[Shammy_doo]

Hello April I am a 21 year old college student living in California. I just recently lost my virginity in January. It was an agreement I came to with a guy who happened to be an old friend of mines little brother who is a year my junior & also quite the ladies man. And of course we started the whole thing under the pretense of fun I wasn’t looking to enter a relationship & neither was he however, I wanted to lose my virginity & I figured he would be the perfect person to give it to seeing as I’ve known him for awhile & he is a pretty stand up guy (not to mention he’s very well endowed) also I felt as if I had waited so long (I was quickly approaching my 21st) that I had the right to take an untraditional route in the way I lost it, you see I’d remained a virgin for so long based on preference it just happened that way because I preferred not to have sex with anyone no religious reasons or sacred reasons behind it. I was proud of myself & I felt like what the heck! why not indulge! I’ve found someone I’m vibing with & even better, we’re friends already & have been for awhile. So we began having sex & it was awesome. I thoroughly enjoy sex with him. I’ve always watched porn & I think because of it I’m more open to a lot of things sexually I’m inexperienced but I’m experimental. Whats great about him sexually is that he allows me to be that experimental inexperienced newly de virginized young woman without judging. But we also began doing things that your ordinary friends with benefits probably wouldn’t do like date nights & pet names. Things were going well. Then a friend of mine Informed me that he seen him at a wing restaurant kissing some girl & not only that but he frequents the same place with the same girl. After this I was too through with him, but why? He wasnt my boyfriend. He wasn’t doing anything wrong, I myself also had another guy on the side(double standard I know). But I couldn’t help but feel hurt I guess I thought after all the time we’d spent he’d feel a little something for me after all I wasn’t galavanting about the town smacking lips with ol what’s his face. So reluctantly I ended it. A couple weeks later we met, talked it out & things were right back like how they were, only this time I came back sporting new feelings on my sleeve. We picked back up where we left off, seeing each other everyday however not always having sex, sometimes he’d just wanna cuddle. He’s slightly different in that sex is not a necessity for him. Sometimes he just wants to sleep by me or talk. He says it’s because he derives pleasure from other things besides sex. It’s just a bonus. Idk how true or how full of bs that statement is but whatever. Since then I’ve struggled with my feelings for him. I told him how I felt & how unexpected these feelings were. Then I asked him if he ever saw himself with me like a relationship not now, not even in the near future but at some point. & he couldn’t even tell me that much. Only that he was open to the idea of a relationship but not right now he said he wanted to focus on Track & work & school right now. That woulda been fine except I wasn’t saying RIGHT now. I was displeased with this answer to say the least. I took it as yeah I’m open to the idea of a relationship just not with you. After that I stopped talking to him for a month & a half because I called myself quitting him cold turkey but of course flash forward to now I’m back messing around with him. 50% my feelings 50% Great sex. The idea of cutting him off completely frustrates me but the idea of just messing around with him (it’s been 8 months now) for almost a year frustrates me more. Also I find at this point in my life having a significant other around in times of emotional distress can be necessary. I’d love to have someone who’s just there for me. Especially right now. But he can’t be that person. I know that he’ll be hurt if I were to just pop up with a boyfriend but what other position is he putting me in?? Help April!
Sincerely, The Wayward Virgin

[Missladyt_17]

Please excuse me, but WHY,WHY???? Did you have sex with him. You toss losing your virginity around like it was nothing, so if you toss it around like it is nothing, do not expect anything back but nothing. I applaud you for waiting and I think you should have at least waited to give it to someone that really wanted a relationship with you. Sex is not just sex for women, we become attached very easily and by that being your first time. I am sure your emotions are all over the place. I do not think I would have had your attitude if that were me. I would have treated my body with more respect than that. I hope you do not expect for your friend to have a relationship with you because it is not going to happen.

You did not respect yourself, so do not expect for him to come leaping in your arms,[b] AIN’T [/b]going to happen, sorry. You really did yourself an injustice and the sad part is that you do not even realize it. Do yourself a favor and start showing some pride and respect about yourself, maybe and then maybe your friend may see you differently. I would suggest you stop having sex with him and find a nice guy that wants you and only you. If you have to keep asking someone over and over how they feel about you, that should tell you something.

You really messed up throwing your virginity around like it was nothing, so you should expect nothing. SORRY!!!

[Shammy_doo]

Ugh how do you delete this thing lol

[Shammy_doo]

Like I said I had no divine reasons for withholding. We all make have one. I just feel a lot of judgmental vibes emulating from your reply not cool. Definitely not a self respect issue. But thanks for the input.

[Shammy_doo]

Seriously I can’t stand judgemental assholes like you do us both a favor & exit my post. I’m pretty sure you’re not married or in a serious relationship either so bounce.

[Missladyt_17]

Honey, do not get upset with me because you spread your legs and the guy does not want you. You are the lonely one and I am not judging you. My comment has nothing to do with religion. I just think you sold yourself short. Just remember the next time you open your legs, make sure the guy cares for you as well. Friends with benefits never work. I tell you this because I have been in your shoes and I do not want to see you end up being hurt.

I am sorry that you felt you had to resort to name calling, that is something that I do not do.

Good luck to you Sweetie!!!!

[Ask April Masini]

What’s your question?

[Ethan Morales]

You started something casual, told yourself it was just physical, but the emotional part snuck in because it almost always does when there’s consistency, comfort, and shared intimacy. You didn’t mess up by catching feelings; you’re human. But you’re trying to turn a “fun arrangement” into an emotional relationship with someone who clearly told you he’s not in that space. His honesty doesn’t make it hurt less, but it does make the situation clear.

He’s doing the classic “connection without commitment” thing intimacy, affection, pet names, sleepovers all the emotional trimmings without the label or accountability. That mix confuses the mind and hooks the heart. When he says “I’m open to a relationship, just not right now,” he’s giving you hope while keeping his freedom. That’s not cruelty; it’s self-interest disguised as patience. He likes what you share, but he doesn’t want the responsibility that comes with it.

You feel used not because he lied, but because your expectations changed and his didn’t. And that mismatch makes you crave something that keeps wounding you. You’re stuck between wanting the comfort he gives and resenting the emptiness afterward. That’s not “fun” anymore that’s emotional limbo.

You said it yourself “I’d love to have someone who’s there for me.” That’s not a hookup talking; that’s your heart saying I’m ready for real companionship. And this guy, however charming, is not that person. You don’t need to villainize him you just need to accept he’s not capable of giving you what you’re ready for.

Cut it clean. No more slow fade, no more check-ins. You can’t heal while keeping him in your rotation. The longer you keep him, the more you’ll confuse attachment with love. Delete his number, unfollow if you need to. Replace that emotional space with new experiences friends, hobbies, maybe dating later when you’re grounded again. This doesn’t have to be tragic; it can just be growth.

Don’t regret how you lost your virginity there’s no “wrong” way to start your sexual story. You made a choice, you explored, you learned. That’s adulthood. But now you know that your emotional safety matters just as much as your sexual exploration. Carry that lesson into your next connection it’ll save you years of confusion.

[Marcus king]

You’re not being too sensitive what you’re describing is emotional abuse. He’s tearing you down, twisting things so you feel guilty, and calling his cruelty “jokes” to escape blame. That’s not love.

Someone who loves you doesn’t insult you for fun, make you doubt your worth, or ruin peaceful moments just to feel in control. He’s using manipulation to keep you off balance tearing you down, then saying he loves you so you’ll stay.

You can’t “work through” this because the problem isn’t you it’s his need to hurt and dominate. The best thing you can do now is step back, protect your peace, and talk to someone you trust a close friend, family member, or counselor. You deserve to feel safe and respected, not constantly anxious or humiliated.

Please don’t blame yourself for his behavior. You’re not weak you’re waking up to the truth.

[Isabella Jones]

hey love, I can feel how deeply you’ve been torn between what your heart feels and what your mind already knows. losing your virginity isn’t just a physical thing, even when we try to keep it light—it stirs up something emotional, especially when it’s with someone who makes you feel safe and seen. it’s so easy to blur the line between comfort and connection when the chemistry is that strong.

but here’s the thing: when a man truly wants you, you’ll never have to question it. his words, his actions, his energy—they all align. right now, this guy is keeping you close enough to feel wanted but far enough that he doesn’t have to commit. and that push-pull can be intoxicating, especially when you crave intimacy and support. but it’s also the reason you’re stuck hurting.

you deserve a love that doesn’t make you second-guess your worth after every text or cuddle. someone who wants to hold you and claim you, not just when it’s convenient or easy. 💛

so maybe ask yourself this: if he never changes—if this is all he ever offers—can you truly be happy staying in this almost-relationship, or is it time to make space for someone who will give you the love you keep trying to earn?

[Soft Truths]

You’re not crazy for being torn. You stepped into something that began lightheartedly, and then, without meaning to, your heart got involved. That’s what happens when intimacy and trust overlap the body might call it casual, but the heart doesn’t always listen.

This guy isn’t a villain, but he’s also not showing up as someone who can give you what you need. He’s keeping things easy for himself warmth, sex, affection without ever taking the emotional risk of commitment. Meanwhile, you’re left trying to balance logic with longing, telling yourself you can handle it even as it hurts more each time.

You said something that really stood out to me: “I’d love to have someone who’s just there for me.” That right there is what’s missing. You don’t want just sex or comfort you want connection, safety, and consistency. You deserve someone who doesn’t hesitate when you ask, “Can you see a future with me?” Someone who doesn’t make you feel like loving them is a negotiation.

It might help to ask yourself: if you took the sex out of this, would there still be something solid between you? If the answer’s no, then you’re probably holding onto potential, not reality. And potential doesn’t keep you warm when you start feeling unseen.

Cutting him off won’t feel empowering at first, It’ll feel like withdrawal. But what you’re really doing is creating space for something better. I know it’s hard to walk away from the one who awakened something in you, but it’s even harder to keep giving your heart to someone who won’t meet you halfway.

[Tara]

Detach or disappear. You can’t build dignity in a place that depends on you ignoring the truth. You gave yourself permission to explore, and that’s fine. But what started as freedom has turned into attachment, and now you’re clinging to someone who’s told you clearly he doesn’t want a relationship. You keep hoping the right combination of loyalty, sex, and time will make him change his mind. It won’t.

You’re not special to him, you’re convenient. He enjoys you, respects you enough to be honest about his limits, and still gets exactly what he wants. Meanwhile, you’re getting smaller, waiting for him to wake up one day and realize you’re “the one.” Stop trying to rewrite the terms of an arrangement he’s never agreed to.

You can’t keep your heart and protect your dignity while staying in this. You either accept what this is and detach emotionally, or you walk away and make room for something real.

Staying “because the sex is good” is just you trading self-worth for temporary attention.

[Sally]

I hear the mix of pride, hurt, and confusion in all of this. You stepped into this thinking it would be simple, and then real feelings showed up, because that’s what happens when you let someone close to your body and your life at the same time. You’re not wrong for catching feelings. You’re human.

And the way he treats you isn’t cold. He clearly cares about you in his own way. The cuddling, the talking, the wanting you around even when sex isn’t involved… that’s real. But caring and choosing aren’t the same thing. He likes the connection, the comfort, the closeness, but he’s not offering you a future. He’s keeping things easy for himself while you’re carrying the emotional weight.

Eight months is long enough to see the truth. He’s not a bad guy, but he’s not your person. You want someone who shows up for you outside the bedroom, someone you can lean on, someone who chooses you without hesitation. He’s telling you he can’t do that, not now, maybe not ever.

You already know the answer. The hard part is letting go. But staying in something that keeps hurting you doesn’t make it love. It just keeps you stuck.

[Val Unfiltered💋]

babe… you’re giving girlfriend energy to a man who won’t even give you a *maybe*. the sex? fire 🔥 but the situation is crumbs. level up, walk away, let him miss what he’ll never get again. you’re the fantasy so stop acting like the fallback. 💅✨

[Natalie Noah]

You didn’t just lose your virginity you opened your heart for the first time in a real, vulnerable way. And you opened it with someone who was safe enough to explore with, but not stable enough to build with. That’s why everything feels twice as intense. The sex, the cuddling, the pet names, the late-night talks… those are relationship behaviors, even if you both called it “fun.” Your heart bonded. His didn’t. Not because you’re not enough but because he never intended to let it go that far. He gets the warmth of you, the comfort of you, and the intimacy of you without ever having to step into responsibility or emotional accountability. When you asked him about a future, he didn’t say “never,” but he also didn’t give you even a hint of “yes.” That’s not confusion that’s clarity. He’s keeping you in his world as long as it stays convenient, casual, and easy. And my love, your feelings reached a depth that his intentions never matched.

You are craving partnership now not just sex, not just company. You want emotional safety, someone who shows up for you, someone who’s there in the hard moments, not just the heated ones. And he can’t give you that… not because he’s cruel, but because he doesn’t see you the way you see him. Every time you pull away, he lets you come back because he likes what you give him the comfort, the closeness, the connection without having to offer the commitment you need. But that dynamic will break your heart slowly if you stay. You don’t have to hate him, and you don’t have to make him the villain. But you do have to choose you. You’re not “wayward,” darling… you’re growing, awakening, and realizing you deserve to be someone’s choice, not someone’s convenience. If you want, I can help you figure out how to detach, how to let go gently, or how to rebuild your self-worth after this kind of emotional confusion. Just tell me what your heart needs next.

[Author]

Posts