[needit5555]

Hi – I recently came across a situation with my GF that might be an interesting test of the trust and strength of a relationship. I and my GF have been involved in our relationship for over 14 months, we love each other a lot and have mutually committed for the long run. She is 25y.o and I’m over 40.

In any case, here was the situation. I recently sent my Yahoo login information to my GF after she asked me to resend an email that she says she couldn’t find, I thought this would make it easier and simpler for her. She did ask the same thing couple other times in the past. I even further suggested to her that it might be simpler/easier for her to login to my account to see her emails from me, instead of me sending them to her email acct. Since I manage my acct., I told her that this has the added benefit of knowing that we read each others sent emails. I didn’t see anything wrong with this, I have no problem giving her complete access to my account. I trust and believe in her completely. But after not seeing a positive reaction, I dropped the subject.

After going through this dialog with her, I wondered could the sharing of online accounts between two people who love each other deeply a possible true/ultimate test of Trust. Since a true loving relationship is based on Trust. Does it mean that a partner is unsure of their relationship, if they have seconds thoughts on sharing their personal online account info. ?

Not sure if this a moutain to climb or a molehill?

[April Masini, your AskApril]

Yes, you’re making a mountain out of a molehill! 😉 If you trust her, you shouldn’t need her e-mail login information. While giving her your information may not bother you at all, she has a different level of need for privacy, and having privacy doesn’t mean someone is cheating on you or even doing anything wrong. It’s just nice to have some sense of a separate life when you’re in a relationship. It’s too much of a burden for anyone to put every need they have on their partner. She has friends and family that she discusses things with — and some of those things may have to do with you — but that’s healthy! Her outside relationships with people can help her form her own opinions and color her behavior, and if you like who she is, then don’t rock the boat! 🙂 Trusting someone is different than needing to know everything about them. Give her a little space in this regard — especially since you don’t seem to have a relationship problem!

Hope that helps, and that you’ll follow me @AskAprilcom on Twitter and on Facebook at this link: [url][/url].

[Anonymous]

Thank you… it does make sense up to a point but it puts a doubt to the true definition of Trust.

Does Trust have limitation and exceptions? If there is truely Trust between two people, doesn’t it include that special understanding that each partner has the best at heart for the other and will be non-judgemental? Just because each has the others login doesn’t mean they will check out each others emails or even if they do they will unnecessarily get involved… if there is nothing to hide what do two Trusting partners have to fear by sharing emails logins?

Look forward to your thoughts….thanks.

[April Masini, your AskApril]

There is no such thing as a “true definition of trust” as you put it. Therefore, it’s wrong for you to hold her behavior up to some such thing that doesn’t exist. 😮

If you have “the best at heart” for your girlfriend and want to be non-judgmental, as you describe below, then let her have her privacy. If you don’t understand that she needs privacy even within a relationship, then you’re probably going to smother her down the line. 😕

[Member]

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