[smalltownmama]

I’ve never done anything thing like this so i hope everyone is prepared for a short novel…Okay i am a 30 year old mom who has been with the same guy since we were about 13 or 14..Although he was not my first love he was my first for all the major stuff…Off and on thru the years i have brought up the subject of marriage and he always just says oh well we can get married whenever you want and then nothing is ever said again..we have 3 kids and i just feel for some reason he just doesn’t want to get married..i know he is faithful and really does love me but doesn’t respect how i feel about the situation..okay here is the second part of this whole thing, he has this friend (we will call him “Bill”) and when Bill and i was about 16 or 17 we had a sort of fling on and off for about a year a year and a half..we only had sex once but had a really strong physical and emotional connection where what ever we had was more than that…my guy now found out but i guess i talked my way out of it and nothing was ever said about it again..to make this a little shorter “Bill” moved out of state and my current guy and i went on to have a family, and i really love him even though i have OFTEN thought about “Bill” thru the years then a couple of months ago he moved back and has been coming by the house. It is so strange and all these old feelings still feel very strong. Here’s yet the third part of the mess, he has been living off and on still with his parents hasn’t had a girlfriend (i am sure sometime along the way he had someone he was “involved” with) anyway he seems very friendly towards me and i just keep wondering has he thought about me this whole time and that’s what is going on with him?? What would i do if i found that to be true?? I really just need some advice on multiple things i feel i am a mess with serious confusion! How long should i be with someone who must not really in his heart want to be married and i absolutly do?? and how can i get to the bottom of “Bill” ? i can’t just come out and ask him if he has thought about me but this is driving me crazy…if anyone is has made it thru my long book and brave enough to help me please give me any advice you may have…

[serendipidous55]

The number one issue is what is best for the three children or at minimum what environment is best for them. This man is their father even if not your husband. In many states, a long time relationship is established by common law marriage- at least legally. It may hurt that marriage is not an offer on the table but you basically trained him that it didn’t have to be a deal maker.

As to Bill, it is probably fantasy to go so far back intime to a casual relationship and think that this past could be the basis for a sound new relationship. Best is to do right by your children and work at your exsiting relationship and over time see if marriage can be in the cards. But if you do not love your man, then you need to consider leaving and those consequences and establish who you are as a person before going into a new relationship confused at best and immature at worst.

[ThinkingRight]

Don’t you think you should make every effort to understand the father of your children rather than finding out about what Bill is thinking. You have made a decision to bring children into the world, their stability and happiness is the most important thing. Not what Bill is thinking… [b][u]Do you actually think he wants some other guys three children?[/u] [/b] [b][u]Wake-up![/u][/b] Focus on what is most important the remaining well being of your family.

[Ask April Masini]

Happy New Year! Let me know how things are going for you.

[Author]

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