[sadandconfused]

Hoping I can get some help with my problem. I will be turing 18 in a month and I was with a boy on and off since I was 14. We met at a party my freshman year, his sophomore year, in October 2012 and began talking and seeing each other a few months later in December. We had what you could call a “thing” for three months, which entailed texting all day, hanging out on the weekends, going to parties together, and he even got me a present for my birthday. he said he liked me a lot.

During the duration of this relationship, he would always go out to eat with the girl he used to have feelings for to “help her with homework”. I don’t know much of their history, I just know they had a class together the year before and that he liked her but she wouldn’t give him a chance because he thought he was annoying, but as soon as I entered the picture and he no longer pursued her, she wanted him. They would also text and had three classes together and would often walk in the hallway together.

She even told me she would always have feelings for him, although he denied it all and said they were only friends and chose to have a relationship with me over her, but continued seeing her although he knew it made me uncomfortable and I always got the impression he liked her. Then when things ended, he said it had nothing to do with her and he had simply been losing feelings for me. I was devastated and paranoid that the two of them would rekindle their relationship. However, now that he wanted her again, she wanted nothing to do with him.

We ended up getting back together in May of 2013, two months after things had ended, and things were great. We had an awesome relationship and dated for two and a half years. We had a few problems along the way, mostly due to him lying to me about things but were able to look past it. We were best friends and did everything together.

He would take me out to dinner, to the movies, invited me to hang out with his friends, would write me letters, I went to all the family holidays and always went to the movies with him and his family. He was basically the perfect boyfriend and was very loving and supportive. He loved spending time with me and seeing me and always tried to make me happy. We went to four high school dances together. He would always say things to me like he wanted to get married and he couldn’t wait to move in together and that I was perfect for him and that he knew he would never find anyone like me, and that if we were ever to break up due to him leaving for college that we would still get back together later on.

I was always a good girlfriend to him too. I would plan fun dates of us, make him advent calendars with little presents leading up to holidays, go to his sport events, make him care baskets with all his favorite snacks, buy him cookie cakes and clothes, I made him scrap books and gave him picture frames and did a lot of other special things. I really did love him with all my heart. he always said he was so lucky to have me. him and his family referred to me as the wifey.

Until January of 2015, right after we had celebrated our two year anniversary, things started to change. I became depressed and emotional and wasn’t really myself. Along the way, I made some mistakes and did some things that I normally wouldn’t have done.

We had had a very balanced relationship in the past, each spent equal time with friends and each other, but due to my emotional issues, I began to lose friends which meant spending more time with him, and he started seeing his friends less. He was always afraid to hurt my feelings, so sometimes he would lie to protect me, which would only cause more pain down the road.

Spring break came around in April and I was worried that he was going to cheat on me, so I told him to have fun and to just be careful. He assured me I had nothing to worry about and that he would never do that because he loved me so much. He didn’t have his phone the whole week, so I had no way of contacting him. But when he got back, I could tell something was off.

He wasn’t himself and started acting more distant, every time wanting to see his friends more. He told me things felt weird and that he was starting to feel smothered and that spending time with me wasn’t as fun as it used to be and that sometimes it felt like nothing was there. he started texting other girls too. I asked him if he still loved me, and he said yes always. I asked if he ever wished he didn’t have a girlfriend and he said no because he loved me so much. We still saw each other on a regular basis and went to dinner and had our last Prom together and other than that things were like normal, besides his new interest in other girls and wanting to see friends more and go to parties and spend less time with me.

About a month after spring break, he admitted to me that he had hooked up with another girl on the trip but wasn’t going to tell me because he didn’t want to break my heart. He said he felt so guilty and felt a pit in his stomach and whenever he heard my voice he wanted to cry. I told him it was okay and that we could figure things out, but he said he felt too guilty for what he had done and for ruining the relationship when I had been so good to him and couldn’t be with me anymore.

In May we broke up and after he said things to me like, “I will always love you”, “you are the love of my life”, “we will still get married”, and “we were meant for each other”, but that at the moment he couldn’t be with me. He said we could still be best friends and that he didn’t want me to disappear from his life completely and that we were absolutely going to get back together but that it just wasn’t in the near future.

After the break up he seemed completely fine, went to parties and spent time with his friends. I was a mess. I spent my days crying and trying to text him because he originally said i could talk to him whenever, but then he started to get annoyed and asked for space. he told me he needed two weeks of space and then we could try again. It was impossible for me, I couldn’t believe everything that had happened and it was too much for me to handle. how could this person who supposedly loved me so much do all this to me? after spending two and a half years together?

I wasn’t able to give him space and he then decided he didn’t want to get back together. I later found out he had slept with the same girl he claimed was “only a friend” a week after we broke up, and they had worn each others jerseys to the state lacrosse game and had hooked up a few times at parties on other occasions and began to text again.

while all this was going on, he was still telling me he loved me and I saw him a few times in between and each time he treated me as if I were still his girlfriend. I had no idea he had done that, but when i asked him about the other girl, he said they didn’t have a thing that they had just hooked up, but that he didn’t tell me because he knew I would be upset since it was her.

I was close with his family and his mom told me that I was too good for him. That she loved her son dearly but that I was too nice for him. She said one day he will realize he messed up because he will never find a girl like me and that it will be too late because i will have found someone better and nicer.

in June He told me he still loved me and always would and we hung out five times over the summer before he went to college.

In July, when he left he told me it was time to move on, that he didn’t love me anymore and that he was starting to have feelings for the girl who was always supposedly his friend. We didn’t talk for a few months but I was still heartbroken.

I became obsessed with him and the girl and would always stalk them on instagram and Facebook looking to see if they had liked each others pictures. then in November, he was home for thanksgiving. We went to lunch to catch up. Lunch turned into a little more and we ended up hooking up. He treated me the exact way he did when we were dating and totally made it seem like he wanted to get back together. However after he told me it didn’t mean anything.

But then in December he asked to see me again and we hung out five other times after that, i even visited him at school twice and every time it was like we were dating. I asked him if it was time to move on with our lives but he said he still liked hanging out.

He started liking some of my pictures on social media, and we started snap chatting again. he even watched my dog while I was on vacation, and one time when we were together he told me he liked me. I was sure things were different and there was still hope for us.

Until the last time. In January of this year, he told me he didn’t have any feelings for me and that he had only been using me. he said that he had feelings for the other girl and that they had had a thing since the summer. he said that i needed to move on, and that things were done for good between us. Im really upset about it. he said he still cares about me as a person but not how he used to. he said it wasn’t anything I had done.

He has changed a lot. The last time I went to see him I ended up sleeping in a cold car while he was at a frat party. He cheated on me and already cheated on the girl after me with me a bunch of times, but i still want him. Even after everything he has done to hurt me, I feel like he is just going through a phase but will one day realize he should have never let me go.

We broke up nine months ago but I really miss the old him and how things used to be. I saw him just a week ago for the last time but now he blocked me on Facebook and instagram and told me to stop texting him. he said he doesn’t want to be a part of each others lives anymore. I can’t help but blame myself for all this.

I can’t seem to let go and I think we will find each other again down the road after some time apart, but it seems I have false hope.

I dont understand how everything changed so quickly and how he was able to get over it all and move on so fast and now wants nothing to do with me when he used to say he couldn’t imagine his life without me.

What do you think? What can I do? Will he ever want me back?

Side note- the other girl goes to school and lives in Alabama and he goes to school in Illinois and lives in Wisconsin, they text all the time but only see each other when she is visiting Wisconsin. she’s not exactly what you would consider “girlfriend material”. he told me things with her weren’t going to be like they were with us, and that he couldn’t see himself ending up with her. they only hang out at parties when she is home, but he says they are a thing. Im currently studying in paris until July but I can’t stop thinking about him and their relationship.

[AskApril Masini]

It’s very difficult to move on from your first love, but that’s what you have to do. It’s going to require discipline, patience, and commitment towards keeping busy with productive and positive people and activities, and really accepting that the relationship you had in high school, is over. It’s wonderful that you’re in Paris, but I’m sure that studying abroad can feel lonely, and it’s easy to want to rekindle what was once warm and fuzzy — even if it no longer is. Use the time you’re in France to be in the moment and not look back, if you can help it. Stay busy. Meet new people and let go of what was so you can embrace your future — which I’m very sure will include a great future boyfriend.

[Member]

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