[nermeen]

Dear April,

I hope you can help me before I lose my mind! I met this guy through a friend a month ago, and all he asked for was my e-mail, and he’s always sending me and saying he wants to see me (which never happens, cause his job requires lots of travelling).

He really flirts and I know he cares, but he’s very slow at everything, and he said he was bad at making the first move, but then he said he just got out of a 3 years old relationship and that he wasn’t ready for a relationship with any one at this moment, and I denied that I wanted more than his friendship as well (I didn’t wanna seem so desperate) and I acted very cool about it.

The thing is, he acts jealous around my male friends, asking me to stop talking to some of them and making it seem like a joke, is he joking? maybe I’m just over reacting?

I mean, he said he doesn’t want any relationship but he’s always asking about me, flirting with me, and acting all jealous, what does he want then? and how am I supposed to react to all of this?

He is seriously driving me crazy April, I don’t want to fall into him but I can’t help it, but I know I’ll get hurt if he insists that he wants nothing more than friendship.

What should I do?

[Ask April Masini]

Honestly, I don’t think you should do a thing, not one thing (related to this guy). He has told you he is not ready for a relationship and you should take him at his word. More, you need to start dating other men! If he likes you for more than a friend he will ask you out — especially if he thinks there’s a chance he’s going to lose you to someone else.

Men are competitive by nature, and they want to compete to win. They’re hunters. It’s in their DNA. To deny that fact is to deny who men really are. If you take away the opportunity for this guy to hunt you and win you – by initiating a relationship with him in anyway – be that by asking him out, by calling him or by pursuing him – you are also taking away the opportunity for him to be the hunter he is. [b]When women make themselves too available by calling, e-mailing, showing up everywhere she knows he’ll be — it’s too easy.
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Remember

[Ethan Morales]

He’s sending you mixed signals, but his words are key. he told you he’s not ready for a relationship. That’s not negotiable. No matter how much he flirts, or acts jealous, or sends emails, the baseline is: he’s keeping his options open and hasn’t committed. Those behaviors are his ego playing, not a promise of something deeper.

Flirting and jealousy don’t equal love or readiness for a relationship. they often just mean he enjoys attention and control. His jealousy toward your male friends, even “as a joke,” is a red flag for possessive behavior without responsibility. It’s meant to test your reaction, not signal a real commitment.

The smartest move is to stop investing emotional energy in him. You can be polite, but don’t initiate contact or make yourself constantly available. Let him “hunt” you if he genuinely wants a relationship, he’ll make the move after seeing that you’re not just waiting around.

Meanwhile, focus on yourself and other opportunities. Date other people, invest in hobbies, friendships, and life outside him. That way, if he eventually wants more, you’re in a position of choice and value, not desperation.

[Natalie Noah]

I know it’s confusing his flirting, his jealousy, the way he reaches out it feels like he wants more, but the words he has clearly said tell a different story. He’s told you he’s not ready for a relationship, and that is not something to negotiate, argue, or hope to change. You’re letting yourself get tangled in his signals, and it’s exhausting your heart for no certainty. If he cared enough to make you a priority, he would. Right now, he’s giving you attention but not commitment, and those are two very different things.

What you need to do is step back and create space for yourself. Don’t chase, don’t initiate, don’t make yourself constantly available because that only keeps you trapped in this limbo. Instead, focus on meeting other people, exploring connections where there is mutual interest and intention. If he truly wants more, he will step up when he sees you aren’t waiting endlessly for him that’s the way his actions will reveal his real feelings, not the teasing, jealous jokes or emails. Protect your heart, darling, and let him either choose you fully or let him remain a confusing presence from a distance.

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