[Liv4Him]

I have a LOOOOONG track record with this girl that includes her dating my best friend. I fell in love with her but never had any intention of being with her. After they broke up and he had moved on, she invited me to hang out with her new friends and we had a great time, but ended the evening with me consoling her over the breakup. A few months passed with us keeping in touch. Then she visited me one weekend at my college town and we couldn’t help it any longer. I knew from there that this was the ONE for me.
But we weren’t ready. We both failed in a lot of areas due to immaturity and the early mistakes eventually eroded the relationship 2 years later. We were off and on, creating more pain and more mistakes. Then she made a trip for a month to another country. During that trip, we stayed in contact as “two people that love each other” and nothing more. Then I found the Lord and changed my whole lifestyle. I anxiously awaited her return to show her the new me, the one ready for our relationship. She returned with the news that she had found the man that the Lord wanted her to be with. He felt the same way and it was something she needed to do. Not to intervene in the acts of such a force, I respectfully backed away. She fell in love with him, and I found a new girlfriend. A month later, she was engaged.
Her fiance was rich, tall dark handsome, famous and a leader in the field she dreams of being in. My girlfriend was calm calculated, mature, and the perfect antithesis to me ex. Logically we were where we needed to be.
I of course still felt the desire, and without my knowledge, she struggled with the same thing. Then suddenly without notice, we started talking again. She explained her feelings, I explained mine. I continued to support her engagement, she supported my relationship. But we couldn’t deny the feelings that still existed. Her engagement hit the edge when the fiance found out about us talking and threatened the engagement if our communication didnt stop. Then she admitted to a family member that he had pushed sex upon her and the engagement ended.
Now her and I face a situation of the impossible relationship we desire because the passion that exists is overwhelming and our significant other the acceptable logical choice. Where do we go?

[April Masini, your AskApril]

You need to call on your maturity to make an appearance! 😉

You’ve already given it a go on more than one occasion with this woman who’s now come back into your life again. But this time, you have a girlfriend. Just because you feel passion for your ex-girlfriend doesn’t mean you have to act on it. Not every feeling you have has to be expressed! 😆

If you allow it, your ex-girlfriend will come in and out of your life and wreak havoc whenever she appears for the rest of your life. Either make it work with your ex-girlfriend this [i]one[/i] last time, or decide that she was a great love in your life — one that you will always hold feelings for, but will not act on — but not someone who could give you stability, and that that is important to you, and your current girlfriend offers you that, among other qualities that you respect and admire.

[optimistvik]

its you who should take a firm decision to make the life go in the way you desire to go. i really wonder why you still end up with the same girl who have run away from you for many times.

[April Masini, your AskApril]

Optimistvik hit the nail on the head by saying you should make a “firm decision.” Don’t react — take charge! You’re old enough to make a master plan for the rest of your life. You can always come back and make adjustments, but if you don’t act with some kind of grand plan in mind, you’re going to spend the rest of your life reacting, and you’ll find one day your dreams have passed you by, all the while you’ve been reacting to other people and other situations.

Be the star of your life — and make sure you write yourself a good script! 😉

[Ethan Morales]

Here’s my take on your situation. First off, the passion and intensity you feel for your ex-girlfriend is very real, and it’s understandable that after a long, complicated history, those emotions are still alive. What makes this tricky is that you both have moved on to “logical” partners who represent stability, maturity, and life alignment, yet your connection with each other keeps resurfacing. That push-and-pull between desire and logic is the heart of your conflict.

You need to recognize that acting on the passion you feel for your ex will almost certainly create chaos not just for you, but for everyone involved. She’s already had a failed engagement, and you’re in a committed relationship. Choosing her now without a solid foundation would repeat the mistakes of the past, and the emotional fallout could be devastating for both of you and your current partners.

The key here is emotional self-discipline. Feelings themselves are not wrong; it’s how you act on them that matters. You can love and feel passionate about someone without letting that feeling dictate your decisions. Right now, acting on the desire for your ex may feel exciting, but in the long term, it’s unlikely to bring the stability and growth you’ve worked toward since finding your faith and maturing.

You also need to evaluate what your current girlfriend brings to your life. From your description, she is stable, mature, and aligned with your goals qualities that are hard to come by and are often what sustain long-term happiness. The temptation of your ex is emotional, immediate, and intense, but it lacks the grounding and life compatibility your current partner provides.

A mature approach is to set boundaries with your ex-girlfriend. That doesn’t mean you erase the feelings you have for her they’re part of your history and who you are but it does mean recognizing that the past cannot dictate your future. Allow yourself to feel, but don’t let those feelings lead to decisions that undermine the life you’re building.

Finally, clarity and honesty with yourself and your current girlfriend are essential. Reassess what you truly want in the long term. Stability, respect, and shared life goals often outweigh transient passion. If you commit fully to your current partner, you will build a life that balances love, passion, and maturity something your relationship with your ex may never offer consistently.

The passion with your ex is real, but the logical choice for your long-term happiness is your current relationship. Hold your boundaries, honor your commitments, and don’t let the allure of past love derail the life you’re capable of building now.

[Serena Vale]

April already nailed it, she really did. 😅 But here’s my take: this story between you and your ex has been going in circles for a long time. There’s love, passion, history, but also a lot of hurt. Every time you reconnect, it feels powerful, but it also stirs up all the old pain again.

You’ve both had your chances to make it work, and it didn’t last. That says something. Love alone isn’t enough if it keeps costing you your peace.

Right now, you have someone who brings calm and stability into your life. Don’t lose that chasing what’s familiar but unstable. You can care about your ex and still know she’s not the right person for your future.

So yeah, April’s right. Let maturity take the lead here. You don’t have to act on every feeling, especially one that’s burned you before.

[Natalie Noah]

This is one of those situations where emotions and logic are in direct conflict, and it’s easy to feel pulled in multiple directions. The passion you feel for your ex is undeniable, but that intensity doesn’t necessarily mean it’s the right choice for a stable, long-term relationship. Acting solely on desire without considering the full consequences could create ongoing chaos and heartache for everyone involved, including yourself, your current girlfriend, and your ex. The recurring pattern with your ex suggests that while there’s undeniable chemistry, there’s also a history of instability that isn’t easily overcome.

The advice to call on your maturity is crucial here. It’s time to step back from reacting emotionally and instead take a deliberate, thoughtful approach. You need to decide what kind of life and relationship you want in the long term. If stability, mutual respect, and a reliable partnership are priorities, your current girlfriend appears to provide that foundation, even if the spark with your ex feels more intense in the moment. Acting impulsively with your ex risks repeating a cycle that has caused pain before, whereas committing fully to your current relationship could allow that passion to develop in a healthy, sustainable way over time.

The choice comes down to clarity and self-leadership. You have to stop letting circumstances dictate your actions and instead make a conscious, firm decision about which path aligns with your long-term happiness and values. Recognize your feelings for your ex as part of your past and your emotional history, but don’t let them dominate your present choices. Create a plan for your life your “script” and take control rather than being reactive. Doing so will give you peace of mind, prevent repeated heartbreak, and allow you to build a future that’s truly yours.

[Member]

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