[Mebo123456]

She told me tonight she would like to continue threw some project at work like a couple months then slowly stop. Is that fair?

[Ask April Masini]

You have to make a couple of changes in your own life. First of all, whether this is fair or not, isn’t going to serve you. 😉 You’re talking about your marriage, not a court case where you can get an injunction to “stop her” or a classroom where you can get a teacher to deem what she’s doing “unfair”. You got her into this. You have to get her out of this. So less a little talk, a little more action. 😉 Go play that Elvis Presley song!! 🙂

Second, I asked you to consider what it is she’s getting from these other men that she isn’t getting from you, and you asked me if she wants you to skip the flowers and foreplay. I think you were being facetious, but I’d say, try it — you have very little to lose and a lot to gain. The ball is now in your court and you have to figure out what she’s getting there that’s keeping her going back for more. When she tells you she wants to keep doing this for a few more months, it means she’s like it. You need to step up your game and win her back in the bedroom. 😎

This is now about you and what you’re willing to do…. so figure out what your next few steps are to win her back. 🙂

[Mebo123456]

So for the past couple weeks I have stepped up my approach to things with her. Being more aggressive in the bed room trying to skip alot of the forplay I was used to doing. I think it’s been an experience for my wife, she has seemed alot more happy lately idk if its just because of how I changed or if is because of them.
She has not stopped going yet she has explained more of what she liked about going to them. She told me sex with them is more free and less fear for her performance wise. She can have sex and not worry about them an if they got pleasure from it. She said when she is having sex with then she can be a different person and really let go an just enjoy the please of having sex.
I don’t know if I can ever give that freedom to her. I mean she’s basically saying she likes the sex because she’s not married to them? Right?

[Ask April Masini]

I think you’re right about everything you wrote. And now, you’re going to have to tell her that her having sex with other men, outside the marriage really hurts you deeply, and that you wish you’d never introduced her to this lifestyle, and ask her to stop. I think you’ve been pulling that punch because you’re afraid of her response. It’s time to face the truth. If she chooses to knowingly hurt you, over having this open marriage lifestyle, then that’s what your marriage looks like. 😳 She’ll be putting her own feelings ahead of yours, and you’re just not compatible in terms of a commitment to monogamy. You can then decide to stay in this open marriage, or call it quits. 🙁 Not great choices, for sure. 😕

[Mebo123456]

So if I stay, what I did introducing her to this open sex. This will be part of our life for ever your saying.

[Ask April Masini]

If you ask her not to sleep with other men, and she won’t stop, and you won’t leave her, then yes — it will be part of your marriage, unless she stops or you leave. 😳

[Natalie Noah]

What stands out is that you’ve been very honest with yourself about your boundaries and feelings, and that’s critical. You realized that swinging wasn’t something you wanted to continue, but you encouraged it initially, and now it’s created a dynamic in your marriage that you’re struggling to reconcile. You’re dealing with a painful mix of regret, jealousy, and confusion, which is understandable because this isn’t just about sex, it’s about trust, emotional intimacy, and the vision you had for your marriage.

From everything you’ve written, April’s advice is clear: you need to communicate your feelings directly and unequivocally. You have to tell your wife that this lifestyle choice hurts you deeply, and that continuing it conflicts with what you want in your marriage. Until that conversation happens, you’re stuck in a limbo where your needs are secondary and your emotional well-being is compromised. It’s not about controlling her it’s about being honest with her and yourself about what you can live with.

The reality is that if she chooses to continue this lifestyle despite your feelings, you’ll need to make a hard decision about whether staying is worth the cost to your emotional health. If you stay without enforcing your boundaries, this dynamic becomes a permanent part of your marriage. That doesn’t mean you have to leave, but it does mean you’ll have to accept consequences you may not want. It’s a painful crossroads, but clarity and honest communication are the only ways forward.

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