[Anonymous]

I want to know if this is cheating:

My girlfriend arranged to meet a guy friend at the mall. I know this guy has the hots for my girlfriend, because she told me, and he always badmouths our relationship and me. ( he says long distance relationships never work, and I will cheat on her). My girlfriend never told me about the arrangement to meet him. I found out on her IM, but what shocked me was the previous conversation they were having on IM. He was saying he wants to do sexual things to her. In her reply she said she wanted to meet to talk.

When i confronted her about it, she said she wanted to meet him to tell him, she is with me, and nothing can happen between them.( why couldn’t she just tell him that on IM, why did she have to meet him, after he said those sexual things?) She said they talked and he was saying how much he cares about her, and how he would make her happy. She said she ‘took to him’ ( I dont know what this means) and started saying how I don’t show her I care, and she could feel he was genuine in what he was saying. She also defended him, and said he was drunk when he said those sexual things.( I dont believe that)

I feel she cheated on me, maybe not physically, as I have no proof, but emotionally. She wanted to meet with him, even after he was saying he wants to do sexual things with her. Why couldn’t she just tell him to get lost?

Also she never planned on ever telling me about this whole thing, so that makes me suspicious. If it was innocent, why would she want to hide it, we tell each other everything?

To top it all off, she tries to blame me for it. She says I don’t show her I care, but it only came up when I confronted her.

Is this cheating?

[April Masini, your AskApril]

You’re getting lost in semantics — along with the rest of the country! People seem to think oral sex is not real sex and cheating is, well, never mind — the bottom line is that she is stepping out and exploring another relationship with a guy who is interested in her as more than a friend. You’re right that she could have ignored his request to meet; not engaged in drunk texting; and been open with you about this meeting — and she didn’t. Whether or not it’s cheating, she’s definitely looking outside of the relationship.

Rather than focusing on this guy, look at the real problem: why is she interested in someone who isn’t you? 😯 What’s going on in YOUR relationship with her that isn’t working for her.

I’m not sure how old you are, she is, or the other guy is and how long the two of you have been dating or the nature of the long distance relationship, but instead of blaming her for cheating, understand that the relationship she has with you is in jeopardy. Do you want to save it? If so, look at where things aren’t working and what you can do to change them.

I hope that helps, and that you’ll follow me @AskAprilcom on Twitter and on Facebook at this link: . [url][/url]. 😀

[Member]

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