[Lmg2016]

Hi April! A little about us before I get into it…
My fiancé Ryan and I have been together about 4 year with the usual on and off in the beginning. I’m almost 26 and he is recently 30. We have not had the best past and it took us a lot to get to where we are now and we are both happy.. As I believe. He proposed to me in February and I found out I was pregnant about a month or so before hand but we were keeping somewhat quiet about it but we’re both very happy about it. I’m now 27 weeks pregnant and were expecting a little boy in September. Ryan and I (obviously before baby) liked to go out a lot and drink a lot, we’re both bartenders in a busy downtown area, and we both never really argued either so we were both mostly happy out. Not ones to fight in public or anything now that we’re back together and happy. So when I found out I was pregnant I expected him to still want to go out and drink with his friends.. Honestly didn’t bother me. I stil go out every now and then but I get pretty tired as you could imagine so I seldom go out after work. He now sometimes will go out every night after work sometimes until 7am and sometimes until the next day. I guess it bothers me mainly because sometimes hell ignore me while out and I worry a lot and it ruins my sleep too. I’ve asked him not to do it so much but he says he doesn’t want to be that guy who loses his friends when he gets married and has a kid. I don’t want to pull him away from his friends but I hate being alone a lot too
-S

[Ask April Masini]

I don’t know if he’s cheating on you, but he isn’t embracing the pregnancy, and he isn’t acting like someone who wants to be part of a couple where there’s a child on the way and an engagement on the table. 🙁 Since you mentioned that the two of you had a difficult past, but that he proposed marriage when you got pregnant, it sounds like he was trying to do the right thing — but may have felt trapped into it, and is rebelling against that feeling, now. 😕 Since you’re expecting a child, and your priorities are changing, it’s time for you to be realistic about the relationship — past, present and future. 😉 If you start wagging your finger at him in any way, he’s going to feel that his behavior is justified. He’s looking for you to be the bad guy who put him in this situation so he can act out….. so you’re going to have to take the high road and refrain from arguing or telling him that what he’s doing is wrong. Find ways to entice him into coming home, rather than trying to force him home, and balance that with taking care of yourself and preparing for the baby.

I hope that helps. Let me know if you have any specific questions.

[Lmg2016]

Hi again. So I just wanted to update you on what’s going on because shit hit the fan last night and I really need help. For the last few months he’s been very distant and doesn’t want to touch me (says he thinks it’s weird while I’m pregnant) which I understood and let slide.. Whenever I bring up anything that bothers me he just thinks I’m always trying to find a way to argue.. He constantly blames me for anything and makes me out to be this crazy woman. I’ve done nothing to him except love him and ask for some more of his time since he is working a lot.. Even his boss says he works too much and I feel like it’s just to get away from me. So last night when he left for work I got onto his email (which I’ve never done)because I’ve had a gut feeling somethings been going on and found a startling email interaction with a random GUY from a craigslist ad! Very intense conversation all the way to the point where they met up 6 months ago… I mean very detailed messages about everything that could break me in half. And who knows what they’re texting each other or meeting up still now because he’s been out every night for a while now

[Ask April Masini]

Thank you for the update. Let me know if you have any questions. 😉

[Sally]

Your feelings make sense. You’re not being needy or paranoid for wanting your fiancé to be present while you’re growing his child. Pregnancy changes the rules, even if nobody says it out loud.
Now the hard part. Going out sometimes is one thing. Staying out all night, ignoring you, and leaving you alone over and over? That’s not about friends anymore. That’s about him avoiding responsibility and reality. It doesn’t automatically mean he’s cheating, but it does mean he’s not showing up the way a partner should right now.
Here’s the emotional truth: you’re feeling alone during a time when you shouldn’t be.
The logical truth: a guy can keep his friends and come home. Those aren’t opposites.
The relationship truth: if you’re losing sleep and peace, something needs to change.
You don’t need to accuse him. But you do need to be honest. Not angry. Just real. Tell him you’re scared, tired, and need him more present. Watch what he does after that. Actions will tell you everything.
You’re not wrong for wanting a partner, not just a roommate who comes home at sunrise.

[Author]

Posts