[ladyvampire]

Hi, ive been with my husband 5 years, we love each other very much but im sick of the let down in the bedroom,i found out that my husband had a online affair, this hurt me greatly because i saw everything in the profile he created, photos he put up, sexy messages he wrote to other women. the sexual inuendos in this almost drove me in sane, he says he doesnt know why he did it and that he was wishing it was me, but i dont believe him.Everthing that he did online with these woman are the things i need from him so badly, and i cant get over that fact that when we had problems that he would go elsewhere, he says he never meet them but i saw the messages that were sent back and forth and there were nights he went out and now i wonder where was he is he lieing and hiding things because he knows our marriage would be over. IM not saying that im the perfect wife but right now im that confused. We tried to talk about what happened between us and be more open with each other but its harder for me now than it was before, i got hurt in my last relationship when i found out that my partner was gay and hiding behind me and my kids, then when i left i found out the he hed been going to gay brothels, i sometimes wonder if im the problem, please help me i want to get things right in my marriage, with a healthy sex life that doesnt have me laying in bed of a night to scared to make the first move. How do i tell him that i need more passion between us, i honestly spend more time taking care of my own nneeds than he does, does he feel like this to i dont know,i always thought that we would figure this out but the whole internet thing has really done my head in, i now know that he was talking to these woman while laying in bed beside me, i dont understand any of this, some times it all over whelms me to the point where i end up hiding some where to cry, i havent spoken to anyone about this because i didnt want his friends to think less of him,i dont know if im dealing with this the right way or not, any advice would be awesome.

[April Masini, your AskApril]

There are a couple of flashing yellow lights that caught my attention:

1. Your husband’s been cheating on you

2. Your ex-husband cheated on you and left you to pursue a gay lifestyle

3. You wrote that you are afraid to make the first move in your own bed with your husband

While it’s easy to paint you as the victim, I think it might be more helpful to try and figure out your part in these three scenarios. Don’t get the impression that I’m blaming you — I’m not. I want to give you some productive advice to try and heal your marriage.

Clearly, you have some problems expressing your sexuality with your husband. I’d like you to start regarding yourself as a sexual being more than you have before. Make your sexuality a priority. Be groomed every night and every day. Get a great lingerie wardrobe. Start fantasizing and living out those fantasies in your bedroom WITH your husband.

If you need help jumpstarting the process, read Romantic Date Ideas, [url]https://www.askapril.com/relationship-dating-advice/romantic-date-ideas.html[/url], a book I wrote with tips and advice to put the X back in your sex life. The book will download automatically and you can start reading today — and implementing tonight.

Let me know if this helps, and please follow me @AskAprilcom on Twitter.

[Member]

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