[gobelindago]

Okay so, I went to high school with this boy who is 2 years older than me. I always had a tiny crush on him but it was just innocent. It never even crossed my mind anything would happen because we were just friends in passing. But a few months ago, we ended up hanging out/hooking up (not sex thought). Im incredibly picky, but we just sort of clicked, we’re surprisingly similar. Even people who dont know we had anything compare us.

The timing was terrible though, it happened at the end of my winter break and I went back to school the next day. Anyhow, we kept in contact. I always entertained the idea of us getting together when I came back, and he sort of perpetuated that idea. (Not saying we’d get together, but continuing to flirt). I saw him when I came home for a week, and he asked me to watch a movie one night and was pretty obvious about the implications, but I got too nervous/doubted myself and acted really distant and nothing happened. We still talked, but for the most part lost contact. Now Im back and we’ve spoken a few times and I’ve gone to see his band play but thats it. Either I sent the wrong message too many times or he lost interest on his own.

Recently though, he asked if he could come on this roadtrip with my friends and me, back out to school, where I now have a house. Well, my friends ended up unable to go so I figured I would just get a flight out. But since I really like him I thought we could go on said roadtrip together. The thing is, he would end up living with me. He is pretty low on money and wouldnt be able to pay all the rent but would contribute what he could, and get a job when he got out there. Im fine with this, Im not one to judge and would help him out knowing he would do the same.

The problems with this are obvious. For one, he doesnt know yet it would be just us. I have a plan to tell him this though, leaving the option open to not go, making it not awkward if he feels too pressured. My friend says Im bending over backward for him, if we were just friends. I know I like him but Im not sure Id want him as a boyfriend? That might just be because I am afraid of commitment. But the only reasons he would want to come is – he wants that or he is just using me. Ive known him forever and know he is a really nice guy. But Im afraid that this trip could end in ruins.. or it could essentially change my life. I dont want to forfeit this trip because Im afraid though, I dont want to miss this chance, but I also dont want to be taken advantage of.

[April Masini, your AskApril]

One of the best ways to find out what a man’s intentions are is to NOT CHASE HIM!! If you stop offering to do things for him and stop taking care of him, you’ll get to see whether or not he’s interested in pursuing you.

My advice is to cancel your road trip since your friends are not able to go, and just fly back to school. Your idea of inviting him to live with you is a bad one. You’ll be infinitely more confused about whether he is using you if drive him to your house and invite him to live with you, especially knowing as you do that he’s low on money. 😯

Here’s a full proof way to know if he’s using you or not. Wait and see if he asks you to go out on a date. If he does, he likes you. If he doesn’t, he’s probably using you. Hooking up with a guy you like is also a bad idea because it eliminates the chance for him to ask you out, for the most part. When guys hook up, they’re usually not very respectful of you and they’re just looking for quick and easy sex. If you give it to them that way, without making them work for it, so that they feel like they’ve won a prize when they get it, you’ve devalued yourself. 😳

Read Think & Date Like A Man, [url]https://www.askapril.com/relationship-dating-advice/think-and-date-like-a-man.html[/url], on the plane back to school. I think it’s going to help you!

Please follow me @AskAprilcom on Twitter.

[gobelindago]

Well, I think I took the “hard to get” card a little too far. He pursued me, but I just pushed him away despite that I liked him. The last time he asked me out on a date (or the closest thing to a date – he and I dont really have that much money and Im the type of girl who would want to split the bill in half, not have him pay) was when I was home and I think I accidentally ended up putting him in the friend zone that night.
But you’re right, I guess I will wait and see if he asks to see me. I havent actually put out yet though, so although I wouldnt go as far to say its not on his mind, Im pretty sure he understands Im not that easy.

Thank you!

[April Masini, your AskApril]

I hope you’ll read Think & Date Like A Man, [url]https://www.askapril.com/relationship-dating-advice/think-and-date-like-a-man.html[/url], so you have a better idea of how to find, get and keep Mr. Right. I can tell from what you’re writing that this book will help you a lot.

Paying for your half of the date is a bad idea. It takes away the opportunity for the guy to take care of you. It doesn’t matter how much money he has — men want to be the ones to take care of their women, and you’re denying him that opportunity.

It’s curious that although he pursued you, you “pushed back”. It really sounds like you’re trying to control things instead of letting him “be the man” and letting yourself “be the woman.”

Read Think & Date Like A Man!! You really need it. It’s going to make your life better. Let me know what you think after you read it.

[gobelindago]

I’m a feminist, so I don’t really think that way, but I value your advice. I also know that no matter how feminist I am/he is, there is a desire for him to be the “protector”.
I’ll look into reading the book, thanks!

[April Masini, your AskApril]

As you probably know from reading my advice, I’m not a big fan of feminism because I think it’s given women and men bad advice and created a lot of confusion and failing or failed relationships as a result. Feminism tends to ignore what men (and women) are really about. It ignores the fact that men really want to win women over. Men WANT to chase; they WANT to capture and win women; they want to be providers and have their women appreciate and need them. They don’t want to feel like they’re not good at something or are not needed — and if they do, I guarantee you they’ll find a woman who does make them feel that way because when you take these opportunities away from men, they don’t get to behave authentically, and you end up dealing with their resultant derivative behavior, which then confuses everyone, and sends relationships into failure.

Read the book,[url]https://www.askapril.com/relationship-dating-advice/think-and-date-like-a-man.html[/url] and if you still disagree with me, let me know how things go as you pay half of your dates and treat men like equals — maybe I’ll learn something from you! 😉

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