[michael17]

Excuse me , m’am. I’ve uh came across your website for assistance with my relationship problem. So if you could help, I’d be mighty grateful. I would like you to understand that I am only 17 years of age, but I would like to take a particular relationship seriously. I know I’m just a child, I just thought coming here would bring me the guideance, I’ve been longing for. I’ve really put myself in a bad situation. As my ex started calling me often, I lost my temper one day, and used foul language. I let everything go for awhile, and decided I’d contact her again to apoligise. I read her an apology letter over the phone, and tried to be sincere. She said, she forgave me, but decided we’d just be friends. She originally did like me more than a friend, but now she says I’m just a good friend. I would like to accept that, but I’m too stubborn to let one of the first girls that actually liked me go. She still calls me occasionally, like when she’s at her new boyfriends house. It’s all so strange, she said she broke up with this boy because he cheated on her. But when I make a false move, she came right back to ‘em. I’ve been trying to get her to express personal feelings again, while expressing my own, but she just says I don’t know. Hell, I just try asking her if she even likes talking to me, her response is SURE. I’m just trying to make things right, fix what I have broken, and get back on track. I understand the basic requirements in a relationship: care, understanding, be sincere, be faithful, to comfort your partner, and just be there for her when she needs help. I’m really uptight about things, I’m really sorry. I dont want to disturb and pressure her, but I also want her by my side. I dont think she even wants to hang with me anymore. For about 5 days, when she didn’t contact me, she just said she was busy and her old boyfriend was responding to some of her texts. As of right now, she still calls to say what’s up and I guess make small-talk, here and there, but like I said, I don’t think it’s going anywhere, and I don’t know if I should just wait for her. I suppose I managed to work it out with him, but she said that when I do try and contact, and when she wants to talk, she’ll say she’ll try and keep her phone away from him. Like I said I’m really sorry about all this, I just want some help fixing this. Insight, opinion, and advice would be appreciated. (The girl is sixteen by the way) On a further note, she said she would call me last night, if she didnt forget, but she didn’t. As of now, I’m still waiting for her to contact me. I feel used and broken, the last time we talked, she usually tells me she’s visiting her boy-friends house, which is the one she originally broke up with because he was unfaithful. When she visits his house, he’s always there with his friend, and usually they spend the whole day together. I’m sorry for being so obbsessive, I really want help fixing this. Can you tell me what I can do to win her heart back? Sometimes I worry about really stupid things, like when she says she has to go play with the boys. I try asking to to hang out with her, even as friends, but she seems resistant to even talking to me. I want help with everything, but can you atleast tell me the first step in her even being intrested in me again? What’s the secret to earning a young woman’s love? I wanna know what I can do to deserve her. 🙁

[April Masini, your AskApril]

First of all, you can’t fix something that isn’t broken. Sometimes one person in a relationship drifts away, or leaves purposefully. It takes two to make a relationship work, but only one to leave it. So no matter how much you want her, if she isn’t interested, you can’t make her come back.

Second of all, (and on the other hand) one of the secrets to being successful with women is to not be so available. Women really like men who are confident and successful — in every regard. That means if you’re waiting home for her to call, or hanging on her every word, or waiting in the wings ready to be anything to her — you’re going to be less attractive than if you’re out having a great time, doing well in the world, achieving and even dating other women.

So, my advice is to change your behavior and try focusing your energy away from her and onto becoming successful at school, in your extra activities — whether they’re sports or a part time job, flourish in your social life — and if she’s at all interested in you, she’ll be even more attracted than before, but if she’s not, you’ll know that she’s not for you, but that all the other women you’re attracting with your new confidence and success, are. 😀

I hope that helps. Please follow me @AskAprilcom on Twitter and on Facebook at this link: [url][/url].

[michael17]

Well here I am again, I’m sorry about buggin ‘ya. I just wanted your further guidance. I am sorry. Thanks for your help so far. The girl called me 10:30 a.m. It rang a couple of times, then hung up. I called back right away, and asked her if she was trying to call me. She said no, the baby just likes to play with the phone. We talked for about 10-15+ mins, she said she was texing her boyfriend while she was talking to me. she still complains of what I did, thus I continue to be apoligetic. A little bit later, she started texting me, I responded right away, and it was small things, like hi, what’s up. She called me after a text message, and we talked for a few minutes, she said “I can call you when I get home from my boyfriends house, if you want”. I said, “I’d appreciate that, have a nice day”. It’s like last time, she lied, she, still hasn’t returned her call. I always get the feeling, it’s my fault, like I did something to anger her. The conversation seemed fine, so I’m clueless. I really get the horrible feeling she’s messing with me, and wants nothing to do with me. And I’m, also sorry to say, I’m failing in school, I’m many years behind, so I plan to just drop out and pursue an adult education. With no life and no friends, April, I make her my only option. To make matters worse, I’ve been diagnosed by my therapistwith Obsessive compulsive disorder and Generalized Anxiety Disorder. I don’t know if you understand those mental disorders, but living with with that combo is horrrible. I can’t get my head straight and focus on something else, no matter how hard I try, I’m always bent on the girl. I know you’re not her, but can you please give me an idea of her motives and how i should be dealing with her? Please, I really need your help. Like shouild I wait a while before I responsd, ignore completely for awhile, just tell her i’m busy? I asked her about the night she didn’t call, and if she had any plans of calliing me again, she said no. I’m just not like other boys,playing sports, actin’ silly with friends, or just so into myself. plus I dont find it safe to even try to talk to her. her boyfriend has answered her texts before and threatned me. the only info i know about him is that he’s on probation, he’s fat, he’s 15 and his name is jon. i mean do you think if she really wants me, if i were to ignore her for a long time, she would say so. she even admitted to me after giving him my phone number, even though he threatned me, he’s always been nice to her, plus they’re usually at his house. please, understand, april, it’s not so simple for me.

[April Masini, your AskApril]

You didn’t follow my advice! 🙁

Since you’ve been diagnosed with anxiety and OCD, and your behavior indicates these diagnoses are correct I’m going to make this short and sweet for you:

1. Stop calling her and stop dating altogether. You have personal problems that need your attention first. You can only be in a healthy relationship if you get healthy, yourself!

2. Since you’re failing school, get a job.

3. After six months of working, get back into adult education or some sort of education program to get your degree in high school.

3. After 12 months of working and doing well in school, read the book, Date Out of Your League, [url]https://www.askapril.com/relationship-dating-advice/date-out-of-your-league.html[/url], so you understand better how to win with women.
😀

[Member]

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