[Mebo123456]

I have a neighbor who host these adult parties and for a while now I been trying to convince my wife we should give it a try. She gave in and we tried it. It’s pretty exciting I will admit but now I’m kind of over it and she is hooked on it. Idk if its fare for me to ask her to end it or not because I pestered her for so long to try it. It’s been 3 months and its clear she is really enjoying it. How should II handle this?

[Ask April Masini]

If you’d asked me before you got into this situation, I would have told you these things never work out well. 😕 I think the best you can do is to tell her that you thought this was going to be a great opportunity for the two of you but you now have a different opinion, and yes, you’ve changed your mind. Tell her why you feel differently — that you’re jealous or hurt by her being with other men — and that you really want to get back to the monogamy you had, because you value it so much more, now that you’ve had this diversion.

Hopefully, that will help, and if not right away, it will give you the chance to be honest, and for her to think about it. Let me know how things go.

[Mebo123456]

Before I go into it with her I can’t force her to stop or can I?
I mean if she says she want to continue for a while.

[Ask April Masini]

No, you can’t force her. But you shouldn’t want to, either…. you should want her to stop because she would rather not hurt you than continue. Or because she chooses your feelings over this part of her own. We all make sacrifices for each other in all sorts of relationships, and you’re asking her to make a sacrifice by choosing monogamy over the swinging relationships you’re both involved in now. 😉

[Mebo123456]

An to be honest I’ve gone but I only participated a few times I have been sitting out lately it’s just not me. But I see the guys all flock to her soon as we arrive.

[Mebo123456]

We talked for a while and she says she feels like it will end but she’s not ready yet that some how its been helping her find an outlet for stress at work. She wants to continue until she feels its no longer helping or she finds something better.

[Ask April Masini]

The tough part here is that she didn’t want to be involved, and you convinced her to. 😕 I think you’ve got a couple of choices now. First, you can stop going, yourself, and let her know you wish she wouldn’t. That sets up a boundary in the marriage, where you stand your ground and ask her not to go. Second, you can simultaneously try to win her over. She’s getting something out of the experience that she isn’t getting in the marriage. If you can help her with that in the marriage — whether it’s better sex, more romance, more excitement, more adventure — or some combination of those things, she may not have the need to continue to swing. And lastly, there’s the ultimatum. But you have to be ready to end the marriage if you give her an ultimatum that it’s either you or the swinging. I don’t think you’re there. So, why not work on the first two?

[Mebo123456]

I really don’t think I could do the last suggestion even if these never ends I don’t see my life with out her. Aside from this everything is great we laugh dance do everything together.
I wish I never suggested it like you said I got her involved
I did the her it didn’t feel right for me an j couldn’t go back anymore but would not stop her if she needs or wants it.
Idk what it is they do to her that I don’t or what the allure is for her. I mean I have heard from others stuff she has done or allowed an I kind of shrugged it off because it doesn’t sound like her. I figured they were just talking.

[Mebo123456]

[attachment=0]FB_IMG_1445313500973.jpg[/attachment]
This is us

[Ask April Masini]

It’s good that you know that you don’t want to get divorced. That’s some clarity. The one thing I think you should do, that it doesn’t sound like you are, is to really let her know how her going to these swinging sessions hurts you and that if you had it to do all over again, you never would have suggested her going. Tell her that you made a mistake and you wish you could take it all back. I just don’t get the feeling from what you’ve written that you’ve been as clear with her as you have with me. You need to.

Next, really work on making the marriage so great that she doesn’t want to go outside it for sex or romance or connection or thrills — or whatever it is she’s getting from other men. This is going to be a lot of work for you because you’re going to have to change your attitude towards the marriage and see it with new eyes so you can figure out what she’s getting elsewhere, what’s missing in the relationship you have with her, and how to make her so happy she doesn’t need or want anyone else.

These things don’t happen in a vacuum. You may have introduced her to this swinging, but she’s staying because of what she’s getting there — not just because of the introduction.

[Mebo123456]

So with the sexual side of it do I need to be more like them I mean I really doubt they put much romance into the sex it was for me more like hired sex I felt so is she looking for me to be more direct and skip all the flowers and forplay?
I will explain to her how it makes me feel. I haven’t been straight forward with her I think because I felt guilty for all of it. But I will come clean to her.

[Mebo123456]

This is us I mean I know there is no type for it but does she look bored of me

[Ask April Masini]

Can you please remove the photo?

It’s inappropriate for you to post a photo of your wife on this site without her permission, and given the nature of your comments, it could upset her.

[Mebo123456]

Sorry for the picture

[Ask April Masini]

No worries — I ended up taking it down. There are lots of legal ramifications when you post a photo of someone else…..

If you have any other questions please ask. I’m here. 😉

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