[Anonymous]

Dear April,

I’m an American man with some relationship issues. For several months, I’ve been in a long distance relationship with a Canadian girl I’ve known for a while online. We talk on Skype, webcammed for each other, and basically talk to each other everyday. We love each other, even though we still haven’t met, as of yet (we’re hoping to change that this summer).

However, we’ve had our share of fights and turmoil. I had feelings for her before I even admitted them to her, and the day I did tell her I loved her (and she confessed this too the same day, right after I said it), she told me she was going over to the house of a male friend, whom we’ll call “J.” The thing is, she had previously had a brief night of intimacy with him before, although they didn’t have sex (I believe she did touch him down there though). A terrible part was that J also had a girlfriend in California, whom he swore to never cheat on.

A couple of days later, she confessed and said that they had another night of intimacy, but they didn’t have sex, because according to her, she decided it was wrong, even though she had condoms on her. I forgave her. But that was back in April.

A couple of weeks later, we became closer, and more intimate. However, she mentioned a man we’ll call “Dan” over, who was a student friend of hers. She later confessed that Dan and her had a week-long fling, even though he too had a girlfriend. She stopped because she said it didn’t feel right, and realized that her heart belonged to me, and that this was just a way to try to feel a physical connection.

In the following months, we became officially boyfriend and girlfriend. We’ve had our arguments about jealousy and the like, but she always says that I’m the only one she’s doing anything with romantically. And I believe her.

However, in the past couple of weeks, she’s been talking to a guy we’ll call “M,” a friend she met on a roleplaying forum several years ago, who also is a friend of one of her college friends. Keep in mind he lives in her town. The two finally met a couple of weeks ago, and have become close friends. The thing is, this worries me, since the guy is also schizophrenic, even though he’s on medication.

Now, today, while I was at my lunch break, I IM’d her, just since I knew she was going to see a movie tonight. She said that she wouldn’t probably be here when I get off work (3PM), since M was going to come over to her house. She said she was going to show him some movies, and promised me nothing at all would happen, and that he wouldn’t try anything at all. I felt really worried about this, because it just screamed “deja vu” in my heart.

I emailed her after I got off work, and the two of us shared playful emails for a couple of hours. However, I began to say that I didn’t trust M, and I how I hoped she’ll be safe. She said that nothing at all has happened, and won’t at all. I believe I offended her, and kind of ruined her night, since she was about to see that movie, with M and a couple of friends. Now I think I really did hurt her, and it seems like it could be bad, but I have to wait until tonight to talk to her. She claims I’m making a big deal about everything. I apologized several times, and she’s agreed to talk. What should I say, April? And most of all, what can I do to really let her know that I trust her and love her so much? I’ve sent her flowers before, but I don’t think material objects will do. I have a feeling she’s the “one,” and she already is the love of my life. I just want to know how I can make this work for her, without stepping on her toes, or ending our relationship.

Sincerely,

X.

[April Masini, your AskApril]

How old are you both?

[Anonymous]

19 and 20.

[April Masini, your AskApril]

Thank you for the extra information. Now that I know you’re both relatively young, it doesn’t make sense to have a relationship where you only meet annually. 😕 If you were older I’d expect you would have more resources at your disposal and you’d be able to fly to meet her more often, or fly her to meet you, but I’m guessing that you’re either in college or newly employed and just starting your career.

Meeting dates online is great, 😀 but the internet should be[i] limited[/i] in it’s use as a meeting tool. You shouldn’t conduct your entire relationship online because the reality is that people have needs for in person companionship, affection and socializing. As it turns out, she’s been seeing guys in her real life — as you both should be doing — and because you’ve invested so much of your social life exclusively online, you don’t have the resources to meet her social needs, and you’re feeling jealous.

My advice is that you date women in your real life, and if you meet them online, before you invest your time and emotions, choose those that live in your zip code or telephone area code. That way you’ll avoid this kind of heartache.

I hope that helps! Please follow me @AskAprilcom on Twitter and on Facebook at this link: [url][/url]. 😀

[Member]

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