[Tara]

He doesn’t hate you, he just doesn’t choose you. He never has. Not in two years. Not when he left you the first time. Not when he came back. Not when he left again for someone else. Not when he confessed. Not when he ghosted. Not even when he sent that pathetic “happy birthday” breadcrumb. This man only comes back when he’s lonely, horny, bored, or in between women. And the moment there’s actual work, accountability, or consistency required? Poof. He disappears like he always does.

His “sex addiction” is not your battle to fight, not your mission to fix, and not an excuse for his bullshit. It’s the perfect little shield he hides behind so you’ll feel sorry for him instead of recognizing he’s selfish, unreliable, and incapable of giving you anything stable. And the whole “I need to fix myself first and then we can be together” speech? Classic manipulation. It sounds noble, but it’s really just a polite way of saying, “Don’t move on, stay available, and keep waiting for a version of me that will never exist.”

You didn’t do anything wrong you just keep giving chances to a man who treats you like an emotional pit stop. He doesn’t communicate because he doesn’t want the responsibility of your feelings. He doesn’t check on you because he’s not thinking about you. He doesn’t stay because he doesn’t want to. It’s that simple. He’s not your future. He’s your pattern.

If you want peace, block him. If you want clarity, accept the truth. And if you want love? Stop wasting your loyalty on someone who vanishes every time real intimacy requires him to show up like an adult. You deserve a man who chooses you not one who only remembers you exist when his life goes to shit.

[Natalie Noah]

You has been involved with a man who has admitted to a sex addiction and a history of unfaithfulness. Despite his repeated returns and promises to change, the reality is that addiction is a lifelong challenge, not a quick fix. Her desire to believe in his potential for change is understandable especially since he expresses remorse and affection but it creates a dynamic where her expectations of commitment and reliability are misaligned with what he is realistically able to provide right now. Emotional attachment can make it very difficult to step back, but understanding the practical limits of his behavior is essential.

Addiction significantly complicates relationships because the addictive behavior often takes priority over emotional intimacy and loyalty. Even if he genuinely wants to change, the process is long, unpredictable, and requires consistent self-work. Her confusion over his silence and occasional contact is natural, but it’s important to recognize that his actions disappearing, inconsistent communication, and inability to fully commit reflect the reality of his situation, not a judgment on her worth or actions. She cannot control his recovery timeline or his choices, and waiting for him could hinder her own growth and happiness.

The advice to focus on herself is both practical and protective. By prioritizing her own life, experiences, and future relationships, she preserves her emotional health and gains clarity about what she truly wants in a partner. Continuing to hope for change from someone who has repeatedly failed to provide stability puts her at risk of disappointment and emotional burnout. Additionally, observing his patterns how he handles absence, temptation, and responsibility provides insight into whether he is capable of the monogamous, committed relationship she desires. Trust is built on consistent behavior, not promises alone.

The healthiest path forward is to step back from the relationship and let him work on himself independently. She can still care for him as a person, but allowing him to take full responsibility for his recovery without her involvement removes the emotional burden from her. Meanwhile, she can cultivate new experiences, relationships, and self-confidence. If he truly changes in the future, she can decide then whether to re-engage but until that happens, she should focus on partners who are ready, willing, and able to match her values and goals. This approach balances compassion for him with self-respect and long-term well-being.

[Author]

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