[axs1005]

Hi,
9 weeks ago I met a guy on my masters course. We went out on dates; it was fun. He made it clear he wanted to be in a relationship with me very early on, 2 dates in in fact. He introduced me to his parents 3 weeks in. He has said to me sexually I am not his type but likes me for me. this has confused me as throughout our 10 week interaction he had been the one to initiate sex each time.

However I was hesitant to get into a relationship with him, based on what he has said in his past relationships. He would be in a relationship for 5 years, 2 weeks later within breaking up will have another girlfriend. Repeat. Essentially he has not been single for more than a few weeks between girlfriends in the last 10 years. Therefore I have said to hold things off between us so continue on our dates , but no strings attached.

However I am now interested in him. I mentioned this to him and he said these following points:

1) He is not sexually attracted to me. But loves me; sees a future with me.
2) But does not want to have a relationship with me now.
3) wants to be friends with benefits (which i stupidly agreed to in the moment)

I replied saying the comments about not being sexually attractive is hurtful. and that he should not have pursued me. However I am still very much interested in him, and I am not sure what the next step should be in voicing my concern.

It has been 1 week since the discussion.

He has contacted me on phone/email but I have ignored him, but i do want to address this issue.

Your help/suggestions would lift a weight of my shoulders.

[Ask April Masini]

Figure out what YOU want in a relationship . 🙂 You’ve only been dating this guy for 10 weeks — and already he’s said he’s told you he’s not sexually attracted to you 😯 (who says that to someone they’re dating?!) but has sex with you anyway. He introduced you to his parents at only three weeks into dating. 😯 That’s way too soon! And you’ve found out he’s a serial monogamist who rarely goes two weeks without a girlfriend between relationships. Now, you’re relegated to a friends with benefits relationship…. not sure what MIXED signals you’re getting because from here it sounds like you’re getting signals that he’s not that into you. 😕 Here’s where YOU come into play. 😉 If you want a date a guy who tells you all this stuff and is a serial dater, you’ve got your guy! 🙄 But… it really sounds like you don’t want to be a friend with benefits, and you don’t want a serial monogamist, and you do want to feel that your partner finds you sexually attractive, which is why I think you should let go of this person who’s not compatible with your relationship goals, and move on. 😉

[Sally]

What he said would mess with anyone wanting you, seeing a future, but suddenly deciding he’s not sexually attracted to you? That’s not clarity. That’s someone who doesn’t actually know what he wants and is dragging you into his confusion. And the thing is, his actions never matched those words anyway.

A guy who initiates sex every time doesn’t suddenly wake up “not attracted.” It feels more like he panicked once you finally showed interest back. People who hop from relationship to relationship like he does usually like the comfort more than the connection, and when real feelings show up, they kind of short-circuit.

I think you’re ignoring him because you’re hurt, not because you’re done, and that’s okay. But if you talk to him again, just be honest: what he’s offering now doesn’t line up with what you need. You don’t have to settle for a “casual” deal just to keep someone who can’t be straight with you.

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