ve stumbled a little, emotionally, take good care of yourself. Exercise, smile at 20 new guys every day, and fill your calendar with a good balance of work and play. Make sure you surround yourself with supportive and fun friends and family members and go to the moves, museums, concerts — stay engaged and interesting. Let your friends and family know you’re single and ask them to introduce you to anyone they might know who’s also single and interesting.

You’re going to be fine. Just give it some time, and be proactive. 🙂

[Ciara]

Hi April,

Thank you for your encouragement. The thing is I’m right now in a foreign country in a small city where I don’t speak the language. I’m trying to move on by going out with my colleagues . Trying to take p little projects during my free time to improve various skills. But somewhere I find it very difficult to start over again. I feel so lost , so suffocating .
Can you give me some suggestions on how to become stronger mentally ?

Thank You

[Ask April Masini]

Your mental health is going to be connected to your physical, social and emotional health, so if you have trouble with the language, then get out there and be physical. Go hiking, take a yoga class, go swimming, and dance! Find people in your country who speak your language. Find a community of ex-pats. Get a haircut, read a book, go to the movies, fill you calendar! This isn’t going to happen on it’s own. The more effort you put into getting over the relationship, the easier it will be. 😉

[Sally]

Mixed signals mess with your head, even when you think you’re being casual about it.
Here’s the simple truth. If someone is interested even just for a hookup they don’t disappear. They don’t stay online, ignore messages, and leave you guessing. That’s not shyness or being busy. That’s backing away without saying it out loud.

It doesn’t really matter what he said when you talked. What matters is what he’s doing now. And right now, he’s not showing up. You didn’t do anything wrong, and you’re not being clingy. You read the situation and stopped chasing, which was the right move.

Bringing an ex back isn’t bad by default, but it often reopens old patterns. This one looks familiar you wanting clarity, him staying distant.
I’d let this go and refocus on your life like you were already doing. If he wants it, he’ll reach out. And if he doesn’t, you already have your answer.

[Author]

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